Mixed race teasing at school over skin darkness from another mixed race kid

[whoohoohoo]

My DD is mixed race and is being told by another kid in her class (who is also mixed race!) that she's 'very dark-skinned' as though that is a bad thing and is generally making my daughter feel bad that her skin is not as light as the other mixed kids in class.

Can't believe that the racism we're dealing with is from a kid with the same ethnicity, wasn't expecting that. I'm guessing that she's heard some prejudice at home about skin colour or variations in darkness maybe from her parents/grandparents? No idea.

As a parent of a mixed-race kid I perhaps expected her to face racism at some point. What is surprising is that it's coming from another mixed race child and also that it's happening at such a young age.

My husband and I haven't really had a talk with her to prepare her for this. I'm also not great about applying suncream ( as we don't care about skin darkening, we're not the type of people who hide in the shade as we can't abide all that rubbish about being darker means you are a low caste field worker! We don't mind her skin being darker -she is gorgeous- but from a drying and sun-damage perspective we should be more liberal in sun protection. The other kid's mum must be a bit more religious about sun cream I guess which is why my daughter is now more tanned than her.

It's sad to see her upset so we now have to convince her that she is awesome, beautiful on the inside and out etc and that skin colour doesn't matter.

The thing I'd like to know is should I raise this with anyone? Should I let the school know (even though they have now wrapped for summer hols)? Should I tell the other kid's parents what she has been saying? Although I really don't think they'll take it seriously. They are convinced their kid is an angel who wouldn't say boo to a goose.

Any advice welcomed to help us discuss issues like these with my daughter and my son who may face this in the future when he's at school.

Thanks a lot and sorry for rambling on.

Oh gosh, colourism really is a thing isn't it?
I am religious about suncream with my DD though not because I care whether she gets darker in the summer but because of the risk of sun damage and skin cancer. She has in the past burned a bit (we missed a bit of her skin, she was only a toddler) so we know it can happen.

I would have a quick word with the teacher when you go back.

Are your other DCs similar in skin tone? What about you and your DH - are you both mixed race too?
Presumably you have talked to her about how her skin is beautiful and brown so the logical next step would be to talk about all the different skin colours in your family and how they are all lovely colours?
DS is white (our DC are adopted, so DD is the only mixed one among us) but he knows that he has pink skin and DD has brown skin and they are both beautiful colours; we spotted a lad with an enormous (I mean huge) Afro the other day and DD who is 5 said "that man has funny hair" and I said "I think he likes it, it's not funny, he just likes it" and DS (7) said "it's just different, some people are just different". So I think DS has got the message but he isn't growing up in a family where colourism is a thing.

Thanks a lot for your response.

So to answer your question, I am white and DH is Indian so DD and DC are both mixed with one set of white GPs and one who are Indian (so brown like Daddy). Although DD (who is facing the issue at school) has quite light brown hair and blue eyes so doesn’t really look that Indian. Plus at this time of yr she could pass for a tanned white child. And the two kids in question who are being mean to her both have dark brown hair and eyes....

It’s very disappointing. Am hoping that over summer she’ll just forget about it but it could just start back up again as soon as school starts.

I’ll take your advice if it does and broach the subject with her teacher. Want to approach it gently as these are still young kids but I also think it’s important they learn that’s it’s not OK to make fun of someone because of their skin colour.

Also meant to say that it sounds like you are doing a great job with your kids - they sound so well adjusted and accepting which is fab! Wish others would do the same with their multicultured kids.

How old is your DD? Unfortunately colourism is very prevalent if you’re a POC.

At my school being a “lightie” was desirable meanwhile saying “_ is too dark” was acceptable
Also, my own grandparents and other relatives to this day still compliment and favour any child with light skin 🙄

m.youtube.com/watch?v=X6V1AjDqXnk
If you have a teenager I think it’d be good to show them this short BBC clip about colourism

Hi Cathy,

My DD is 6 (just finished Yr1). It’s sad though isn’t it that at that age they already know to talk down to each other and compare each other. We certainly don’t discuss that at home but others must or where do this kids get this from?

Thanks so much for the link. I’ll check it out and my DH and I will chat to her about it afterwards.

I'd report it to the school. It's bullying.

I'd go directly to the parents of the kid tbh. There is clearly something culturally wrong happening at home that needs rectifying.

I myself am black, with a white husband and if my child started doing this to another mixed race child I'd want to know - more so that I can teach my child to love brown skin and be proud of who they are as it sounds like this child doesn't appreciate their heritage and clearly has got some issues that need stamping out now from a young age.