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Original poster

Bother - we are in deep trouble

40 replies

Ohbotherohbother · 21/09/2009 15:10

Have name changed as my SIL uses Mumsnet and I would rather she didn't know about this.

We have big debts and are baqsically unable to pay them. I am supposedly intelligent and educated etc (am an accountant ffs) but we have got ourselves into this mess.

Not looking for sympathy as I know it is our own fault. Just feeling worried and stressed about it. Did go to see CAB once and then didn't as we unexpectly got some money in which kept us OK for a while but the OK has ended.

I know we need to see CAB again but can't make an appt as they are shut. Will obviuolsy make one tomorrow.

My biggest worry is that we will get repossessed and need to live somewhere else and I love DS's school. DD should be starting there after Christmas. Feel I and to a lesser extent DH (as I supposedly manage the money) will be letting them down.

Anyway need to go and get DS from school now.

Just wondering if anyone else has come out the other side of this sort of thing.

Thanks.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 21/09/2009 15:35

Sounds as if you have been in deep denial about the state of your finances for quite a while - especially if your unexpected windfall is gone, and you are now in exactly the same situation.

You need a plan for sorting finances out in an organised and orderly fashion so that things don't go completely out of control.

Of course, you will come out the other side of things, but in order for things to work out in the best way possible (given the realities you face), you need to get your head out of the sand and come up with a strategy.

There are lots of people here who will happily offer advice and suggestions, if you'd like them. Just let us know.

Original poster
Ohbotherohbother · 21/09/2009 15:50

Thank you - yes DH and I have both been in denial.

If anyone does have advice or suggestions they would be gratefully received.

I think we may need to talk to our parents about things - not to ask for money but just so we don't have the feeling of dreading they will find out IYKWIM.

Am a bit disjointed at the moment.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 21/09/2009 16:28

Start with the basics.

What are your essential monthly outgoings?

Mortgage/Rent
Council Tax
Utilities
Food (basic groceries, not dining out/takeaways/wine/beer)
Transportation (do you have a car payment, or more than one? Or do you use public transport?)

Will your monthly income cover those costs?

What, do you think, is the root cause of your debt?

justaboutautumn · 21/09/2009 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Ohbotherohbother · 21/09/2009 16:53

Sadly not private school (if it were they would be out of there v quickly )

DD doesn't yet have the place as she will be 5 next September. Application process doesn't start until October and applications have to be in by January. Don't find out until beginni8ng of May. She should be starting in a mixed nursery/reception class after Christmas.

I'm not ignoring your post EarlyBird - they are things I am goign to work out.

Not sure about cause of debt - I think it is having wanted things now and got credit for them without thinking about how to pay it back.

DH has sent me a nice email saying that we will be in together and he still loves me (not obviuolsy going to help the situation but better than us ranting and raving at each other).

OP posts:
lou031205 · 21/09/2009 17:07

OK - first thing - you have my sympathy. Doesn't matter how you got here, it is a shock when you do.

I would highly recommend the Budget Planner from moneysaving expert. It is bite-sized, and will help you work out what kind of mess you are actually in

WRT debts, you need to work out what is what, and whether you can feasibly pay some or all of it. Repossession is a long way off just yet, if you haven't missed mortgage payments. So breathe.

You can do this. It might mean radical changes to your lifestyle for a while, but all is not lost.

We were in a similar state in 2006. Except we had no assets. We ended up filing BR in Jan 2007. Best solution for us, and 2.5 years on I can say that it was a great decision. We are debt free and have a totally different way of thinking. The thought of borrowing money is frightening, and we don't even consider it.

moondog · 21/09/2009 17:08

HOW MUCH DO YOU OWE?

lou031205 · 21/09/2009 17:12

The other thing to say is that you have options. Your creditors want their money, so they will have to work with you in the end or risk not getting it. Credit shuffling & snowballing, debt management plans, IVAs are all options. If you want professional advice, go to CAB, National Debt line or CCCS. DO NOT go to companies such as Payplan, etc., because they are profit making, and they take a slice of whatever you pay before they pass it on.

Itsjustafleshwound · 21/09/2009 17:14

Have you done a money diary - seeing where the money is going every month?? I was shocked at how much my DH and I seem to let slip on incidentals and 'spur of the moment' things ...

Withdraw your budgeted cash for the week and hide your cash cards until you next need to withdraw the allowance ...

Small things make a difference - don't discount small savings - they add up up and can contribute to the whole ...

Good luck - I hope you get yourself back on track

Original poster
Ohbotherohbother · 21/09/2009 17:27

Is that true about Payplan? When I did see the CAB they recommended them as a company who gave free advice.

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 21/09/2009 17:38

I agree about the moneysavingexpert site, lots and lots of info on there for people struggling with debt and how to manage it.

Can you transfer any existing debts that are costing you interest onto an ibterest free card, and work out how much to pay each month before the 0% balance transfer ends.

