Page 2 | is it normal for people to use their overdraft as part of their income....

mum2samandalex · 2009-10-12T08:24:35+00:00

dh owes some money on credit cards more then i thought. Ive now looked at his bank statement and his wages hardly cover his overdraft by the time he's paid me my food moeny etc he's already into his overdraft. Do people live like this? Im devastated-i could never live like this. He says its under control but that is until something happens. Ive said our marriage is over but im trying to understand whether people do live like this in these hard times.

smackapacka · 13/10/2009 20:25

My Grandpa advised me to buy me house on an overdraft rather than a mortgage - it was £1800 back in the early 60s and he thought it was a good way to borrow money.... I had to explain that in 2003 I was unlikely to get at 200k overdraft.

Anyway - yes we do use our overdraft although we are FINALLY paying it back a small amount each month. I get paid on 26th and DH gets paid on 15th (and all bills go out on 1st), so our balance fluctuates thoughout the month.

I don't think it sounds as if the overdraft is really your concern, it's you lack of trust and communication with DH isn't it?

saramoon · 13/10/2009 21:06

We always used to live in our OD. We only have one account and no credit cards. We have budgeted alot over the last year and are now not using it as such but do occasionally fall into it without realising or if the car needs fixing or something. Think it is very normal - my sis lives on hers and has done for years - and doesn't really have to, it is just a habit.

ABetaDad · 13/10/2009 21:20

mum2samandalex - large numbers live like this and they all say 'its under control' until it isn't. Credit cards maxed out, loans from doorstep lender, unauthorised OD as well.

I see 20 - 30 cases a week at the charity I work for. Sometimes not their fault but MOSTLY just by pure overspending.

It is why the credit crunch is so severe as banks have suddenly slammed down the shutters and are now just gouging people who are trapped in debt.

Original poster

mum2samandalex · 13/10/2009 21:32

I can understand dipping into it now and then but hes in the red pretty much as soon as hes paid.

Im annoyed that hes used it to the max especially on top of the credit cards. So basically we have no emergency funds as hes used all our resources.

Im annoyed he didnt tell me sooner as maybe we could worked things out between us.I feel like hes gone behind my back like i said its not the first time. He doesnt see it affects us all. I was understanding last time but now i feel i cant trust him with money.

Some people obviously do not feel its a big deal but like beta dad has dad things can soon get out of control.He has a young family to support now.

Scarey teacher he had to take a job away from home after leaving the navy as there was no jobs near our home. The idea was that i would follow him up but we have been unable to sell or rent out our house. Therefore he is paying to stay up there weekdays and just home at the weekends.So we are paying double for everything and in theory his take home income isnt that great. Im not sure about tax reduction or how it works.

OP posts:

scaryteacher · 13/10/2009 22:14

If you are still in the Westcountry, then there should not be too much of a problem renting out your house. Mine is in Cornwall, and we rented it no problem for a foreign posting. It depends which letting agent you use. Mine is in Tavistock, but rents properties in Cornwall, around Tavi and in Plymouth.

Alternatively, you could rent via Derriford as nurses are always looking to rent, or via Marjons or Plymouth Uni for the students as well. The other option, given that MQs can be scarce there, is through the company that does SSFA for the Forces.

For Council Tax he should be getting a 50% discount where he is renting during the week if he is the sole occupier as his sole/main residence is your marital home.

I know he left, but if things are bad could he not rejoin the RN?

scaryteacher · 13/10/2009 22:18

If you are still in the Westcountry, then there should not be too much of a problem renting out your house. Mine is in Cornwall, and we rented it no problem for a foreign posting. It depends which letting agent you use. Mine is in Tavistock, but rents properties in Cornwall, around Tavi and in Plymouth.

Alternatively, you could rent via Derriford as nurses are always looking to rent, or via Marjons or Plymouth Uni for the students as well. The other option, given that MQs can be scarce there, is through the company that does SSFA for the Forces.

For Council Tax he should be getting a 50% discount where he is renting during the week if he is the sole occupier as his sole/main residence is your marital home.

