I don't want to visit my family anymore

[SuperStay]

Every summer without fail I take my DCs to visit my family in a different European country. DH used to come too but in recent years has made excuses not to come. I understand that, I don't enjoy the visits, I only do them out of duty, I have always had a tricky relationship with my parents, they can be difficult people to get on with, we usually end up arguing as they hold very old fashioned views and can be racist. My relationship with my siblings (who live in my home country) is distant as I moved to England when I was 18 and they were much younger. When we're there I literally count the days until we can go home again, I have a feeling DCs do too. My parents used to come and visit us in England but since COVID have not bothered, they go on other holidays though, golfing and sightseeing in Europe. The flights cost a lot of money and mean that we have less money to spend on our proper family summer holiday and the visits use up precious annual leave too. I don't want to do it anymore. Would it be unreasonable for me to stop the visits? I have been doing them for well over 25 years now.

Of course not! It doesn't sound like any party involved is very bothered. Why not switch it to every other year and see how it feels?

Most importantly how old are your DCs and how long is your visit?

My DCs are now teens, 15 and 13. Our visit used to always be two weeks but in the last few years I have been shortening it to a week but even that seems to last forever. I worry about my DCs losing connection with their heritage if we don't visit as our life in England is very British, with very little exposure to my culture, language etc

I think you've done your bit OP, start living your own life rather than the one your DPs expect you to live.
I was in a similar situation and no amount of 'doing the right thing' ever made my DPs more pleasant. I don't regret trying but I regret trying for too long and the wasted time, energy and money spent.

I would have stopped going 15 years ago.

Again, from experience, staying with unpleasant people will not endear your Dcs to any culture.

I know a family who are one parent British, other parent from elsewhere in Europe. They found visiting the relatives back "home" all the time wasn't great but still wanted the kids to know their grandparents etc and speak the family language. They now go on summer holiday together most years. I think it started in covid when neither group could travel to the other country but could both go to a third place. If it is in your family's price range it might be worth trying? But only if you want to, it might be preferable to just cutting them off.

I've started doing this with the in laws because DC is 5. I hate it. But i don't trust the supervision without me. Can DCs go by themselves somehow? If they enjoy it... maybe every 2 years... i understand the bit about cultural heritage is a tough one

It's about family heritage also, for good or bad

Good idea - meet somewhere neutral. Everyone gets a holiday.

Also keep the visits short with longer gaps between visits.

Your teens will be doing their own thing pretty soon anyway.

It really depends how much you love your culture and how much you want to deliver it to the next generation. I sometimes feel the same way , but then realise all these challenges made me who I am today.
I know friends who grew up here in London , but no connection between their heritage blames their parents..
it's very personal decision in my opinion..
if your parents still healthy to travel , maybe invite them for a week every year , so you can spend your AL elsewhere.

Going to see my mum or my PIL is not a holiday and I refuse to sacrifice money and annual leave for it.
It may sounds harsh but while I love my mum, it's not a relationship where we would spend days around each other.

We do short trips, 3-4 days once a year each side and often add a couple of days in an area of our home country to show DD the sights.

We do holiday in our home counry for 2 weeks every couple of years but never near family and never together with them.

We don't have a lot of family around where we grew up, so it's not that there are tons of people to see and meet, most of my cousins are all over the country, my sister and I are on very low contact.