Is this the right approach to my SIL?

[PeapodRas]

Hello. I have a SIL who still lives with my MIL.

SIL is racist (not overtly but definitely has issues with people of the race I am) and quite right wing. I'm generally fine with the political differences but not when it crosses over to anti-immigration, racism, Islamophobia etc.

I'm especially sensitive to this as I'm expecting my first child who will be mixed race and also with all the rioting going on around the country.

Recently SIL was posting anti immigration stuff on social media so I messaged (it was clear I was very annoyed) and then blocked her.

DH and SIL aren't massively close and I've said I'm not making any effort with SIL when the baby is here which DH is fine with this. However she does live at home still so how do I navigate this going forward?

MIL is seemingly oblivious or pretending to be 🤷🏻‍♀️

So sorry you have this horrible person in the family.

It is difficult. I hope your DH will spell out to MIL exactly why you are both avoiding the SIL. Your DH should also draw a firm boundary with his sister.

How old approximately is SIL?

Your DH needs to be clear racism has no part in your family life and therefore SIL will be having no relationship with your baby. MIL welcome to visit you.

She's in her early 30s!

Thanks

Unfortunately I don't think it will be no contact which is fine as my little one should have a relationship with her aunty.

Also SIL is perfectly nice to me and although we disagree on a number of political issues, there's never been any racism. She's one of those people that probably doesn't think they are racist!

But my parents are immigrants and she has no empathy for those risking their lives to come to Britain

I wouldn’t want someone with those opinion to be in my child’s life, I’d keep my distance and would invite mil to your house to see little one.

She's just oblivious which is annoying! And they'll probably think I'm being over the top but I think I'll have to explain how I'm feeling if DH doesn't manage it

Good luck OP. Being oblivious is no excuse for SIL.

Also have a very difficult SIL who lives at home and it has made things very difficult for DC and for us when she meddles in family relationships. The SIL in our case is quite a bit older and doesn’t go out much at all, so seems to have a lot of time to devote to obsessive meddling.

Definitely get DH to draw the boundaries so you don’t risk MIL turning on you. Hopefully at 30 she will sort out her own life and not always be in the middle of the relationship with MIL.

It is really clear cut how racist, foul and inappropriate she has been. Best wishes.