Long post
Looking for some tips and advice on how to handle an overbearing, and highly manipulative mother in law.
Thanks in advance lovely ladies :)
My MIL is self-centred, high maintenance, 60 something year old widow who wears the latest designer fashion and is weight obsessed (she thinks food is evil). As she lives overseas, for the last five years she has been coming to visit DH staying with us from 3 weeks to 2 months at a time. Yes, a very long stay considering we were childless for the last 5 years. (Her excuse is escaping the summer heat in her country.)
I have spoken to DH about her long stays, and her complete lack of boundaries (i..e making loud noise at 4am, making a mess in the unit, re-arranging items, buying new furniture, doing nothing helpful but watching TV all day, leaving bread crumbs and food scraps on the couch, and staring at me with an evil eye as I clean up after her, the list goes on….she also has serious hoarding issues.
She has also been downright rude towards me, and made comments about my appearance and weight last time when I was pregnant in my third trimester. She even had the audacity to comment on my best friends weight who once came to visit. Its beyond me how anyone can be so rude.
I have spoken to DH about her behaviour and continue to do so every year, he says he will have a word with her, and I believe he does, but she does not change for the better. What makes this really hard is that she is only nasty when DH is not there, and super nice when he is - it's like it's all a game to her.
What's more complicated is the place where we live is partially owned by his family, so I shut up and tolerate her visits with a smile, always cordial and polite. I have had to swallow a lot of insults and say nothing over the years. I feel like I can't say much because of our living arrangements, even though we have been married for 3 years and together for 6. We have been saving money so we can move out and get our own place. I was happy to move out years ago tbh but DH refused until her finds a perfect place.
This yea I gave birth to baby girl, her first grandchild. She says she is extremely excited, has been writing very nice emails to me (as she knows I share them with DH).
I am filled with dread and anxiety of yet another upcoming visit. This time she will be staying for 2 months, as she said she wants to "help" with the baby. Not sure what "help" she can offer, other than insulting and putting me down, and taking over the little space that we have. I can only imagine the nightmare when she sees the baby, especially as I am staying at home now while DH is at work.
I am hoping for some tips on how to cope without going mental. What's more is that I suffer from anxiety and have had to go on medication before to tolerate her visits.