Also agree about making a list of essentials, and getting rid of things like:

Sky TV
Meals out/takeaway (meal plan using things like Jamies feed your family for a fiver etc)
Expensive cars that can be sold at not to much of a loss and buy a smaller/cheaper car
Subscriptions to gym/clubs/magazines etc

lou031205 · 21/09/2009 17:40

Yes, they give free advice, but their advice will most likely be to do either a DMP or an IVA with them managing it. They will set you up with e.g. £200 pcm payment, of which £20 will go to them, then the rest split between your creditors. Only an example, not true figures. They are not bad, but they can't give you truly impartial advice, because you are their bread and butter.

thesockmonsterofdoom · 21/09/2009 17:46

Try consumer credit counscelling service, National Debtline and/or payplan, your priorites are anthing that could lose your house or wind you up in prison. any babnks that you have loans you can't pay with, call them, this is what I do for a job so I know, the bank would prefer you to call them and will more than likely to be able to help you out. Work out all your income and expenditure details bfore you call anywhere as they will need that information to help you.

somewhathorrified · 21/09/2009 17:51

Every bit of advice that can be given is dependent on what stage you are at...are the wolves at the door? or are you now aware that probs are imminent? In other words do you have time? If so, then budget, negotiate, sell stuff, increase income (lodger?) etc, etc....if you are out of time look at the realities, do you have assests that you can liquidate, is bankruptcy the only option? The thing to remember is that you and your family will survive this, it may not be pretty but you are lucky that you live in a society that will not see you starve.

cluckyagain · 21/09/2009 18:00

Gosh - sorry to hear that. I wanted to just add my note of support though. I have never been in serious debt, but 6 yrs ago when we were expecting our 2nd child my dh and I sat down and went through our finances. I had savings from when I was working (2 yrs previously) and every month we were dipping into them. We sat down and wrote a list of

absolutely have to pay for items

really, really dont want to give up items and

OK - so we really could do without them items.

We worked out how much we spent on these over a yr and then divided each amount by 12 to see how much we needed to save per month to pay for them. We then added them up and calculated if the monthly salary covered them.....I fully expected it to. It DIDN'T - in fact it stopped about a 1/3 through the second category!! Since this time I have saved the necessary amount every month when pay comes in and have scrimped and saved to within an inch of it;s life in order to have a summer holiday etc. In essence, keeping a very close eye on it makes you realise how mych you spend on everything and how much you waste on rubbish! Good luck - I've never looked back and feel seriously in control....a lovely feeling

expatinscotland · 21/09/2009 18:03

Good luck!

Original poster
Ohbotherohbother · 22/09/2009 11:37

Have phoned the CCCS who went through various details. We haven't yet defaulted on any payments which I suppose is better than having done so.

I will have a telephone interview with them on 8th October and they have said to set up a basic bank account to have the money going into and the essentials coming out and to stop paying the credit card and loan debts.

Did start crying a bit on the phone to nice sounding person . I do at least feel that the whole world isn't about to end but do feel pretty crap about it as well.

Thank you for all the messages on here

OP posts:
StrikeUpTheBand · 22/09/2009 11:46

We ended up going with Payplan in the end - we've been struggling for years and basically servicing debt but when we were completely unable to go any further we went to them. The whole thing took a few months to set up, but we haven't lost the house (still paying mortgage as normal). We did a joint IVA and I am paying £115/month which is a lot less than before. After 5 years your debt is completely written off - so at least there's an end to it now. Of course it will affect your credit rating but no doubt it will be affected worse if you don't do anything about the debt so if you need an IVA it is probably better to get one.

As it is we're going to have to renegotiate in a few months as we have a baby due in December, but they knew about this before we negotiated so no problem.

Hope it helps. And once you start doing something about it it really does feel much better.

clumsymum · 22/09/2009 11:57

Dear Ohbother, do take heart, you are not alone in this, I know your situation well, I'm working on ouirs at the moment, Knowing that we want to put ds into independent school within 2 years, totally impossible unless we swim our way out of the mire we are currently in !!

moneysavingexpert.com has already been mentioned to you as a source of info, and I certainly second that. You might like to read this thread on there, which was started by someone in much deeper trouble than you, I suspect, in March this year.

She's digging her way out, and has had lots of helpful advice and support from others along the way. Grab a coffee & biscuit and have a read, it might help you to feel better.

Good luck.

lou031205 · 22/09/2009 15:43

The Co-operative Bank do a great basic bank account - still does DDs/SOs, and debit card, but no cheques.

blushingm · 22/09/2009 21:51

payplan don't take a cut - they are actually financed by the financial industry

they can be reallt helpful too - they were with us anyway

whomovedmychocolate · 22/09/2009 21:56

It really depends on how much you owe as I think Moonie was trying to get across

IVA may be an option, or bankruptcy, but without figures it's hard to say.

What has been the initial cause of the debts, is it just living beyond your means or a specific issue?

Lilyloo · 22/09/2009 21:57

Do you not have to be careful with your job about going down the bankrupt / IVA route ?

whomovedmychocolate · 22/09/2009 22:34

You can't be fired for going bankrupt unless you are a company director or actually have it written into your contract I think. It's a private civil matter.

onadietcokebreak · 22/09/2009 23:33

So glad you have called CCCS. They will really help you out in the best possible way. DMP/IVA/bankruptcy whatever they recommend then you will have the honest and best solution.

The main thing is that you are sorting it out.

Have a look at the moneysavingexpert forums...most people are so helpful,

Also keep a money diary and do the MSE budget.