relations between white and black moms in UK

[twoboysmom]

In the States, the relations between black women and white women in IR relations is a sisterhood to say the least. White women tend to be defensive because black women can give them a hard time about "taking their black men." I guess black women may think white women are just stuck up or something. Anyway, I wonder how bw/ww with biracial or mixed race children then to get along in this country. For myself, I can't be hypocritical and have a problem with someone doing what I am doing myself.

Sorry Twoboysmum, I'm in a ww relationship but just wanted to bump for you. It's an interesting question. I'm not sure if there is the same 'rivalry' in the UK re white women taking black men, as I'm not privy to that culture but maybe there is in the metropolis down south..

By the way, what does IR mean? Are you in the US?

I've experienced the 'your taking our black man from us' from a few people as I got older but they were just a very rare occurance.

To be honest I grew up in a very mixed cultured (and poor) area of London (hackney) and most of my friends growing up were black (or of another ethnic minority) and none of them ever had a problem with me going out with a black man. I found also that there were some white men who took offense to the fact that I was with a black man. As if it was a personal dig at them.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm greek (therefore also an ethnic minority) but I haven't really had too many problems with this esp from black women.

sos that is meant to say esp not from black women.

Monkeytrousers...IR means Interracial. I'm here in UK...herts, but I've not really heard what these kinds of relationships are called here unless its also called mixed relationships.

not familiar with term "bump for you." what does it mean? Sounds positive anyway.

So bubblez would you say class is more important than race to who you hook up with in your neighborhood?

I wouldn't nessicarily say that it's a matter of class but more a matter of what area your brought up in.

Like America, England has many areas where the population is predominantly white or one nationalitly. In these areas it is more unusual, I supose, for there to be IR or mixed relationships, therefore, those relationships may be viewed differently. You may notice that there are a few threads on 'where is it safe for a mixed family to live out of london'.

The area that I was brought up in would, I supose, be likened more to 'the bronx' as in it is an area synonymous with shootings, murders, drug dealing, gangs, poor housing situations (all in a smaller area) and is very highly populated with ethnic minorities (including me). I think that when you are brought up in an area like this where everyone around you is in the same position and struggling in the same way it is easier to connect with each other (regardless of race) cos your living very simular lives. So IR relationships become common place well they deffinately are where I grew up, which means that they don't meet as much predudice as in area's where they are not so common. ISWIM?

Oh and in answer to your question (seeing as I seem to have read it wrong) I think that the most important factor is upbringing, rather than class, that determines who you end up with. As even the people who are 'better off' in Hackney would still be called working class. They are just fortunate enough to have a bigger house rather than have to live in a two bedroom box on just one of many run down interconected estates.

bump means: bring up my post. It's used so that threads don't drop out of active conversations.

As a black woman married to a white man I've had all the comments from all the people. I doubt that it is such a big deal, though personally I think that racism is more covert in England than the States (note I said personally!!!).

What I think is that people that are going to have a problem with you are going to have a problem with you because that's just the way that they are. Just like children always find something to pick on in others, so do adults. Some people just don't like difference.

Of course I am lucky to live in London, but I've heard comments that would make your toes curl. Can't be arsed with people like that.

Actually I had more comments from my own family (not immediate fam) about why I haven't ended up with a 'nice greek boy'. But I put an end to that soon enough. We'll have to see now though as I've moved out of Hackney to Enfield and I know that there are some parts which are more racist then others.

I do personally think that the states have more of a problem with racism then England (although it is still a very real problem here too). But then I'm only going by what I see on documentories etc.

How did you find it living in the States and being in a IR relationship??

i grew up mostly in e london i never relly had a problem with this situation but i think that because the area was full of so many different cultures that all my friend had different culturesand ethnic origin to me. the only thing i hav noticed is white man taking a dislike to our relationship.but those who do not no us.Also my partner is from w africa wen we visit the women and girl have been so nice to me personly but i have heard some friends bad experinences of this

bubblez,

My husband and I lived in Indiana...which is the closest we've come to living in the South. The most we got were looks, but since I'm a NY'er and don't look at anyone anyway, it never bother me (and after a while, he didn't notice either). We lived in DC, the Capital city, before coming here and I would just avoid black men's eyes because I don't need their opinions and didn't want to invite a possible snub that would throw my nose out of joint for the day. So, I would say, we did not have a hard time at all. We lived in a black neighborhood which was coming up, but we primarily had friends in the burbs or white areas of city. I loved it. Wouldn't be here but for my husband's work.

I suppose one cannot generalise; there are idiots everywhere, but generally London and all the big UK cities will be tolerant of mixed relationships. I am a black woman with a white man, and the only place on the globe that I've ever felt edgy was....Louisiana. Scary - glares from whites and glares from blacks - particularly Baton Rouge. Avoid guys! (Just joking!)

So, twoboysmom, how do you find Herts?

You Too!!! We went to NO and my dh and I did not touch each other walking through the French Quarter...we usually held hands, but not there. Can't say I noticed anyone noticing us, but that's me all over. That was my first time feeling uncomfortable.

I'm okay in Herts. Sometimes I wonder what that look on some service peoples faces is about when I first approach them for info, but hey, they probably don't like anyone who has a question. I love that we're 45 min train ride into Liverpool Street. That's better than some parts of London itself.

London may be more than tolerant. It's probably doesn't even notice IR couples and families. I remember a positive experience in down in the village (Soho) in NYC, my son was a baby and we were walking around and got some real nods and smiles...my baby was probably just charming everyone with his little handsome devil self. : )

Went to Colchester Zoo last week. We saw so many mixed raced children with white families or white women. Is that the majority of IR families...single moms and children? Are there many ww/bw couples out there In your opinion...observation. In the States, its still mainly bm/ww if it happening at all.