Husband Sikh, me white and Jewish (not practising)

[MissM]

Hi. Is there anyone else out there in a mixed white/Asian marriage? I could really do with someone to ask lots of questions of! My husband is Sikh, and for a long time didn't tell his family about me. We got married last year and have a dd of 9 months, but relations with his family are strained. Not because they don't now accept me - they do and are welcoming and kind - but because I just don't know how I'm supposed to behave culturally, or what is expected of me as the wife of their only son. There is also a language barrier as they speak little English. DH is absolutely useless as he lived for a long time in denial of his culture and claims not to know how I should be or what I should do. I have thought of asking his sisters, but I feel too embarassed. I honestly have no idea how they see me or what they expect of me, and Im finding it quite stressful, expecially as DH won't talk about it. My family have always been completely accepting of him from day one by the way.

MissM - I too am not really concerned whether DS will accept or reject one side or the other - I would like him to have the best of both worlds, as I feel I have had by being Indian, but also very British in the way I live my day to day life.
However, I do feel a bit sad that my Indian lineage will be diluted and eventually probably disappear altogether. I can speak fluent Hindi only because my grandparents lived with us nd couldn't speak English. My own parents have always spoken English to me but a mix of Hindi/English to each other. Since my grandparents died, I have no-one to speak it with. My DS certainly won't pick it up conversationally, which is the best way to learn any language. i would have to make a special effort to teach him, although I feel less confident with my grasp of the language as time goes on and I use it less and less.
Also, I have such nostalgia of living at home as a child - the old indian films and music, the food, the relatives coming round, doing the ceremonial or religious stuff etc - we don't do any of the things now in my house, and I feel he will miss out on so much.
Have you talked to your DH about how much you want your DH to know about his culture as she grows up?

sorry I mean't DD

My DS is has heritage from three (four if you go back a bit). I'd like him to feel comfortable with the whole deal. And of course he will as this will be his reality.

Personally growing up in a mixed family I never had any issues whatsoever and never felt more one than the other. Of course I, too, cherry picked the bits and pieces I liked, mum's cooking and generally being a real 'mummy' - then going out all night to get completely blotto.

My DH's family can't quite get their head around DS's mix - not so extraordinary - I think he's just representative of British kids today.

All cultures adapt and change so the trick is not to make such a big deal of stuff. The kids will be pick up customs in no time- it will come naturally to them.