Multilingual families

[Linksma]

Hello. I'd like to know what the experience of other people raising bilingual children has been. I understand the "one context - one language" premise. Problem is, stuff does come out in English, because I think in English, having been here a long time. Then I translate. On these occasions when I have blurted out something in English, then I translate to Spanish. Also DH would like to learn, in which case I inevitably say the same thing first in Spanish and then in English. So there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. I am concerned I am confusing DD (9 months and babbling). How have other people managed? Also, I'd be interested in speaking a third language to her - but worry that that will mess this up completely. Any thoughts/ideas/strategies much appreciated.

You need to stick to your language at all cost.

I didn't. I used to come home from work late, DD would play up, I would think she didn’t understand and would revert back to English.

DD (10) is now unable to speak a word of French. It’s embarrassing. Been sending her to Saturday French school for two years now and she still can’t articulate a single sentence.

My advice is to just stick to it. I understand you get muddled up with English. But stick to it. Your mothertongue will come back easily. Most importantly, get lots of books and play songs. This really should help.

Sorry - i’m probably the worst person in the world to give advice!

There are all sorts of ways and kids are not all the same so you have to trust your instincts.
Our "rule" was one language at a time... either we both spoke Spanish or both spoke English. We also had regular immersion for the kids as dh family don't speak anything but Spanish. We brought his cousin over like an au pair à couplé of times.
I wouldn't translate for your dh. Make him study and learn by immersion. Eventually he'll catch up.

"You need to stick to your language at all cost."

Exactly that!

You'll only need to concentrate for a little while, then it will be normal to speak spanish only to your child. It might help if you could include more spanish in your life - websites (including parenting forums ), newspapers, books ... all in spanish! Spanish books to read to your baby, as Bitlost suggested, is of course very helpful too. Maybe try to find other spanish speaking parents in your area to meet up with.

"There are all sorts of ways and kids are not all the same so you have to trust your instincts. "

Well, there is quite some research on that topic that says otherwise.

She will not be confused by learning 2 or 3 languages. My kids speak both Welsh and English fluently and it's never hindered their understanding and communication skills. They will happily switch from one language to other with complete ease.

Forgot to add they're 8 and 6 now. They've been speaking both languages since they started talking.

A friend spoke only English to her children, her husband spoke his language to his children and they went to school in the language of the country they live in (which both parents also know). The children are all effortlessly trilingual. The only disadvantage is the mum doesn’t speak much of her husband’s language so kids knew one she didn’t and could converse without her understanding!

We speak 2 languages at home. I speak my native language to our DC, DH speaks his native language. From baby age onwards, we used books/music etc in both languages. DC is now 9 and fluent in both, switched without batting an eyelid.

You absolutely need to stick to your language and not translate. Follow the OPOL approach - one parent, one language. You even need to do this when you're out with English speakers - just explain what you're doing and that you're not being rude, it's just necessary as you speak the minority language.

DH went through this, he found it tough at first but no-one has ever been offended by him speaking his mother tongue. All our friends know it's the only way DS will ever learn DH's very niche language.

DH says it takes willpower at first but gets much easier after a while.

I meant to say, we properly started OPOL at 9 months. DS has just turned 2 and can already distinguish between the two languages - he speaks to DH in his language and to me in English. His nursery staff sometimes get treated to random words in DH's language but they know not to correct him and will just repeat the word in English so that DS knows the right word in an English-speaking place.

We do opol. Things do get a bit mixed and I don't even notice. Dd asked hvad laver den her knap? And I replied I dont know what that knap does. I only am aware of it because we wre at the hairdressers and my stylist laughed.

I know what you mean about thinking in a foreign language. Dd is v interested in songs and nursery rhymes so I throw those in as often as I can, and bedtime stories are mostly in english.

Ds has autism and english is his mother tongue despite it being the minority language here. He speaks english to dd and she replies in danish.

And for later on, if you can find a Saturday school in Spanish, this would really help.

Gosh - I really screwed up. Might start another thread on how to teach a language to a 10-year-old!

@SmartPlay, I'm sure you're right about the studies, but we don't follow the opol and my two never muddled their languages and are perfectly trilingual. Maybe it was luck.

