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Original poster

Would it be better for your children to stay at home or pay their university education (or house deposit)

27 replies

assumetheposition · 03/04/2010 21:44

This is a genuine question. I realise I am in a fortunate position so please don't turn this into a 'you don't know you're born' thread.

After DS1 was born I went back to work 3 days a week at 12 months. I left my job after DS2 was born as we relocated. He is now 13 months and I have been doing a bit of (very) sporadic freelancing over the last 6 months.

Now DH earns OK money - not massive amounts but just about average. We are looking to buy a house but want no more than 3x DH's salary.

Both my parents have died so I inherited a chunk of money. A lot has gone into our house deposit, and we have rainy day savings of about 6 months money.

I invested the rest years ago in ISAs/shares with the intention that, in 18 years time, it would either pay for their university or house deposit.

Thing is, we don't have that much money anymore. DH's salary covers our month to month living but nothing extra (clothes, holidays, class fees etc). I have to pay a childminder to look after DS2 even when I am not working to keep the space. I have reached the point where either I have to look for a proper job, or sell some of the investments to tide me over.

My question is, would it be better for my children to use some of the money now, to enable me to stay at home for the next year or so, or would they be better served having that nest egg later on.

DH is of the opinion that I should earn more now, so we can pay off the mortgage early etc etc - but I feel that they are little for such a short period, I don't mind working to pay off the mortgage when they are older and don't need me so much.

What would you do.

That's long - sorry.

OP posts:
compo · 03/04/2010 21:48

It's fine to do either, there is no 'best'
it's how you feel now tbh

CarGirl · 03/04/2010 21:53

Hopefully by the time they go to uni they will have changed the system and they will be able to work their way through it as you can in the US. ALso I think you value your education far more if you have to actually pay for it yourself, plus what if they don't want to go........

Original poster
assumetheposition · 03/04/2010 21:57

Cargirl - I think I'm really talking about a general nest egg. If they don't go to university, I would keep it until they need to buy a house.

One of the reasons is that my nieces and nephews all have money left to them by my parents (my DSs weren't born at the time so don't have any).

IT does worry me slightly that my nieces and nephews would have no chance of buying their own house otherwise.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 03/04/2010 21:58

I'm a bit wierd because I haven't spent my life getting hand outs or hoping to inherit one day, did you?

Original poster
assumetheposition · 03/04/2010 22:03

No, not at all. I was made to work bloody hard for everything my parents gave me.

My Dad died when I was fairly young and I don't consider his money a 'hand out'. Some people may say I'm lucky to have it but I don't as I'd rather have him.

He was very careful with money and worked very hard. I feel guilty about frittering it away on not working for a living.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 03/04/2010 22:05

TBH I would say that you can never get back this time with your dcs and that would be my choice, you have to make the decision that is right for you IYSWIM.

Ponders · 03/04/2010 22:07

They don't only need you when they're little, so if you can manage not to work (much) all the way through to them leaving home, then don't (even if it does mean your mortgage isn't paid off for years).

Re uni finance, who knows what the setup will be when yours go...if you can afford to keep it stashed away then do; if by the time they go, student finance is astronomical, then use it to finance them.

If it's still roughly equivalent to how it is now, let them get loans, part-time jobs etc, & use your money as house deposit or whatever after graduation.

CarGirl · 03/04/2010 22:08

I really do think house prices won't be like they are now tbh, something has to change with house prices so I wouldn't worry about them not being able to get their foot on the ladder.

cat64 · 03/04/2010 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CarGirl · 03/04/2010 22:54

I think I have just accepted that having a mortgage is just more securing than renting. Dh and I will probably be working until we are 75 and have a mortgage until then for our small humble mid terrace but this does mean that I've not worked for 5 years and I'll only be returning to work part time because yes your dc do need you as they get older.

