OK long rambling post, many problems at present.
I am on maternity leave with dc2, he is 7m old. With DD had only 5m off work then back as nearing end of professional training scheme and wanted to get it finished. Dh, who works as construction site/project manager then finished his current job (via agency) so stayed at home to look after dd whilst I went back to work. Was pregnant again when she was 6m old (planned!) and went on mat leave a little earlier, hoping to have a year off possibly.
Plan was for dh to go back to work on my 2nd mat leave. Several problems with this:
He was diagnosed with some kind of inflammatory arthritis ?rheumatoid just after dd was born, comes and goes but when severe cannot drive, pick things up, painful in extreme, currently seeing consultant but not well controlled yet. So getting up and down scaffolding etc would be difficult and too dangerous. As he would have to declare the illness, much less likely to be employed in a competitive field. As working thru agency in last 2 jobs, effectively self-employed so never had any sick pay.
Dh has chronic depression which has been much worse since the recent ill-health. Point blank refuses to see GP, if did he would refuse antidepressants or counselling. Not unreasonable, he deals with it in his own way, but a bit rough on me as I am really his only support.
Finances crap as 2 kids in 2 years and unexpected lack of dh's income. I don't have a job to go back to officially but can get some locum work at least for next 3 months, and looking for a permanent post which will bring in good enough money to keep us both, and security more importantly.
I had to go to see bank manager recently as in such a mess was in danger of not paying mortgage. Sorted with mortgage hol for 3m and re-jigged loans etc. Credit cards paid off now which is great. Dh wouldn't come with me and just let me get on with it.
Anyway, dh is perfectly entitled to claim disability, via which we would also get reduction in council tax, free prescriptions for him, poss increase in tax credits etc. Would make a big difference. He refuses; is so distressed at not being able to support us and feels embarrassed at admitting he is "disabled". I really feel for him, but the fact is he is completely burying head in sand and is not supporting me at all.
We have had some rough times since children born as I had pnd with dd, thankfully not this time. We still love each other so much and relationship will survive, but as he has abdicated all "grown-up" decisions, I feel as if I am looking after 3 children, not 2. It's uncertain whether his condition will improve enough to work again.
Any suggestions for encouraging him to claim the benefits which would help us a lot?