Unrealistic expectations?

[KatyMac]

DD is mixed race (Jamaican/White) & has quite wild hair

Every Sunday DH sits there for 1.5 hrs creaming her scalp and moisturising her hair after it was washed.

At guide camp at the week-end she washed it herself & then did nothing to it - so it is a bit of a bird's nest.

This afternoon she & her dad are going to have a massive row about doing her hair, the pain, the agony, the fact that it will all be cut off if she doesn't shut up etc etc etc

So at what age should I expect her to take care of her own hair?

When (realistically) should she be able to run some leave in conditioning cream into her hair?

All her (white) friends do their own hair & have done for several years, I feel DD's hair is complicated and will need help with it for several years yet

DH thinks she should have brushed it and conditioned it & put it in bobbles - I think he is being unreasonable - And that he expection is impossible

How old is she?

Ooops sorry she is 10

I am mixed race and was sorting out my own hair from that age, as my parents didn't have a clue what to do with it!

Is there anything you could do withb her hair to make it easier to manage and so avoid the dilemma. Have you considered a relaxer or something to make it more manageable?

Dh says she is too young

She (apparently) has good quality hair (whatever that means )

& it's too nice for relax x2

She is too young to to relax it's a chemical process which damages and dries out natural hair so you should really try to avoid it for as long as possible also it's v expensive to manage ..she needs to be encouraged to care for her hair the way it is ..its her hair and she should be proud of it granted it may be hard to manage but she needs to learn sometime...I suggest you try to get some easy to use products specially designed for mixed race hair try here check out the testimonials and give the products a try I'm sure you'll find one to suit her hair type..

For the time being, while she is young, could you teach her how to condition her hair, comb it through and put it into a simple ponytail or two bunches? She is very young to be getting the message that her hair is 'too hard to deal with'. Maybe simplifying the whole thing for her would be best?
Alternatively, have you thought about having her hair plaited? Time consuming and not cheap if you haven't got a relative or friend to do it, but it lasts for a good while and means she can forget about all the faffing about. The main thing is, she should be taught to feel proud of her hair and to look after it in so much as it is clean and tidy - but you can't expect her to e doing complicated styles on herself at the age of 10 yrs old!

Oh and the next time she goes to camp take her to the local Black hairdressers and have it styled and plaited..it will last and she wont have to struggle with doing it herself.

She uses the Aussie shampoo & conditioner for dry hair - which does leave it very soft

We only wash her hair once a week

Her dad uses an Oil moisturising Lotion on it afterwards to 'condition' her scalp

TBH I would have it cut short as she has a very pretty shaped head (iykwim) but she wears it in bunches or a topknot most of the time anyway, she just can't manage that her self

She has had it braided twice & it looks lovely but the person who does it, does it as a treat, so we can't ask too often

There aren't many black hairdressers around but I am thinking of taking her to the nearest for braids for the summer holidays as she wants to go sailing & swimming lots

I used to go through exactly the same thing as a child (usually involved a chase around the garden on a Sunday afternoon, before I was wrestled into the shower to wash my hair)...then it would be washed, conditioned, blow dried, oiled and plaited. The whole process took ages and I hated it, and my hair was long and supposedly lovely, and my mum refused to let me cut it. Many years later, I have finally made peace with my hair. I now just wet it thoroughly, finger comb conditioner through it, and let it air dry naturally - with regular conditioner in, not a leave-in (I use pantene), and a bit of serum for shine. This gives me bouncy corkscrew curls, and takes hardly any work - maybe something your dd could try.

hi katym, I'm sure a 10 year old could be taught the basics of looking after her hair, at the very least learning how to comb conditioner through so she can leave it natural or tie it back.

sounds like your dh is doing all the hair care, do you wash/style it too?

definitely agree about getting it braided or canerowed if she is going on holiday again - have you tried learning to do it yourself? I started doing this when my dd (3) went on holiday last year, it was great for both of us to be able to skip the combing for a week!

I wash it - but I'm allergic to everything we put in it

I often have a rash on my chin - where the skin on my face has been up against her hair.

I have tried braiding - but I am really bad at it - I will have another go

maybe you should try using some more natural products - i'm trying to cut down on stuff I use on dd's hair, find some of them quite harsh. plain old coconut oil is good.

there are plenty of more natural products out there, keep meaning to try this this and some of the stuff from here

I am so allergic to coconut

When she was a baby we used wheatgerm oil on her hair - but it went a ll weak and snapped

We've got a system going - I think we just need to work with it

She needs to lean to comb it through with the leave in