Hi there,
I live in UK, moved here in 2019 from my homeland to join my husband that lives in the UK for past 30 years. I have daughter 12yo with man from my homeland (central Europe). Moving form my homeland with his permission was impossible therefore we had a court hearing - long story short, after a year of hell, court allowed us to move abroad, and at the same time they established how often will child visit biological father (4 out of 6 school holidays every year).
Since 2019, I fly with my girl every holiday to bring her to him, he waits at the airport, I let her go, and go back with the same plane back to UK, same repeats after a week when holiday is over. All expenses are paid by me. Biological father doesn't pay regularly child maintenance (established when we split in 2014 for 70£/month) since we moved out from country and to this day he own my girl over 1k in child maintenance.
I took the expenses for them two seeing each other as I gotta pay them because I moved out, she is in my custody and it is my responsibility to bring her and arrange contact. After 5 years, my anger towards him not paying even bloody basics and not moving one finger (he visited her in the UK once for 48h and took her out in total for 6h time, plus one sleepover in Airbnb where he stayed). I have always shit mouth and paid and did what I had to do, not for him, but for my kid-she wants to see him, she wants to see family, that's my duty to let her see them. He has droning problem, so his family, that's why I left him. He continues drinking till nowadays, he was Already once in hospital regarding overdose (sleeping pills) with drinking, so they treated him as mental health issue. Never had a proper job, half the year on benefits, second half trying to work but then fails again. I guess that's where the child maintenance debt issue is...
In past year, her attitude towards flying to him changed, she gets bored there, they have no idea who she is (even though the call 3x a week, I send him photos/videos every week), hi and his family simply doesn't know how to keep her occupied and how to keep the contact, they don't ask her things when they called, behaving like clowns really. And she sees it, and she feels it is nto what she is after l. However, she is such a good soul she still wants to visit them (to don't make them sad). As long as she is okay to go there, I will support her.
My issue is really just the bloody paying bit-every 2 months I gotta arrange all that shebang that usually cost around 600£. I save every month to be able pay it. Now, I am 30 weeks pregnant with second child, in the next year my earnings will drastically drop. I managed to save in advance and I'll be probably able to cover the flights, but it really messes with my head that I am in position like that and he, as he claims to be her super biological daddy, does nothing for keeping in touch with her and being her daddy, even though long distance daddy.
I was about to get lawyer and check if I can do something about the debt on child maintenance AND if I can ask court here in the UK to amend/clarify who is paying for these expenses, but then... He called me 2 months ago, telling me he has a mental health problems and he decided to bring himself to clinic for a treatment. So I know he has no money to cover the debt,bo reason wasting my money on lawyer when he has nothing to give.
I am really thinking about asking court to clarify who is to pay for the expenses, but then, even if court decides we gotta go 50:50, he won't have the money for this. He doesn't have 70£/month so he won't certainly have 300£/flight. And I'll end up paying it all anyway because as far as my girl tells me I wanna go, she will go, I will support her and fund it, for her, not for him.
I get all angry everytime sxhool breaks coming because I gotta find 600£ to pay this shit show.