I don't like you because you're brown - how do I deal with this?

[RainbowFrog]

My DD, 5 y/o, is mixed race - I'm white, her Dad is mixed too. She has milk chocolate coloured skin (mentioning this because it's obvious she is 'brown' and noticeably different to her peers, rather than, say, my DS, who although he has exactly the same heritage, is much paler skinned and could pass as white).

DD has just finished her first year of school and mentioned that one of her friends in her class 'Jane' said she didn't like her any more because she has brown skin. I know children her age fall out and change friendships all the time and I don't think 'Jane' is being intentionally racist - she's only 5! But I do think this is something that I should mention maybe to DD's teacher? Even if just to ask if she could maybe introduce in class the concept of differences in appearance and how that doesn't make people nice /not nice etc. And that calling people out on their appearance, whether it's skin colour, hair colour, weight etc is not appropriate. Has anyone else experienced this with their children and what did you do?

Definitely mention it to the teacher. I wouldn't single out 'Jane' when you do. Hopefully the teacher will use this as an opprtunity to prep for a class based around the wonderful and interesting differences in children's ethnicity?

Thanks Orangebird69. I wasn't sure about whether to mention 'Jane' or not but it makes absolute sense to keep it anonymous. I'm not looking to get anyone into trouble but it does make me a tiny bit sad that at the age of 5 DD has already encountered this.

Yes I would also say mention it

My DD (3) has experienced something similar at school nursery, and we mentioned the thing she described to the teacher, not mentioning who she said it (also because she is a bit younger I wasn't so sure whether it would be 100% what had happened)

Thanks Pitterpatter - just out of interest, what was the response? How did the nursery handle it? It must be difficult with such young children but I presume teachers receive training on this sort of situation.

I am not sure the specifics, I think they did a session on friendships and everyone being different / special in their own way

It didn't come up again from DD so we considered it solved as such

We are in central London so the class is pretty diverse, so not sure how much it was specific to her versus them picking out something out about her appearance / repeating something they had heard iyswim

I'm mixed race so is my baby daughter and I live in a predominantly white British area and the thought has crossed my mind about this kind of thing. I hope things will change as time passes

You need to speak to the teachers and I would name the child - just so they can keep an eye on her. It could just be something she said but if she's learning it from home then they will need more than one lesson to challenge the beliefs.

It is really sad. One of the very few bonuses of having my ds in the ME means that different skin colours are a bit of a non event rather that something odd iyswim. Hope your dds teacher treats this with the importance it deserves

Thanks for all your comments. The school she goes to and area we live in is predominantly white although there are a few children at the school from other ethnic backgrounds. I know the other girl's mum and I'm fairly certain she would be surprised and a bit shocked (she's one of those lovely, gently, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly type people) so I wouldn't want to upset her, however she's also a TA at the school so I wonder if making her aware of it would bring home the fact that even children from 'lovely' homes are not immune to voicing these sorts of things.

I dread the day this happens to my DD...

Her brother could pass for white as well.

I hope it works out well and in time these things change.