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Original poster

CSA Experts

20 replies

Overtiredmum · 23/09/2009 20:45

I seem to find myself in a situation where an ex-partner of my DH is now claiming her child's father is my DH. The son is now 10. Yes, they had a relationship but she terminated the relationship one day claiming she no longer loved him and they separated. News through the grapevine over the years is that she had a child, although we assumed it was nothing to do with DH as he is not named on the birth certificate and he wasn't even told (a) that she was expecting and (b) that she has given birth. Fast forward nearly 10 years and DH has received an email from ex stating that the child now wants to meet him . I am preparing myself for the fact that child obviously is but cannot understand why she has decided to get in touch now, when she has always denied him the right of a father. Anyway, my question is, I earn more than my DH, would CSA bring my income into the equation, we have 2 children, aged 4 and 4 months. I am worried sick, as we have so much debt and are struggling. Although I want to add that I am fully supportive of my DH and obviously if he is the father then he should contribute. Have looked on CSA website but does not state whether they would take my income into account. We would lose our home for sure.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 23/09/2009 20:49

I'm not sure but I think they only take his income into consideration and it's a straight 15% of his net income, not sure if it's reduced because of his other children to support.

Is she saying that she is going via the CSA?

Original poster
Overtiredmum · 23/09/2009 20:53

She hasn't even asked about money as yet. Just that the child now wants to meet him, although my DH isn't even registered as the dad. We are prepared to pay if it was proved that DH is the dad, I just don't understand why after all this time ex has now decided the time is right for them to meet, without even establishing paternity.

OP posts:
pippel · 23/09/2009 20:58

probably because hes started asking questions and wants to meet him maybe she knows she did the wrong thing

its a hard situation for you and your dh

CarGirl · 23/09/2009 20:59

Perhaps her son has asked about his father and she's getting a lot of pressure for him over it.

I should imagine at the time she wanted to get on with bringing up baby on her own and didn't think through the longer term implications.

I would want her assurances that she is 100% certain that your dh is the father (ie no-one else can be) before meeting. I think he needs to express that for the boys emotional welfare she has to be sure.

As far as the CSA goes you can dispute paternity but if it is proven that you are then you have to pay for the paternity testing. You may be able to get paternity testing done cheaply over the internet if his ex will agree to it? Again I would just approach it from the it being in the child's best interests that this is clear from the start one way or the other.

Mutt · 23/09/2009 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl · 23/09/2009 21:05

quick google £149 for UK paternity testing, once you've established paternity you could offer to come to a private financial agreement that would be less than the CSA amount. If she's managed all that time without she may not acutally want anything.

Original poster
Overtiredmum · 23/09/2009 21:11

We/he hasn't as yet responded to her original email, its all been abit of a shock to be honest. There has been no contact in 10 years, just this message via Facebook which simply said: hi, would like to meet you, let me know.

Any that was the whole content of the message.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overtiredmum · 23/09/2009 21:15

Thanks CarGirl. Thats what I just said to DH. If it was about money then surely all she ever had to do was pass his name on to the relevant people and they would have caught up with him. Its not like my DH has been in hidding, she knows where his family lives and where my DH works, so all very easy. I think DH would want a DNA test to be honest, and I would prefer to have a private agreement with her. I know this sounds incredibly selfish though, everyone has a history, but how do I tell my four year old son that there is another little boy calling his daddy dad?

OP posts:
Mutt · 23/09/2009 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarGirl · 23/09/2009 21:24

I think my response to that FB would be "are you saying x is my son?" and then take it from there. Try and keep it all very civilised for everyones sake.

Mutt · 23/09/2009 21:27

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shelleylou · 23/09/2009 21:46

I cant remember the percentage of the top of my head but so much of your DH's income is disregarded as you have 2 dc at home to support. Of the remainder the CSA would deduct another percentage. If you want i can find out one of the many CSA booklets i have.

Original poster
Overtiredmum · 23/09/2009 21:47

Hi Mutt, yes, thats all we have heard. But why would he want to meet DH if he wasn't the dad when there has been no contact between them for 10 years.

My mind is racing and all I can do is be here to support DH. I feel he must handle this in any way he feels he must. I do jump the gun, am an absolute pessimist, always thinking the worst thing. Will just have t wait and see how this progresses.

Thanks ladies have you have my mind at rest in some respects and it has helped to hear your views and be able to tell you my concerns.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overtiredmum · 23/09/2009 21:52

Thanks Shelley. My main concern is that they would take my income into account as I am the main earner, although we don't have much because we have so much debt. We don't actually have much disposable income. The CSA calculator worked out about £40 a week based on DH income, which we could probably just about afford, although wouldn't leave us with much more.

Of course, I could be worrying about nothing and this not be about money at all.

OP posts:
Mutt · 23/09/2009 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shelleylou · 23/09/2009 22:38

Ill get the booklet and double check but im pretty sure its just your DH's income they take into account.

shelleylou · 23/09/2009 22:44

The calculation is done on the NRP's income. The booklet doesnt specify about a partners income

Original poster
Overtiredmum · 24/09/2009 09:52

Thanks Shelly and all you ladies for replying and listening to me waffling. My heart goes out to the boy because none of this is his fault. I am not sure whether ex motivation is financial, but I find it hard to believe when there are easier avenues to go down if it were purely about money. I guess I am going to have to play the waiting game and see how my DH wants to proceed.

Thank you so much ladies - this is why I love Mumsnet!

OP posts:
NotActuallyAMum · 24/09/2009 13:50

Purely on the financial side, just to put your mind at rest further, if the CSA do become involved I can assure you that your income won't come into it

Have a look at this calculator on their website, you can put your own figures in and it will tell you pretty much exactly what payment would be if it happens

secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp

shelleylou · 25/09/2009 10:07

My view on the financial motivation with my dealings with the CSA. Your DH's ex might think that its going to be easier to guilt trip your DH into a financial agreement than going through the CSA. Even though she knows where your DH works. Id given the CSA my ex's NI number, home address, work address, his mums as he was there a lot and his mobile number. It still took them months to get anywhere

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