SAHMs and Money

[welltellme]

I know this kind of thing has been debated before but I just want some fresh views from SAHMS - current or past.

When you became a SAHM, how did you arrange / negotiate / agree with your OH how much money was reasonable to spend on yourself?

If you put all earnings in one pot, how do you decide who spends what?

Does your DP care, notice or comment on what you spend?

Do you feel you have a right to spend something on yourself, assuming all the essentials are covered, kids needs' sorted, etc?

Thanks Dwayne. When I was a SAHM I did the same with spreadsheets etc which I regularly used to show DH and try to talk about, but it always ended up in a row.

I'm not talking about big blow outs here, really.

I am talking about things I assume most women do e.g. having their hair cut, buying new clothes occasionally, going to cinema with friends, kind of thing.

I mean most women do if the family budget stretches to it, of course.

I receive all the money coming into the house, and deal with most of the outgoings. i would never ask dh what he thought i should spend but i am quite frugal compared to my friends - we talk about ways of saving money together but i don't think we have ever argued about money - it is just not an emotive subject for me. i have bought the odd treat for myself (usually Dr Hauschka stuff) and dh would never comment on that - he is crap with money (always has been) and he knows he would spend it all on rubbish were it not for my financial control. would not do spreadsheets (no way!!) - keep it rock'n'roll, find good deals, recycle, get all discounts etc

are you a journo?

Yes, I feel I have the right to blow money on frivolities (provided we have the money) as much as DH does - my being a (currently job-hunting) SAHM makes his life a hell of a lot easier in many many ways. DH doesn't comment, and is far more likely to waste money than me in any case.

This does sound like it's going to crop up in newsprint any day now - my money's on the Guardian Women pages. If you're not a journo, you probably should be.

Am a SAHM. We have continued to manage the finances the same as we did before I went on maternity leave. Like Dwayne, we pool money, and I do the spreadsheet, but it's not as detailed as Dwayne's. We have a "delegated limit" below which we can spend without consulting the other, so long as it isn't something that would have a big impact, e.g. furniture. For us the limit was £200, but neither of us has spent anything like that since DS arrived as we've been too knackered!

TBH, it doesn't sound like your problem is so much being a SAHM, as not being able to talk to your DH about money issues. How did you do this when you were both working?

we've always put all earnings in one pot and we don't notice care or comment on what the other spends because we have respect for each other and our marriage.

we did this when he was the SAHP as well.

No Eldon, very long term namechanger, honest.

I'm just trying to resolve some things in my head that happened a while ago. Trying to work out how unreasonable things really were.

Lol Hassled..I guess it's because my questions were really direct. It's not my usual posting style.

It's not my situation now - yes I had huge issues with my ex about money, which culminated when I became a SAHM.

I've been SAHM for 5 years or more.

I have credit card in DH's name, spend as I like (we both have the same attitudes to spending) I don't buy anything out of the ordinary that costs loads of money without talking to DH first and vice versa.

Child benefit and tax credits paid into my own bank account. I withdraw it as cash that pays for car parking/play schemes/coffee out with friends etc

Joint bank account which DH transfers money into from his own account as that is where his wage goes. That pays for the credit card every month. Money left over transferred into savings. All direct debits paid from here.

Everything open and honest, we have access to the joint account and each other's accounts as we know the log in and passwords.

Joint accounts, all money goes in, bills go out, what's left is usually spent on 'joint' things (like stuff for the house). Small frivolous things for ourselves we just buy (magazines, inexpensive clothing etc). if either of us were going to spend more than about £40 on something out of the ordinary we'd definatly mention it to the other. But it rarely arises - we trust each other with money.