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Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

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Original poster

What ethnicity is my baby?

21 replies

Sunflower0000 · 15/01/2021 06:45

Hoping someone can shed some light here.
Back story - DH is mixed race Indian and white. He was brought up by his white mum and has nothing to do with his father or his family, he has his mum's English surname.
Appearance wise, he is brown, if a stranger described him they would not describe him as white.

We now have a DD 6 weeks. I registered her at the doctors the other day on the phone and DH overheard. They asked her ethnicity and I said "mixed, Indian and white". I am white.
Afterwards DH said why did you say she was mixed, she is white. We then had a discussion on what her ethnicity is,with neither of us agreeing.
DH admitted that on some forms that are not of medical importance he ticks "white British" as this is what he identifies as!
I think he is confusing culture with ethnicity and is reluctant accept his Indian heritage due to issues with his father.

I don't know what DD will look like when she's older and know it's not of importance but atm she has black hair, brown eyes and her skin tone is already darker than mine.
I know this will come up again for nursery, medical records etc so keen to get people's thoughts? Is DH being mixed race too far removed for her to be mixed race?
Obviously I don't care what "category" she falls into but it's likely something she will need to consider herself when she's older...

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PinkyParrot · 15/01/2021 07:00

Tricky as she is 1/4 Indian but I doubt there is a tickbox for that. Not sure what I would put.

Soontobe60 · 15/01/2021 07:02

Some diseases are more prevalent in certain ethnicities, eg sickle cell anaemia is more prevalent in Black African / Caribbean ethnicity. Therefore it can be important to acknowledge ethnicity. Your DP may well have other reasons why he doesn’t want to acknowledge this for your dd given his history. However, I believe every child has a right to know their heritage.

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2021 07:03

There is usually a box for "other" and space to add a comment, maybe that would be suitable.

endofthelinefinally · 15/01/2021 07:07

It is important for your dd to be aware of her heritage, if only to be aware of things like mongolian blue spots.
My eldest dc was born with a large mbs which was duly photographed and documented in the red book.

Original poster

Sunflower0000 · 15/01/2021 07:10

@Soontobe60 exactly this! I said this to DH and he said he does choose Indian/white mixed on medical forms to be fair.
Maybe "other" is a good shout

OP posts:

Twilightstarbright · 15/01/2021 07:22

DS is 1/4 afro-caribbean 1/2 white British and 1/4 Turkish and I go for mixed-other and tell medical people the specifics. DS is blonde so they assume he's white British.

skylarkdescending · 15/01/2021 07:26

I am 1/4 Carribean and 3/4 white. I identify as mixed black carribean and white. I look white. I had to have extra blood tests during pregnancy due to this.

I have white DH and our DC look white. I put them down as white British.

I think it's important for medical reasons to know ancestry.

Original poster

Sunflower0000 · 15/01/2021 07:34

@endofthelinefinally yes she did have one of those, found by hv

OP posts:

sandgrown · 15/01/2021 07:39

I am mixed race but only recently confirmed my father , who I never met, was Asian. I now put myself down as mixed race . I used to just put white British as brought up by my white mum.

KangaShade · 15/01/2021 08:13

I've thought about this a lot as my partner is also mixed race and have come to the conclusion that ethnicity is simply a form of identity. There really is very little in the way of genetics to separate us and the overlap between races is far bigger than any differences.

Segregating people by skin colour and hair colour is arbitrary and humans haven't always done this. If you go back to Roman times there's a whole mix of skin colours living together and no evidence of any separation into "races". Travelling around the world with my partner I can see how different countries today think of race differently with some thinking he's white and others thinking he's brown. It's all a nonsense really.

It's up to your partner and your child how they want to identify. I think the main use of collecting stats around race is because we live in a historically very racist society and we are now trying to identify where and how people are being held back by the colour of their skin. If your child grows up with very white skin then she may feel uncomfortable saying she's mixed race but it's up to her really.

