The differences becoming bigger?

[0DimSumMum0]

This is my first post on Mumsnet, yet I have been a member and an active lurker for a few years now.

I just wanted to ask if any of you who are in a mixed relationship have found your differences becoming bigger as you've gotten older?

I have been with my husband now for 20+ years. I am English and he is Chinese. We met in the UK but moved to HK after we got married and I have been here now for over 20 years. We have 2 children.

It's just that every holiday I see the difference getting bigger and bigger. For example he doesn't celebrate Christmas and doesn't even try to get into the spirit for our children's sake. Never has done. I do everything, he doesn't even buy our children gifts and forget about me. He just sits there with a face on all day. Usually I do not mind ( and have usually spent Christmas in the uk with my parents because of it ) but this year we have been on our own and it has really highlighted how different we are and how different we are to our friends and it's made me really sad. Yesterday I just wished the day to be over and had to pretend throughout that we were normal!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

Your DH is being unkind and unreasonable. His culture is not an excuse.
My circumstances are similar and generally we meet each other halfway and our dc have learned about, and appreciate both cultures.
We live mostly in the UK though. Maybe that has made a difference.

We have lots of friends from India, Malaysia, Japan among others. None are Christian but they all do Christmas as a way to meet up and have fun.
Is your DH miserable and difficult the rest of the year?
What about his family?
I had awful problems with MIL, but the rest of DH's family have alwsys been kind to me and our dc.

Yes he is quite miserable throughout the year too to be honest. Will not meet up with any of my friends families etc and I always have to make excuses for him.
His family are great and his sisters love my children to bits and are very loving but again do nothing at Christmas etc.
Our children have learnt a lot about both cultures, we have spent a lot of time in the uk so they are close to their grandparents and have a really good balance between the two.
I am just really tired of making excuses now

Thank you for your replies

I think it is just him tbh. Is he depressed? Does he have other issues? Hongkong looks pretty grim atm. We met up with friends from there about 3 weeks ago and they were wuite stressed.

I have a Chinese OH and can see similarities in your lost with issues with family. Xmas isn't a big thing for them. OH wasn't allowed to open presents till boxing day as a kid. (they lived in the UK). In law's make an effort for my children but aren't really bothered by Xmas. No decs up in their house.

But.... The issues with you don't necessarily sound cultural but the fact he won't socialise sounds like it's getting you down. Has this always been an issue between you or just recently? Are you happy to do your own thing? Or do you want a partner to join in with you? If he won't join in how do you feel about going separate ways?

Thank you everyone. He has always been like it to be honest so it's not that it is new behaviour, maybe I am just noticing it a bit more this year as usually we are not on our own for Christmas so it has always disguised the fact that he's just not interested. The none socialising does get me down though as I feel a bit embarrassed when we (the children had I) turn up alone all the time.
It is very stressful here at the moment I have to admit and it is affected us all in one way or another.

It's very stressful there at the moment. I just hope everyone can stay safe. We have family thinking about coming to the UK, cousins that have 'come home' - my fil and his wife would like to go home for a while but are worried about the situation and how much freedom they would have to move around. I hope a resolution is found soon for all of you.