sister saying thing about my son,very upset

[josephjaidensmum]

im upset today, my younger sister has just come back from staying with my sister, she lives quite far from the rest of us and we have never really been close. i have a mixed race son, and im 19 weeks pregnant, to hear from my little sister whos only 9 that other sister had been saying thing about my son, some of it makes me to irate to say, but bascilly my little boy 19 m is light skinned and it was lots of comments about it, that came out quite crude, like his nose isnt broad enuf, he cant be his dad,he doesnt look half causte(not a phrase i would ever use, im just thinking why would anyone say anything like that ? especially my sister? and to a 9 year old who would never of said these thing shes quiet innocent and didnt even realise it would upset me. i dont know what to think, ive been with df your nearly 7 years and it has never been an issue for us, im pregnant again and worried what will they be saying behind my our new little ones back what ever she or he looks like,it just really upset me..

I really don't know much about this. but I do know that children can take any part of ones Dna...which means even gerenations after a black parent has been involved a black, very dar chld could be born, or that even between to parents, one black one not the "colours" can be rather mixed, from a child looking "white" to" black"...anything really is possible!
I can understand how you are upset about your sis, but in the end you know the truth, so...who cares, eh!

I don't understadn the OP sorry.

Your sister is 9 and is saying this stuff?

Monkeytrousers, OP has 2 sisters. 1 older 1 9yrs.

Older sis has been sayig nasty things about OP's son to, or in ear shot of 9 yr old.

9 yr then going to OP & repeating what was said.

JJ's Mum, If your relationship with your other sister is a good one, then perhaps you could ask her why she has been saying these things?

It is incredibly hurtful, and apart from that, it's none of her business!!

I went through something of a similar nature ( in so far as that people were judging my DH for things that weren't true.)

It's not nice, and she shouldn't say it!!

JJMum

Agree with funkimummy - you should talk to the older sister. She just needs putting straight on a few things as she is talking from ignorance, and it's not a good thing to pass on adult ignorance to an impressionable 9 year old.

Explain to your little sister that mixed race children can have any combination of features from mum and dad - including skin colour. It's such a myth that MR kids with one black and one white parent must be 'coffee coloured'.

I have 2 MR sons - one looks like he has tanned white skin with wavy dark brown hair and brown eyes. The other is very pale with curly light hair and blue eyes!

They are both gorgeous and both come from me and my DH!

I agree. Talk to your older sister. You need to find it in yourself to be calm when you talk to her. She will be defensive, you will be defensive and it could spark into a major row.

I think you should try to avoid the row if you can. However!!!!! You need to stand up for you and yours. So, decide what it is that you want to say. Say it calmly and no matter what she says or interrupts with keep it calm and keep repeating. Family can be the worst with this sort of thing. If your sister makes the decision not to change then keep her at a nice safe distance from your life.

In this world people will continue to say awful things to us or about us. You have to decide if you are going to fall and crumble or rise above it and walk tall. You have a beautiful son and another baby on the way. Remind your little sister of the beauty of her cousins. Don't put your older sister down in front of her but do tell her that the comments are hurtful. She's old enough to understand.

Just to let you know that I have 5 children. I am black and their father is white. The youngest is by far the palest of my brood. Mixed children come in any number of colours. The ILs are awful people. They took issue when he married me... I'm too black and they used to say thank goodness the children aren't too dark. They don't see them (or me) any more thank goodness, but I kept my head and can't be accused of making things worse.

Hold your head high and walk with pride. Don't let anyone pull you down.

thanks everyone for your kind words to explain a bit more.
the sister that said everything to my 9yr old sis, we have never really been close ,she is younger than me, she had said a few racial thing to me when i was pregnant,that really upsetme and once when my son was born and it blew in to a huge row,
we live far apart and rarely see eachother, but as she recently pregnant i have been speaking to her more on the phone and felt we had gotten a bit closer,then my 9yr old sis went to stay with her and i heard all of this.i just didnt understand it,i dont really even think i want to speak to her anymoreand definetly dont want to turn it into a row because i dont need the stress,it more upset me than angered me.Her son is only 1 yr older than my son and i would never do anything else than praise and be speak lovely about anyones children so i dont know how she could say such thing.

-Marscentio- you sound really strong ,horrible inlaws, i think i will be keeping my son and future babys away from her from now on
again thanks every1 again

emma