Credit card debt- too scared to tell dh!please help me!

[homicidalmummy]

can someone please help/advise me?
I feel I'll at the thought of telling my husband I have run up a credit card debt of 3,265!!!
He is going to be so disappointed and angry withme which is why I've kept it a secret til now. I am a sahm and cannot afford to be paying it back with the little money dhgives me as housekeeping.

He is very good with money and am surecould find a solution to it, even though we are already in debt, I just don't want to burden him. He has no idea. I do all banking on line, get all the post( in case there is correspondence)-including always getting up early on Saturdays to get the post.

I know there will be a massive row and I will feel like shit and like a stupid child. I just don't want the row as we're getting on great and I feel so pathetic dumping this on him. Can't stand the thought of the disappointment and rows.
On the other hand, I feel so sick caught up in it all.

Please help me!

oh honey

first thing to say is that you must tell your DH. he will probably be angry but he will be so glad that you have told him rather than letting it get further.

second thing is, why do you think you have run up the debt? is it because you don't have enough for essentials, or is it spending on treats? both are completely understandable but obviously there are different remedies depending on which it is. if you simply are not getting enough from DH to cover essentials then you should say so.

why does your DH give you housekeeping money? do you not have access to his account/all his income?

I would also recommend a visit to this forum. If you don't know it already, it's a forum for people who are seeking to get out of debt - many many of them have hidden their debts from their other halves and are also terrified but you will see that their other halves are always glad to have been told.

plenty of practical tips on there as well.

hope that helps and sure others will be along in a moment!

Hi

Firstly, just to let you know I am a debt adviser, and there are lots of options out there for dealing with credit debts, so don't panic! Please seek advice from a charity offering free debt advice, like your local advice centre, citizen's advice bureau, or CCCS, who offer advice over the phone. Don't be tempted by one of these shady companies advertising on the internet or daytime TV that claim they can wipe all of your debt; they will charge you a fortune and may not advise you correctly because they are in it to make money themselves.

Unfortunately, there are not many remedies available that would not involve drawing up a financial statement to get an idea of available income to pay off the debt, or to identify if indeed you do not have any income with which to pay off the debt, and as you are sharing your home with your partner they would need to take the income he brings into the household into account.

Unless you have no available income left over at the end of the month as a family with which to address debts (this is after you have spent on all your essentials), they would expect a payment based on what is left over, i.e. you would have to ask your husband for it. Also, any good money adviser would want to know what other debts you have and what is happening with these to get a full picture of your situation.

Without wanting to go into too much detail here, do not panic, as nothing terrible will happen to you because of a credit card debt.

I am more concerned as you say you have other debts as a couple. Is anyhting being done to address these? Maybe you should suggest to your DH that you seek debt advice as a couple anyway?

Secondly, IMHO, and I hope you don't mind me getting more personal, it sounds like you are scared of your DH... does he really have the right to go so nuts if he finds out you've run up a credit card debt? I presume he is at least partly responsible for the other debts in your household?

From the language you use it sounds like your self-esteem has been knocked. You are not stupid or childish for running up a debt, it happens to loads of people, but it does need to be dealt with rather than hiding it, you will feel so much better once you have faced up to it. If you do not feel strong enough to tell your DH yet get some general advice on your own, but in the long term, I would be concerned that if I was really so scared of my partner's reaction to a credit card debt am I with the right person?

Hi
As someone who has similar debts and is a single mum (low income but works) please remember it's just money (even the banks confuse credit with real money).
Whats killing you is the fear of keeping it secret.
Can I point out that you are in no way a child and that as an adult you can cope with this.There is no reason for anyone to think that including a husband but especially you.
Get a job and sort it.Get a low interest loan and sort it,get a zero rate transfer and sort it.
Your husband will be cross because it'll be a shock. A plan will help. You are quite capable of dealing with this - single people are doing this all over the country and yes you can run a house ea,t drink and go out with debit.
Get perspective ,ask for advice (8rubberduckies sounds good!)and be very sweet to your other half.

I have never before had tears running down my cheeks when Reading replies.... And even as I type this.
The 'oh honey' reply from the first poster started me bawling.
To answer a few questions, we do have joint accounts but dh gives me money to cover all my and dc outgoings as I am crap with money and would just take money out all the time if I could, and bills could end up not getting paid.

I don't doubt for a minute that he is the manfor me, he is a lovely, kind, gentle man who will be upset and hurt. I do doubt however that I am the woman for him ( because of all this).

I told him through tears when he came in from work. No shouting, no talking really. He says ge just needs to know all the facts before he can think about it.

Tough evening ahead but am glad I told him.

Thank you, you kind kind people.
Xx

Very Well Done and remember you and your DH are in this together and will work it out together.

There is loads of advice out there on managing finances and debt, you will get it sorted, it will take time and a LOT of self discipline but you will get it sorted.

best of luck

I'm glad you told him and he did not react how you thought he would in your first post, I reckon just the fact it's not a secret anymore will take a lot of the stress out of the situation...

I echo the other poster's sentiments that you now need to move forward together and tackle your joint financial situation together. I know I'm repeating myself but I strongly advise you to seek some independent, free debt advice. They will also help you with budgetting to avoid getting into more debt, help you put things in perspective and talk through the best ways of dealing with all of your debts holistically. People I see often walk out with so much more confidence in themselves and their ability to deal with their finances.

Good luck!