Regarding pork/bacon/ham

[IsabellaMoltisantixx]

Basically my dp of 15 years is an English Athiest, I'm an Asian Muslim . We met in uni & would have to write a novel about what we've been through as an interracial couple in the worst circumstances
I was reluctant to ever post on here about this as I've had a lot of backlash from the community and still ongoing

I don't want to rant, my question is we have two dds, one 10 and the other 10 months (big age gap) now when ten year old was young we had split up (regarding interracial issues att) so when he took dd to his or his parents he said it was within his right to feed her whatever they are. This included non halal meat which I wasn't so strict about but also ham!!! I was furious as this is my belief and I wanted my children to have the same belief as me, it's also a big thing to eat pig in our religion.
He agreed he wouldn't give any type of pig meat but said he could t do non halal meat as that's what they bought and also they live in a little English village so not even a chance to get halal meat if they wanted without driving miles
I accepted this as I know if for example his mum had made a meal , they would offer dd whatever they were eating. They just avoided giving her ham sandwiches or any of the pork roasts they'd sometimes do.

Thankfully we got back together in that time so things were ok as I'm the cook and also if we went to the grandparents house, I could control what they gave her etc

Now ten years later, have another dd and dp is saying she can eat whatever they give her (they look after her two days a week while I'm working) I agreed to non halal meat again ONLy if it was necessary as they could give her egg or pasta which she loves

Now I found out they'd given her a ham sandwich last week 😢 I'm distraught I just don't know what to do??? I can't appear u grateful as they're giving us free childcare???
What should I do? I'm not sure whether to just stop her going all together as I felt they've broken my trust but I'm scared to kick off as they'd just say well we had nothing else in ?
What would everyone else do in this situation

Thanks

I'm white British (as background and experiences do matter on a thread like this) and was raised in a household dominated by my mother's religious beliefs. My brother and I had no choice whereas my father generally kowtowed for an easy life, and sometimes didn't. I think that what she did was wrong and we should have been allowed to decide for ourselves and live by our own beliefs and principles.
I don't eat meat and boycott Nestle, but I don't force my son and husband to follow my choices. I think it's up to your elder DD to chose whether she eats ham or not, but if your DP wants to allow your youngest DD to eat ham too then I'm not sure how it's your right to stop him. If
your elder DD wants to follow the path as a Muslim she will choose not to eat the pork herself.

You should have discussed this all before having kids, but it sounds like they are giving it deliberately. You should send food with your DD when they look after her.

It also seems that you are picking and choosing which part of religion you follow. It is not allowed for a female Muslim to marry outside her religion.

I think the best thing to can do is send your daughter to daycare or find a childminder as they definitely would follow your instruction regarding food.

Does your older DD follow the halal diet strictly? And understand it?

Hmmm this isn't likely to be popular, however don't you think your children should be able to choose themselves, you are Muslim by choice, they are not. It seems that because your partner does not have a belief that it's fine to only go by yours.... What would have happened had he been of a religion???

Muslim women aren't allowed to marry non Muslims?

Surely you and your partner discussed your beliefs and your child rearing strategies in advance? If not the have you raised your in-laws dismissal if your beliefs with him? Doesn't He support you and your agreed child-rearing strategies?

On another note i’’d be interested to read this research: It I have friends such as Rastafarian who also don't eat any pork or meat from a pig because tons of research shows how bad it is for you.

As a vegetarian I empathise with this viewpoint but as asvientist I recognise that pigmeat is not better/worse for you than any other kind of meats and to suggest otherwise is ludicrous (as I said i’m Happy to see the research). But Scaremongering like this will encourage your ILs to dismiss your viewpoint

As a scientist