Quattrocento · 03/04/2010 23:00

It's a tricky one

I don't think it would be better for your children for you to stay at home, necessarily

If your nest egg can only fund a year for you at home, then what happens at the end of that year? Presumably you go out to work again? And you might lose a chunk of seniority in that time and find your earning capability temporarily depressed

Original poster
assumetheposition · 04/04/2010 08:07

It's more that it would fund me being freelance for a while longer - and hopefully building up a client base so I could carry on.

At the moment, it's just about covering the childcare costs (including when I'm not working).

The reason I left my job and moved is that I wanted to the freedom to be freelance so I could be more flexible as the children got older.

I think I would struggle to get another permanent part time job and I would have to move industry.

Oh it's all so difficult.

OP posts:
MillyMollyMoo · 04/04/2010 17:32

Well on the basis that you can never get back time and it's time that the children need spending with them in order for them to ever get to university in the first place then I would stay home with them.
All this saving money for your child's first house etc I find strange, if parents weren't funding deposits now for their children then the prices would drop and the children wouldn't have to borrow as much.

AnnaSergeyevna · 04/04/2010 17:56

I also find all this saving for our dc's to be able to buy their own flats/houses a bit strange.
My philosophy is to FIRST make sure you and your partner are covered for in the long term. Do you have enough of a pension to cover you to live comfortably (however you define that) well into your 90's?
Then, look at how you can provide the best environment and opportunities for your DC so that they can grow up into responsible and independent adults. In my book this does not include buying them, or giving them a deposit, for a property.

That's my theory anyway, my dc are still too young to prove it right or wrong

wastwinsetandpearls · 04/04/2010 17:59

I will help my dd at university but she will not be getting any handouts from me. I have not taken any from my parents and have made it clear that we are not expecting any inheritance. We inherited a small amount from my dp's mother and tbh it caused such trouble I don't want to inherit anything ever again.

I would say spend you money in a manner that makes you happy.

mumblechum · 04/04/2010 18:07

If you're struggling at the moment I think you should use the money now.

We're planning to pay ds right through Med School and buy him a small house outright in order to avoid paying 40% inheritance tax when we pop off. Some might think that's indulgent but so far as we're concerned we'd rather he had the benefit than the tax man.

Whatever makes your life easier now makes sense imo

wastwinsetandpearls · 04/04/2010 18:10

I am not planning to leave anyone anything bar a few charities so the tax man will not be getting anything from me.

mumblechum · 04/04/2010 18:11

But he'll take it anyway, Twinset, everything over the threshold is taxable at 40%

MillyMollyMoo · 04/04/2010 18:12

£250k the threshold isn't it ? We'll be doing well to acquire that in our lifetime.

wastwinsetandpearls · 04/04/2010 18:13

I don't really care mumblechum, I happily pay my taxes when alive so will do the same when dead.

Taxes are not a bad thing, they pay for schools and hospitals. I have never understood why people make it a life mission to escape the tax man.

Lonicera · 04/04/2010 18:18

IHT threshhold is £325 K

MillyMollyMoo · 04/04/2010 18:18

Nothing to worry about there then lol

mumblechum · 04/04/2010 18:20

Or £650 for a married couple.

I know what you mean, Twinset, but you pay tax on the money you earn, then again may massive wodges of stamp duty when you buy houses, loads of other taxes eg VAT, seems like IHT is just retaxing you on money you've already taken a hit on.

wastwinsetandpearls · 04/04/2010 18:21

Me neither.

If I buy a house and on a teacher's salary it is not that likely I will have to sell it to fund my retirement.

needsdirection · 04/04/2010 18:26

If I were you, I'd try to stay home and get as much freelance work as possible. My ds is also 13 months and I've been home and just done a few freelance projects, so same as you, basically.

We are seriously broke but I still want the flexibility to be home as much as possible for him and his older brother. My plan is now to start looking for more freelance projects, even if I have to do some work when the boys are in bed at night. I will start looking for a 'proper' job when ds is 3 or 4 and just accept that money is tight at the moment and that it's also an exhausting time!

What is your profession, btw?

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