SIL hates me.

[chocolatelover12345]

I'm married to an English man. 6 months ago we moved to the uk as he got offered a new job. We stayed with his sister for a few months till we could buy our own house. It was her idea as we had originally planned to rent. I don't know anyone here and thought she was being really nice. But ever since we arrived she has been giving me all sorts of bad advice on how to fit in. Like telling me when using cash that it's easier to use a £50 note. I cooked for everyone one evening when everyone was working late and I she spent the whole meal saying it takes weird, the FaceTimed MIL telling her how rude I was when I was sat in the room. When we moved into our new house she said she had set me up an account on Mumsnet. Told me it was a great place to get advice. Turns out it's her old account and she used it to troll people, so when I posted people started to attack me. I don't know what I've done to make her so hostile towards me. I feel so isolated already and she's made me feel like I can't trust what I've been told about how to fit in. I know my husband has been fighting with her a lot since we got here and I know it's about how she's been towards me. Has anyone else had issues fitting into their new family.

She sounds unhinged. The "it tastes weird" thing suggests jealousy, especially if you cooked lovely things (and probably showed her up for never doing the same). It was a kind thing to do, take no notice of her.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that as well as a move to another country. That must be hard. I think that if your husband sees her behaviour then at least you're not having to convince him, but the best way forward would probably be to put some distance between you. Do you have to see her? Does she live close to you? She's obviously shown who she is so that's fine, you know not to trust anything she says or does.

In terms of settling in, set up your own Mumsnet account - don't use hers (even if you have changed her name). Don't tell her your user name or password. Post here for advice but also try and join something local, even if it's walking groups or running groups while most indoor events are off.

But you don't need to 'fit into' any family but your own it's your choice whether you want to participate in stuff involving your husband's family. Your SIL sounds juvenile, and like a total loon, and I wouldn't be having anything further to do with her. Of course you feel isolated, you've moved to a new country in the middle of a pandemic where no one is seeing anyone I moved countries in late 2019 and have really not had a chance to make much headway with friendships, or even see very much of family. Look, don't panic, and don't obsess about 'fitting in'. With luck, the Covid vaccine will make a real difference to 2021 and you can focus on doing things you enjoy and making friends of your own. You really don't need someone like SIL in your life.

I did set up my own account because before people turned on me they were really helpful. Where I come from family is massively important and my husband used to be very close to his sister. I just wish I knew what I had done to make her dislike me so much. Hopefully when the world is allowed to mix again I can start to look at making friends.

So sorry to hear this. You've tried your best, just don't let her take advantage of you xx