how do you teach resilience to racism?

[bluedemilune]

and i mean resilience to racism, not just awareness of racism. i think this is so important for ethnic minority children in the UK as mental health problems and depression can take root if they don't know how to cope with racism.
of course we teach them to stand tall but how about when theyre faced with scepticism or negativity? is it enough to emphasis the importance of good education? should we teach them to ignore racism? or confront it head on? what about insiduious racism, the skepticism or having to constantly prove oneself or having ones skills undermined?

It’s perfectly healthy and right to feel sad and angry when experiencing racism. Why are people trying to make it the victims fault for being upset?! Wtf is that about? Would you tell a kid in a wheelchair that’s been tipped out of it that they shouldn’t be upset about that? That people treat them as lesser ?

Middle Eastern and Indian kids experience racism very differently. Many could pass for white (or southern european) but it’s their culture and beliefs that make them different. While for others who visibly look different it can be racist discrimination on two fronts. Two kids in the same family could have totally different race experiences. And parents tend to reinforce by negating the positives about white people, because slagging off the people you feel are hurting your kids is a natural reaction. So when a young brown girl comes saying the other kids don’t like her hijab, or bindi, or hairstyle, then they’ll come back with ‘don’t listen to them they’re all slappers’. It’s why many kids growing up around racists become racists themselves.

The cycle has to stop, really but I wouldn’t want my kids to become martyrs to the cause. The ugly truth is that statistically brown and black kids are more likely to be stabbed and / or attacked and /or sent to prison - and I want more for my kids.

My DD I worry will be in that category (she's not Asian and generally Asian people know this but White people assume she is).

@Afuna it's because by being upset you are putting value in their opinions, you are empowering racists/disablists. It's fine to get upset over physical injury, it is also all good and well to be frustrated by the situation but by getting hurt you are caring about their opinion when you shouldn't because it is stupid and worthless.

Let's put it this way. I was raised with this approach and I have never once allowed my race hold me back. When I have been on the receiving end of racial slurs/negative comments I have not cared. When I have experienced any kind of social racisms/systemic racism I have dealt with it instead of crumbling. Most importantly I have grown up to understand that race is a nothing. It's just another silly idea that intelligent people pay little regard to. I have never allowed myself to be a victim, instead I have fought. The reasons why we have racial equality isn't because subjugated races felt hard done by, it is because they knew they were equal to their oppressors and fought for reasobable, equal, treatment. OP has asked for advice and I have given advice that works. You are in control of your own emotional response, we are not animals but rational beings, we should use that reason to discover the truth and live by it. The truth of racism is that it is downright stupid. If one lives by that u derstabding ine cannot feel hurt by it (notice the distinction between Feeling hurt and having to deal with and fight against systemic racism).

I really don't know how many more ways I can say this. Think before you feel basically and you will not loose your power. I'm out now. This has always been something that I feel very strongly about but I really don't know how to explain it further without expending undue energy. Hopefully one day everyone will understand.

Think before you feel basically and you will not loose your power

People ain’t Vulcans ffs. To be emotional is part of being human.

Honestly, you make it sound like a person can just think themselves out of crap.

Some really interesting points.upto now I have only been thinking about how to teach resilience to the middle class racist in the higher education and working world. Because those are not sometimes safe places to whistleblow or challenge racism. what coping mechanisms then?

I'm still thinking of the racism ethnic minority judges, doctors, scientists, engineers get in their fields im not even onto the racism of the police service or the judicial system or the education system et al. I think the only thing we can do to protect our children from that is to teach them to keep their noses extremely clean that they never have to rely upon an officers or a judge's 'discretion' which so often leads to incarceration for black and Asian men in this country for what a white man would get a suspended sentence.

(as an aside I think the much stereotyped jokes about black parents beating their kids that all black comedians joke about is that very real fear that if the child doesn't learn to fear authority then they will fall foul of a bent racist officer/judge afterwards. )

I'm very sorry for any of us who have experienced or seen our children experience racism. that is the worst pain seeing it on your children.