I know he left, but if things are bad could he not rejoin the RN?

bibbitybobbityCAT · 13/10/2009 22:18

We are permanently overdrawn and have been for about oooh let me think it would be nearly 9 years, since we had our first dc, and I became sahm. Giving up my salary made us considerably poorer!

Original poster

mum2samandalex · 14/10/2009 10:43

To be honest scareyteacher he's been like it since he was allowed credit before we got together. He was meant to be sorting it out a long time ago. When he was in navy it was just as bad the more money he earns the worse it will be i suspect.I had more money then him on my measly student grant then he did when he first joined up.Hes just not good with finances. Im the type of person who will budget and save and hes the type to bang it on the card there's always been that clash between us. And now im a sahm i feel a bit helpless and like i have no control. Theres a few clashes between us but ive ignored them because i love him and he is a good man. I think this is the final straw tbh.I want my own dependence now and to be in control of things so looking into going back to uni and going alone.

OP posts:

scaryteacher · 14/10/2009 11:03

If he was still in the RN and was weekending, then you would still be paying the food charge and mess bills, and some travel I assume? The difference is that you are now paying a mortgage instead of rent on MQs.

I'm a SAHM, but I wouldn't say I have no control. Finances are joint - he earns it and I spend it!

Take his cards off him. Set a reasonable budget for travel, rent and feeding himself whilst away, plus a little extra for a pint or a takeaway perhaps, and set up a new account that has no o/d on it. That is his money for the month. If he runs out tough shit.

You have your housekeeping or whatever and presumably you can live within that. Have another account for mortgage and bills and put a sum in to cover those and no more. It's a bit like the tin my gran used to have where she kept money for the electricity and gas etc, but with bank accounts.

If the account with the o/d is joint, and any of the cards, you are liable as well as him, so even if you split up, then you will still have the debt.

You need to be perfectly calm when he is next home, very grown up, and tell him that you need to discuss this rationally with him. Draw up a plan for dealing with it together. Don't do the grand flounce of it's all over as that will just set things off again.

I have a big bill to fund for work that needs doing on my house. Christmas will be pared back present wise this year to cover that; and with the Belgian car tax bill rapidly approaching (2k plus), then we'll be eating out of the freezer in November.

Explore renting out and moving with him again, I can let you have the name and number of my letting agent - she's brilliant.

Sourdough · 14/10/2009 11:19

scaryteacher talks sense. If finances are a problem then you are not communicating about them sufficiently. When they involve a whole family they should not be left to just one person to manage. I handle the finances single-handedly in our family and it is a HUGE burden. However well I think I'm managing it can always take a turn for the worse and it's not always my fault (in fact, it seldom is!)
You sound as though you may be over-stretched by circumstances you can change to your advantage and scaryteachers suggestions are excellent. Life's not easy, but you have to tackle problems not just walk away from them. They will always walk after you.

anniemac · 16/10/2009 12:01

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Ambi · 17/10/2009 13:19

I lived in mine for years, but it was always more difficult to calcuate cashflow so I finally paid it off and then only used it in emergencies. Now my lovely bank account charges £1 a day for arranged overdraft use, I keep a buffer in my account which I use as an overdraft and now 0% credit cards are emergency use.

I think it's very common to use overdrafts, but they are pretty hard to pay off too as you can't send a payment to pay off a portion as you would any other debt.

overmydeadbody · 17/10/2009 13:21

It is very normal for a lot of people, as are constantly using credit cards.

It's not usually a choice that people find easy you know.

BayeauxT · 17/10/2009 23:01

Mum2, i just wanted to say that I understand where you're coming from about ending your marriage and how angry you must be feeling. People seem to be saying it's not a big deal and "OTT" but if it's happened not once but twice as you said then it can really cause a huge amount of damage to trust - whether a husband lies about money or seeing another woman, whatever, it's still a lie.

I was in a similar position a couple of years ago - ready to end it, but for the sake of my DD stuck with and made some major changes - mostly that I am now in charge of the £££; I wear the pants, so to speak, and if he doesn't like it he can F-off (sounds rough, but actually I think our marriage is quite good now!) I think scary teacher's ideas are good - hope you're able to sort things out.