@Giraffecantdanse: It's not only about muddling, but also about being completely fluent on a native level. And yes, you probably were lucky - for some kids it's fine even if the "rules" are not being followed, just like it is with every aspect of childcare/prenting.
I wouldn't take the chance though and simply stick to what will work for sure. Trusting "instincts" isn't the way to go in that matter, if you want specific results.

You need to be commited. "Thinking in english" therefore it being too much of a pain to respond in your language is why my kids can't speak much french now.
The only people ive known who've managed to raise bilingual kids have done OPOL and stuck to it

Babies and toddlers are not "confused" by 2 languages. They experiment with language and mix things up for a time but they are never confused as such. And yes, you have to be committed. But it is not so hard to speak your mother tongue if you are determined that your children learn it. Or to read stories and watch TV in your mother tongue...

I have met a number of children who are cut off from their extended family because they don't speak the family language. Can never have a chat with grandparents, cousins, etc. It's a pity. I'd bear that in mind and try and get other family members to support your efforts.

We did OPOL and both children are bilingual. I learned my dh's language along with the children.

We live in France. Spoke English at home unless with French friends. Childminders (from 13 weeks) were French as was Dad.

DD2 just couldn't see the point of speaking English when everyone understood French. Got an English childminder at that point (aged 3) problem solved.

They had sky TV and English audiobooks. Both bilingual. DD2 doesn't read books in any language so her writing and spelling is pretty poor.

OPOL, absolutely. And be prepared to take on a teacher role for reading and writing skills. You are their model and their corrector.

I read aloud every night to both mine until they were 12/13. It’s a lovely way to spend quality time in English. Any film got watched in English first to imprint the “real” version. At least one holiday a year with family and then doing activities. DC1 did Chetham’s piano summer school but only after passing ABRSM grade 8. So knowledge is spread across both languages. DC2 has just been on a drama course in Wales.

They’re 21 and 13 now. Both languages are uninflected although I consider them 40% English and 60% other language. And they still talk to each other in English when DC1 is back from university!

We didn't do OPOL. We just spoke what we felt like. DH does speak my language too but is not fluent. DD1 is now trilingual (moved to Germany) but we don't speak German at home, she only gets it from kindergarten and neighbours/friends/surroundings. Her English skills are excellent (she is almost 4) but my language is lagging so I need to buy some DVDs etc so that she would hear it more and not just from me because I feel that my vocabulary with her is still limited to our routine activities etc. When she was between 1 and 2 she did speak one at a time, for example English for a couple of months and then my language for a couple of months. Now she is able to translate, for example if I ask what something is in German, she can translate it to English and ML.

Coming late to this party, but like tiinton we didn't stick to OPOL but just spoke what we felt like. Dc are both adult now and both fully bilingual so it seems to have worked well.

I think the reason many people insist on OPOL (apart from the fact that it's worked for them) is that it can be quite difficult to fit in enough language exposure to the minority language. And quantity really matters in this game.

I just never found that a problem: I talk a lot, I have a massive repertoire of nursery rhymes and songs and stories in both languages, I filled the house with DVDs, when they were older they kept in touch with cousins on twitter, I read a lot in my own language and sometimes write in it for publication. Dh also speaks both languages, though not very correctly. We have plenty of family over there and have been able to visit at regular intervals.

I have looked for research that says non-OPOL doesn't work (used to work in a uni dept with specific interest in bilingualism) but haven't really found any.

But what I have seen is countless stories of people who gave up because they personally found it easier to think in the majority language. If that is the case, then you probably do need to go full OPOL. I just never found that.

From personal experience i think exposure to the community you are trying to teach is what helped. I grew up speaking, reading and writing 4 different languages including English. Mum and dad and neighbors and extended family i grew up and around.
My 2 younger siblings who are 10years younger experienced life and communication mostly in English - extended fam/friends who spoke our languages moved away. They can both can understand my mother tongue about 75% but can only speak or recognise less than 50% of the language. They also had classes into their teens.

I do think its really tough when you live in a community different to your own, to maintain and REMEMBER to speak in native tongue when you get used to majority language.
Sadly, i havent managed to pass it on to my eldest (shes 6) and her pronounciation is AWFUL like it frustrates me she cant pronounce the sounds. But my youngest, who i spent more time with and communicate more in my natives has much better pronunciation and will know what im saying when i talk to her. But will still respond in english...... ha....ha
Also my partner is English so its all on me to encourage it and to keep translating for him was just tiring !