Pressure to be slim

[Joybelles]

Hi! I'm a white Brit married to an Indian from Kerala. He puts huge pressure on me to be slim - even now he's moaning about the excess weight I've put on, when I'm 34 weeks preggie! Is this a cultural/Asian thing? Anyone else have this problem?

Dont think it is an Asian thing no, I think most men are like that TBH.

Not 'most men'

Some men

From all different cultural and racial backgrounds

Well, I don't know about most men - I think that they do like their women slim, BUT I think it is a little unusual to complain about the weight if the weight is there to provide sustenance and a healthy environment for a developing baby.

I don't know anyone whose husband complained during pg (whether it is because it didn't bother them or becausee they were scared of the pg hormones, I don't know). I found the pressure to lose weight post-partum worse - very quickly people judge how quickly you have "lost the baby weight" without considering the type of labour that you had, whether the new baby is letting you get any sleep (never mind exercise!) etc etc. Rant over.

(by "they" I mean many men from all ethnic backgrounds)

my dh has never once commented other than positively about my body / weight

I think your Indian from Kerala is being an arse .. tell him to back off

Think he's being very naughty, as some men are.
Has he actually realised yet that you're going to bring his baby into the world?? Perhaps he's in denial. What about one of those pergnancy body suits for him....
www.empathybelly.org/home.html

then he might get the idea! good luck

Hey thanks girls! Cheered me up no end just reading all this! I've got excess weight which neither me nor baby need and my weight has always been an issue with my hubbie. I think there is something in the cultural thing tho. No-one in his family is overweight and generally in Kerala you don't get flab like here. Have ordered empathy belly......

my dh never pressured me to be slim ............if he did i would have been very annoyed and tod him where to go, you were pregnant! lol, anhyhow i was 7 stone before pregnancy put on 2 and half stone .......now im back to 7 stone again, breast feeding is great, all comes off and loadsa walking.

That's upsetting. Does he know how it makes you feel? I must be quite lucky, as my DH is from a West Indian background and loves a bit of meat on me. It does seem ridiculous that he is putting pressure on you when you are heavily pregnant...

My DH is Asian (northern India though) and has no issues with my weight whatsoever. He likes the way I look pregnant, finds it very sexy. BUt agree with Rantmum - the problems (not with him) come with losing weight after the birth, although in my personal experience the (implicit) pressure comes more from women than men (especially older women). Perhaps I've just been lucky? Have to say I'd kick any bloke in the fanjo as domesticgrumpess so brilliantly puts it, at least metaphorically, if they dared to suggest that I was overweight right now (am 33 weeks and counting).

hah ask him if culturally women from kerala are all super slim.
definitely not.
the entire film industry in kerala is built on overweight women. the funny thing? there are entire sites devoted to the typical kerala man's obsession with fat women.
i am not seeking to generalise - just trying to let you know that you know that you should not be at all hard on yourself.

Just adding my 10 cents worth.

My husband is the same, he is malaysian and naturally slender.

I have always been heavy, struggled with weight from the age of 9. Yo-yo dieted my whole life. Lost weight, gained it back, lost is again...you all know the story.

Recently ( after having 2 babies for him!!! )he has started to moan that I am too overweight and that if I don't fix it, he will just have to get into debt and send me under the knife to fix it!!!

HOW DARE!!