chinese/english mix - learning language/culture

[JenT]

Hi there I am new to MN, so if this has already been asked I am sorry,
Dh is of chinese origin (he was born in london but his parents are from HongKong) They wanted him to be and English Gentleman so they didn't teach him to read or write cantonese (although he speaks a little) they sent him to a private school.

He knows very little about chinese culture (he didn't know that his mum and dad are Tao Buddhists until I asked them over the dinner table one night)

So the point to my message it.. How do I as a white English girl help our boys to understand stuff about their chinese heritage? I find it frustrating that DH's parents aren't interested in helping with this and Dh isn't that keen..

Should I just leave it and ignore the Dinosaur in the room and pretend that Grandma and Grandad aren't chinese?

Hope this makes a little sense!
Any tips greatfully recieved

anyone around?

How about finding a chinese school they could attend?
Or find out about chinese culture, chinese food, traditions; chinese new year, moon festival, etc by googling.

I am trying to find out about these things but do you think it is important? I do but the fact that DH's family don't makes me wonder if I am right or wrong?

JenT - hi and welcome. Can't reallt offer any other advice than breadgirl but just wanted to say hi as my dh is chinese and I am english. We have 2 dd's, the eldest of whom attends our local chinese school. I would say that the aspiration of your parents in law to anglicise (?sp) your husband is not unusual amoungst families from middle class hong kong and kuala lumpor. My dh comes from a very chinese family and was educated in chinese schools until 16 hence can speak a number of chinese dialects and read in most and writes too, but he is the only one of his large group of friends who can read and write. Even with this in mind, he much prefers to communicate in english - a sign of the times I think. In a hurry to pick kids up now, but will be back later!

You're not wrong, but may be fighting a losing battle. If your lo wants to go to chinese school etc later on, then I think that should be encouraged, but I wouldn't worry yourself about it for now.

Thanks both - I guess I will persevere with things.. if anyone has a chinese celebrations list / calendar type thing that would be brilliant

It's hard to say. i find it quite important, because i was brought up celebrating chinese new year. We get 'red envelopes' with money inside.
Moon festival, give and receive moon cakes, light lanterns ..
I can't say i know the right thing to do, and i know i will lose a big chunk of it when my parents are no longer here and doing these things for us and telling us when we should be doing certain things.
I have to say, i didn't really pay attention because my mum is very superstitious and that is the part i don't like.
I think it's lovely you are willing to make the effort.

JenT, you can go into any chinese supermarket or try restaurant/take away coming up to chinese new year and ask for one of their chinese calendars.
If it is a good one, it should list the chinese celebrations and have the chinese calendar dates aswell .. also the chinese zodiac.

Brilliant! thanks Breadgirl.

JenT - I am Chinese Malaysian and educated in a multilingual environment and really love the Chinese language. But I do know lots of chinese people who don't read/write/speak chinese. It is the sign of things past, but not necessarily how things will be, I think. Anyway, I'm sure you can find lots of things on the web about chinese culture etc, but a couple of things might be interesting:

www.britishchinese.org.uk/

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese

There are English books for kids on chinese mythologies etc too that you can get which would be interesting regardless of whether they have a chinese heritage or not (which is the key I think - not too much emphasis on being chinese so much as being interesting.)

www.xihaha.co.uk/ has bilingual books for kids too, with traditional stories.
(Food and stories, that's what a culture is all about!)

Hi Jen T,

I'm of half Chinese extraction (singaporean) and half white australian. I think it's great that you're taking cultural heritage into account when raising your children. I was brought up in Western countries all my life, and my family would occasionally be posted in Asian countries, where we would socialise with western expats. When I was about 10 years old my aussie mum sent myself and my brothers to Chinese Saturday school to learn chinese. But by that point, we found it difficult to learn mandarin in classes where children were speaking chinese at home on a regular basis. Though, I'm sure if we hadn't been moving from school to school on a regular half year basis it would have been possible. And if our mum had learned with us... well... it could have been a lot of fun!

Now, I regret not being able to speak with my grandparents whilst they were alive, although we knew that they cared for us, we never got the chance to know them in the same way as my mother's side of the family. Although your dh may not see an emotional reason to be in touch with his cultural heritage, it would be nice for your children to have this option to choose from as adults. And considering the way the world is turning, having an East Asian language is already a sought after skill in any employment in the West.

Maybe contact your local Chinese school and see what they advise. I'm expecting 1st child now and my dh and i are taking Mandarin classes together, though we know it will take a long, long time to learn now we have so many commitments. Its been enjoyable sharing a class together and getting to know each other in a very different situation.

Good luck!

Here's a list of Chinese school contacts:
www.chinese-channel.co.uk/en/comm_3.php

ooh,
and some nice links via the london mandarin school:

www.london-mandarin-school.org/en/links.htm

amazing what you find out over the dinner table isn't it?
I found out FIL and therefore DH are part Borneo Head Hunters. And as for MIL and whole family hiding out in the Borneo jungle from the Japanese for 5 years .... fascinating.

I am a big English Whitey and Aussie DH's mother tongue is Hakka. He has spoken it to the Fragrant Wong Boys since they were sewing up my C section scar and the kids are fully binlingual. Which is nice

However as to ignoring PoPo and GungGung (Granny and Grandad) why not get them to take your boys to China Town for Chinese New Year, for dim sum and then to watch the lion dancing, and see how your boys like it.

FWIW both mine were pretty indifferent about being gorgeous Eurasians until the the oldest one was in Year 1.

Lots of good links on here already, should give you lots to get your teeth in to.

Suzywong - I'm from Sarawak but no head-hunter ancestry! Where's DH's family from?

my husband is chinese born in hong kong and i am english. i have 2 sons. the eldest is a double of his dad and i have been asked many times if he is mine, people thinking i am the nanny. Have you tries getting some chinese cook books and chopsticks and making mealtimes fun with noodles and dim sum. you can buy really good dim sum in chinese supermarkets to do at home. also there is hong kong news website that you can look at together. the hong kong tourist board website is particullarly good for telling you the different celebrations throughout the year. do not leave it too late to start learning the language the ealier the better children pick up things really quickly. you can get learning language cd in most computer outlets. i got eurotalk interactive learn cantonese cd for ldest and it ischild friendly though he does not use it as much as he should.