Horrible racist cow on the bus

[MissM]

This isn't really to do with multicultural families, but I had to vent my rage. I got on the bus yesterday with the pram, asked a woman very politely to please move her foot which was in the aisle so I could get past. She wouldn't. People were stacking up behind me, getting impatient. I asked her to please move, she wouldn't. Eventually the old lady opposite moved her shopping trolley a fraction so I went past, catching the other woman's foot. She started moaning and griping, 'I'm going to smack her when I get off' and then said 'These foreigners, they don't have any manners'. Oo I was so mad! I turned round and said very loudly 'I was born and brought up here and even if I wasn't it wouldn't make a difference. Don't be so racist'. Was that right? She was an old lady, but she was such a cow. This is in a very multicultural area of East London - how can people have such horrible opinions and live somewhere like this? Why don't they go off and live in some whites-only ghetto in the Home Counties (apologies to those of you who live in those places). The worst thing was that I had to struggle really hard for the rest of the journey not to cry. Like I was causing the problem! My dd is mixed race, and now all I can think is that I don't want to bring her up here among people who think like that, whereas before I thought London was the best place to be.

This is horrible, you poor thing - if I did'nt know she was refusing to go out at the moment I would have suggested this was my MIL, she is like this, totally ignorant and someone who would descirbe herself as "not a racist but why do they all have to come over here?" . It is embarassing when she starts, I hate it.

I also hate it when she visits us (in the home counties) and comments on how she only seen "white faces" all day!

I have to ask her to keep her comments to herself because my children (well DD ,DS is only a baby) are able to see past skin colour and that's how I want them stay.

Well done for not giving her the satisfaction of seeing you cry!

No, you shouldn't have to put up with this kind of treatment. She was being mean to you both as a mother and because of your race. I have just got back from a weekend in Paris, where people were falling over themselves to offer me their seats on the Metro. I finally noticed that there is a long list of people with a right to priority seats, starting with people injured in war and including mothers of children under 4.

Good on you! You did the right thing.

An old woman tried to get on the bus I was on the other day and it must have been the wrong time for her pass as teh bus driver said she couldn't get on. Whatever you think of that, her reaction was unbelievable. She called him a "black bastard"

Message withdrawn

Perhaps I live in a little rose-tinted bubble but I am always so shocked when I hear attitudes like that expressed so openly. Am horrified at what you heard monkey. I try not to think of DD hearing those sorts of comments when she is old enough to understand them and being bewildered by them. The ironic thing is that I was desperate to move away from a village because it was so white, thought that the big city would be more accepting to a mixed race family. But I guess you get stupidity and ignorance wherever you are. It's just a bit of a shock when it's directed at you.

Of course it's wrong to be racist (need to say that before I get shouted down). But could it be possible that the lady in question was deaf and just didn't know what you were saying to her rather than deliberately stopping you from passing?

MissM - Poor you! What a bad mannered old bag. I think there are far more old people with views like that than younger ones. I have friends of various races, several of whom have moved out from London to where I live (mainly white Home Counties ) and they say it's much better for them here. I suppose an old lady in East London might have lived there since the war when there were very few non white people in the area.

maggi - it would still be unacceptable for a deaf person to say that foreigners have no manners!

Nope, she definitely heard because the responses she gave were directly to what I'd asked. Anyway, since this horrible incident I have been on holiday to Spain where despite seeing no black or Asian faces people treated DD like a queen. She got constant smiles, chat, people wanting to hold her, comments... What is our problem with babies in this country (ok, realise Im' starting another thread here!)

MissM - I am so sorry to hear of your experience, there are some pretty nasty people around but take comfort because these bitter people are often so horrid because they have rubbish and dull lives full of wasted opportunities! She probably sits at home and laments! Think how lucky you are compared to her!

And know what you mean about people's attitudes to children here. We have also got back from spain and it is so different. There was a point where both dds were running around making noise and I tried to shush them and one of the staff said 'no, no, let them run, we do not mind, they are children' and then proceded to smiling at the children and ask them qs.

I am the (white) mother of a mixed race child and I haven't had any problems with comments, but I have noticed how difficult and unhelpful people can be towards women with prams in general. People seem to see you as an easy target if they are feeling fed up and I am afraid old people can be awful sometimes. Good on you for answering back- don't dwell on it though, there will always be a few people with these attitudes, but just remember how few there are. Also, I know it is really hard, but try to remember that some people will always try to say the most hurtful thing- and if you are mixed race that is what they will comment on. You could have said something really hurtful about her being old but you didn't- so she was the one who lost her dignity and you did not.