Hi I am currently pregnant with DC3 and I have just realised, i dont really like/respect my husband any more.
After my DS2 was born, in 2013, we stopped having sex and i did not mind (i dont think i fancy him to be honest) and he never initated it. Sex has never been good and we only ever did it for conception. After 7 years of marriage sex still hurts and is uncomfortable and not at all pleasurable.
Then 6 months ago, we did it once for the sake of it i guess, not sure what the reasons were but i can pinpoint the exact date/time as it was literally a one off and i got pregnant. It was silly of me to assume that i wouldnt get pregnant, but because we dont have sex i am not on any contraception.
He stopped working 4 months ago because he needed to 'find himself'. He still has not found anything and says he is busy looking after the DC, who are in nursery three days a week.
I work full time and my salary is sufficient for now but it is going to be difficult with the third child. But he is not motivated to do anything. when i bring it up he sulks and says he is useless and goes into a spiral of self blame, then 10 mins later its all 'back to normal'. I am starting to sound like a nag, so i have stopped saying anything.
I am 30 and i feel like my whole life is wasted. I am married to a man i dont love (i married him when I was 22 because my mother said i was far too ugly to find anyone else and had such a terrible childhood i just wanted to leave home. Culturally girls cannot live alone, but move from parents home to the husbands home)
My parents say that culturally marriage is for life and its all about the children now. That women are not entitled to be happy, but their duty is to ensure their children and husband are looked after and they are happy.
His parents say i put too much pressure on him and i should stay at home and look after the kids. I did raise the point that there will be no income coming in if I stayed at home, but they did not seem to hear that. They say once a woman is married then its for life.
Children with two parents are the best and it is the duty of the parents to provide them with security. That divorce will lead to the childrens ruin and it will be all my fault.
I want my children to have a happy childhood and know what its like to be in love and to be happy.
I am 30 and have no idea what good sex is, i have never felt the butterflies or excitement of love, i dont have the security of friendship/kinship ...etc and a new baby is going to ground me even more and there is no escape.
Outside we look like the perfect family. But indoors, it is a prison.
Is it the duty of a mother to sacrifice her happiness and her life, for her children? And is a mother who doesnt a bad one?