PopsicleHustler · 15/01/2021 08:14

A quarter indian is still Mixed white and Asian.
Enjoy your new baby. Congratulations

bigglewig · 15/01/2021 16:29

I am half english/Indian origin and my husband is white British, so my children are the same ethnicity to yours. A lovely mix!! I have to say I started off with 'other' and then changed to white British as they were three quarters WB. I don't know what prompted me to do it really, perhaps it was that they are culturally being brought up this way? I don't think there is right or wrong way really!

Chel098 · 15/01/2021 16:32

@Soontobe60

Some very good points here.

Chel098 · 15/01/2021 16:36

I think maybe your DH is just a bit unsure and obviously if he was mainly raised with his mum and doesn’t know the other side of his family it’s understandable.

I think it’s important to address your heritage and race so you can identify as something. If someone asked me what race I was and I said I don’t know they would look

Original poster

Sunflower0000 · 15/01/2021 16:51

Some really good points here everyone, thank you.
Yes I think DH is letting his issues with his father and identity affect DD.
On the other hand I can see @bigglewig 's perspective (really useful ty) in that DD will be brought up as white British as she'll have no exposure to her Indian heritage...
I will however be open with her about it. I have a close friend who is Indian and the same religion as DH's family (Hindu) plus we live in a multi cultural town so I know a fair amount to potentially share if she is interested.
I think I will put her down as mixed for now due to medical reasons (she randomly has to have extra jabs because DH's dad was born in India) but will be fluid to what she identifies as when she's older.

OP posts:

Welikebeingcosy · 22/02/2021 23:15

I'm also a quarter Asian and I always tick the mixed race box. It never matters because it is only ever for their own numbers but it matters to me. I've never been to my grandfather's country and my mum stopped talking to him a few years before he died when I was six so I don't know anyone from that side so from your daughter's perspective your partner's conflict with his father doesn't stop that man being her grandfather and those roots being important to her.

mummog · 15/05/2021 12:06

@Sunflower0000

Hoping someone can shed some light here. Back story - DH is mixed race Indian and white. He was brought up by his white mum and has nothing to do with his father or his family, he has his mum's English surname. Appearance wise, he is brown, if a stranger described him they would not describe him as white.

Thats the same racial make up as my son. Even though he doesn't look it, its still part of him. My son was put down as category G when he was born (any other mixed background).

My son has an Indian grandmother and a mixed race mother (pretty proud of my mix too) - both of whom he lives with.

Your child will decide his identity. All you need to do is provide him the tools for him to do it.

mummog · 15/05/2021 12:08

Sorry, her not him for your child!

Happycat1212 · 15/05/2021 12:13

I have this with my children as well, I am mixed black and white and their dad is black, but I always class them as mixed race I wouldn’t say they were black.

Lavinia1 · 15/05/2021 12:18

For medical purposes it’s better to be accurate. It’s not about skin colour or hair colour, it’s about genetics - some medical conditions are more or less prevalent in different ethnicities and so it’s relevant. For everything else I thing you can just chose whatever feels right really. It’s just a tick box exercise and often doesn’t have any bearing on anything.

My children are 3/4 white, 1/4 Asian and as a family, culturally we are white British, so are all our names and the children have no connection to anything else and they only speak English and definitely identify as white British. On the census a few months ago we put them down as white British.

I’ve definitely been inconsistent with what I’ve ticked for mine over the years.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 15/05/2021 12:19

I'm mixed but never 'found out' until I was well and truly an adult. A parent is mixed-race but the family was always in denial (despite the parent growing up amongst family members of their ethnicity in another country).

It's tricky. I'd like to 'identify' as this ethnicity but I don't look it. I am extremely bitter I was denied my cultural heritage. But it is in my DNA.

I guess it boils down to a difference between biology (as determines genes and susceptibility to some illnesses) and 'identity', but also in a context where identity is highly political.

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