Are mum friends really your friends?

[thegracerace]

After almost 4 years of my older one being at school, I have come to the conclusion that you cannot really have a very genuine friendship with mums you met at a play ground or school gates. Of course some equations do blossom into friendships but I feel the fact that you became 'friends' through your kids always mean it can get political / diplomatic when the kids issues crop up in the relationship. I have often wondered if that's because I'm too much of a deep thinker so I expect more from friendships and small talk doesn't quite cut it? I've also often been told private school parents are a handful!
I'm sure experiences will vary but keen to hear how some of you have maintained a balance - being friendly but not considering it a friendship?

I'm a private school parent - whatever that means - I used to be a state school parent too. I'm not a handful, I'm very straightforward but because I work full time, I'm seldom able to do the whole play-date thing. Thankfully since DS is now a teen it is no longer expected. But I'll always help out and chip in when I can.

I have two friendships that started as primary schoolgate mums and have lasted. Others that remain as good humoured occasional contact relationships.

It varies.

@MintJulia private school parent - parents of kids who go to a private school. I appreciate I didn't word it right but I think your response "whatever that means" only serves to highlight my earlier point about private school parents being a tricky bunch.

As for getting political, kids fall out, they argue, two hours later they are bosom buddies again. It's always best not to take sides and let them sort it out between themselves unless there is real nastiness going on.

My ds has a friend who reached the 'interested in girls' stage 12 months earlier than ds, so they had less in common for a while but now are back in sync.

As mums we explain to them why they suddenly seem at odds, leave it a month or two and then meet up again. A fairly laid back approach works for us.

I have some amazing friends who I met through school. All our kids are same age, they are not particularly friends but will happily chat to each other. Maybe that helps!?

Private school parent can mean loaded, old money, single mum, landed gentry, just scraping by, scholarship child. Independent schools have a real mix of intake.

I'm a single mum, professional job, medium salary, ds has an academic scholarship. I drive an elderly hatchback, Ds's best friend comes to school in a new Maserati. The point is it doesn't matter. Most people just want their dcs to be happy & settled.

I've also often been told private school parents are a handful

wtf does that even mean, I can’t believe you even wrote it.

@Thestagshead why does one person or a couple of people's opinion bother you so much? If it's not true it shouldn't trigger such an angry response in you?

Mum friends are just like any people you meet in life. Some you will stay at the level of small talk (and nothing wrong with that), others you will form stronger friendships with. You sound a bit painful describing yourself as a deep thinker …..are you implying that other ‘mums’ aren’t??

@Anoisagusaris oh not at all but if you would like to get offended by something that I didn't say and waste your time and energy, please feel free to. You have no one else to blame for stirring up drama.

I dislike snobbery op. And that includes inverted snobbery. It’s cringe foe you to lump all parents of privately educated children as one group.

you appear to be really hoping people take offence at you.

anyway, back to uou having no mates..