DH is mixed south Asian/white British and has brown skin. I'm white. DD is 3.5 and a lot of her chat at the moment is about identity and her working out who she is in relation to others etc. We have another DD who is six months old, so DD1 talks a lot about being a big sister etc. Since the new baby there has also been a lot of pro-mummy/anti-daddy stuff, I think in direct reaction to the baby, having to share me etc.
One thing she has said a lot recently is about things being 'just for girls', so excluding DH. We obviously say that nothing is just for girls or boys, we all like the same things, it's not kind to exclude anyone etc.
She's also been saying "mummy, baby and I are pink and daddy is brown" and, when she is being anti-daddy, "I don't like daddy because he's brown". This is very upsetting to DH, and while I think she's just working out who she is and how the world works, I'm interested to hear how others have tackled this, and whether I can expect similar in the future. We obviously tell her that we don't exclude or judge anyone on physical appearance, and that she isn't being kind to Daddy. We have books with characters of different races and about how everyone is different, and have some friends with different colour skin, although we live in a predominantly white area. Unfortunately DH father who had much darker skin is no longer alive, and we don't have much contact with that side of the family, although she does have cousins who like her are mixed race.
When do we start discussions about racism and it's history? Any particular books to recommend, both for her and for me? I'm aware that I'm also parenting mixed race children (albeit who basically look white) and I feel inadequate and unprepared for what that may mean. Interested in any guidance from others who have gone through this.