I’m already resigned to racism: biology and physiology are our realities it’s not in our heads it’s the skin we are in. I could be as ‘white’ as I wanted on the inside but all people would see is the external. I do not give myself permission to forget that or let my children forget that because the horrible sense when you are not treated like everyone else - read: having the experiences the mainstream white privileged get, is too soul crushing. I’m more into respectability politics than challenging racism et al. I don’t expect ‘the benefit of the doubt’, I don’t expect ‘second chances’, I also have seen the effect of teachers low expectations of black boys on my own family. Extrovert and they get typecast as bold/naughty/cheeky, introverted and quiet and they’re ignored brushed aside and considered ‘retarded’ as the author of the doll tests found from the 1940s.

Can you think your way out of people acting in a racist way too?

RestingGrinchFace you say that we shouldn't be bothered by people saying racist things...but can I just point out that these racists idiots point out the one thing that can not be changed...skin colour. It's not the same as someone pointing out that I wear glasses, or may have ginger hair or crooked teeth, those as things that if chosen to can be changed. But to say disgusting things about someone's skin colour will in every way hurt someone, and as much as you say your race isn't what makes you beautiful, it is what makes you you. Your genetics is what gives you your height, your eye colour, your smile....every bit of you. You can't dismiss it. I agree that your actions and words are what make a good person good and a bad person bad but growing up being bullied for whoever you are turns you into the person you are.
I would love to hear from some racist people, have an actually conversation and hear exactly why they have to views they do. We've all heard the "coming over here taking our jobs" excuse, it's ridiculous, it makes no sense. I'd like to ask my grandad in particular about his views. His dad was Polish, came to England during the war and my grandad is one of the most racist people I know, that I no longer see since having my boys. He's one of the "taking our jobs" brigade...so what about his dad? Which then makes me realise it's a skin colour issue? But why? Why does it matter? I'd love to hear an answer to that.

I would take a stand against anyone, any company, anything else that made anyone feels less than for their skin colour. Like I said in my previous post, my fiancé said that if me and him went for the same job (which he is better at and more qualified for) then I would get it over him because I'm white and he's black. This is what needs to stop.
My sons will be taught about both cultures and to face anything with their head held high and that they can achieve anything and be exceptional.

And just a side note...reading all the comments and thinking most of the week about this subject (much long in all honesty) is it strange that I sometimes feel utter shame to be white?? I dunno. XxX

hey guys i think my posts have been overly long compared to most but does anyone have an opinion about the issue of mainstream tv and movie characters for black children. towards the end of my second post i mentioned the disparity in animation characters for young black boys to see and enjoy as black girls now do. does anyone think there is something suspicious about that?

also, i really liked what was mentioned about teaching them positivity and stories of inventors and people in the arts etc. personally thats what i focus on, i dont teach my children anything about slavery or racism. i dont let them watch programmes/adverts of 'starving african children' or 'only mudhuts in africa' and the like as at their tender age, i just want them to hear positivity around africanness and blackness. time enough for the sad parts much later, when iv developed enough of a sense of their self esteem that is based on positivity of being black, not on shared suffering.

maybe im wrong but i just feel the way black history month is always focused on slavery or the civil rights movement i dont want my children to think of their ethnic heritage as having been that lowly, or that subordinate to the will of others. and always the school material i see it has a white saviour, never the story is written that the people themselves had their own strength to fight their own subjugation.

confusedmummy your kids are lucky they have you so conscious for their sake. i have a relative whose wife sees their childrens black heritage as an afterthought, her relatives all pleased the children are all lightskinned with soft hair. he loves her and doesnt think its an issue but i only fear for the future when those children grow up and try to take their place in white society and find that they are shut out due to being mixed race, then they will have not have been schooled enough in their black identity to fall back on it!

Following with interest, as I am foreign and ds's dad is white British.
Ds(9) doesn't seems to understand the racism properly yet, but I am dreading when he goes to secondary. I have experience of racist comment/attitude in the past, and my ds has strong feature of my ethnicity.