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Divorce help-Do I have to sell my house??

18 replies

whatdoyouallthink · 30/05/2009 10:42

Ok currently in the process of divorcing my h, not long into it just getting the petition drawn up. When I had my 1st appointment with my solicitor she advised that by the time it was all finished the marital home would have to be sold as we have to be realistic and as he would have to re home himself that was the best way to do it fairly.

Other people have since said that he actually has to keep a roof over the 3 dc heads till youngest is 18. The way the housing market is at the moment we will have hardly any equity in the house after all joint debt is paid off.

He is currently paying his monthly salary into the bank and paying all the bills. I am a sahm with youngest dc 6 months old. I just cant afford to take on any of the bills. I am not receiving any maintenace for the children and am getting by on the tax credit I get. H hinted yesterday that he cant afford to pay the bills anymore and that we will need to talk about where to go from here.

So do I have to sell my house as my solicitors advice? I would really like to know where I stand on this before I go back and see her again.

OP posts:
QS · 30/05/2009 10:51

I am not a lawyer, so this is just my unprofessional opinion.

If you have no equity in the joint home, it might be hard to sell it and buy two new homes. But he needs a home as much as you do, also because the children will need somewhere to stay when visiting him.

Understandably he wont be able to pay all your living costs and his own. Have you looked into what benefits are available to you as a single mum of three?

Have you thought about looking for a job? It could be regarded a bit of a luxury in the current climate for any woman to be a sahm, whether she is married or divorced.

I appreciate you are in a tough situation, and hope you will get some good replies. Just posting so as not to let this go unanswered, and to bump really.

mumoverseas · 30/05/2009 12:41

sorry about the breakdown of your marriage, must be very difficult for you, particularly with a young baby.

Please be aware that no matter what good intentions friends may have in giving you 'legal' advice, you must bear in mind that every financial divorce case is different and you simply cannot compare them. It would be virtually impossible for anyone on here, or in RL to give you accurate advice on the financial aspects of your divorce without having full information regarding a number of things, ie the full matrimonial assets, ages and sex of children etc and you can't possibly provide that on here.

Ideally, you and your DC would remain in the former matrimonial home (FMH). However, we do not live in an ideal world. As QS has said, your DH will still need to be re-housed and it is very rare that there is enough money in the 'matrimonial pot' to provide the same standard of living for you both that you previously enjoyed.

If you are unable to reach an agreement between you regarding the finances (including the FMH) then the matter will have to go to Court to be decided by a Judge.
The Courts paramount concern will be the welfare of the children, and that they have a roof over their heads. If it is possible that you could stay in the FMH, ie you could get a job and contribute towards the outgoings, and your DH could be re-housed elsewhere then great. Potentially therefore you could remain in the FMH and an agreement could be reached (or ordered by the Court) that it be sold at a certain point in the future and at that time your DH would receive his share of the equity. The usual trigger events are your re-marriage, (some Courts will also say co-habitation for 6 months but some won't) your death, voluntary sale the property or the youngest child reaching 16/17/18/ceasing full time education (whichever is agreed/ordered depending on circumstances)

Depending on a number of other factors (ie your DH's pension value and other assets) it may not necessarily be a 50/50 split of the equity.

If there is simply not enough money to keep you and DC in the FMH and re-house DH then there may be no option but to sell the FMH and purchase a smaller and therefore cheaper property for you and the children which would potentially free up a lump sum for your DH to use as a deposit and/or reduce the mortgage payments and therefore the amount he would be paying each month so he could afford to buy or rent a smaller/cheaper property for himself.

What needs to be taken into account is the ages/sex of your children. For example, with 3 children now, if you are in say a 4 bed house and the kids have their own rooms, potentially if you had two boys and a girl or vice versa they could share a room and then potentially you could 'downgrade' to a 3 bedroom house. This is the way your DH's solicitor/Courts would look at it.

However, as I've said above, without someone knowing all the full information which you couldn't possibly put on here, it would be impossible to advise.

All I can recommend is you checking that your solicitor is a specialist family one and ideally, a member of 'resolution' which encourages parties to resolve matters as amicably as possibe which is so important when children are involved.

I would add, that I would have hoped that your solicitor would not have that the house MUST be sold if he/she thought that there was a chance you may be able to keep it.

Good luck

Leslaki · 30/05/2009 15:22

Good luck. I was told at first I would ahve to sell the house but am now in the process of buying him out! having to add on to the mortgage and it's gonna be very tight (had to get my dad to go on mortgage as a guarantor to get it though). As others have said, could you look at getting a job? I wouldn't be able to do this if I didn't work. You need to work a minimum of 16 hours a week to get all the tax credits and you'll also qualify for help with childcare. If you are determined to keep the house and if there is any way of doing it, fight for it.

Good luck!

HappyMummyOfOne · 30/05/2009 17:42

Your solicitor is right, you both need a home and selling the main one is usually suggested. If you can afford to buy him out then thats an option, if not then a judge will force him to pay for two homes.

You need to resolve the bill situation asap, whilst he should support his children via maintenance expecting him to cover all bills for the house and mortgage isnt fair.

Like others have suggested, you may have to look for work if you cant live on the CSA guide to maintenance - you would probably get WTC and help with childcare costs dependent upon salary.

whatdoyouallthink · 31/05/2009 09:32

Yes I understand that he cant keep paying all the bills and I am looking to get back to work. Jobs being very low on the ground for someone who has been out of work for the past 9 years but it is something I want to do and I am now looking around.

H is currently living with his parents and has no outgoings (other then splashing out on his ow!), he doesnt intend to get his own place but do understand he cant keep us forever. Although currently with no income there is no way I can pay everything. I am looking to reduce household outgoings and start paying them myself. The biggest thing really is the mortgage just cant take it on.

The house is 3 bed and we do have 2 boys and a girl and the boys already share.

Thank you all for your advice!!

OP posts:
violethill · 31/05/2009 11:02

The reality is that if you've lived under one roof as a family, and now intend to live under two roofs, it's going to cost more!! Either you have to earn more to be able to keep the standard of living you're used to, or you need to both make do with less. (which your DH clearly is, if he's moved in with his parents!)

Simple arithmetic really.

mumoverseas · 31/05/2009 15:00

On the basis of you having only a 3 bed house with 2 boys and a girl, technically you are not 'overhoused' so that strenghtens your case for staying in the FMH. Unless the house is in a very expensive area and you could purchase a much cheaper 3 bed one, taking into account the costs of sale and purchasing another house, ie stamp duty, solicitors, estate agents etc, you may not really achieve much by moving. Also, you need to consider the DC's schooling in relation to catchment areas etc.

Even though your DH says he doesn't intend to get his own place at the moment, he should if possible at least be able to do so although its probably convenient for him being with his parents, ie washing, ironing cooking etc.

Is it an option for your parents or other relatives to assist you in buying out his interest in the FMH? Or alternatively, perhaps you could lengthen the term of the mortgage or remortgage to reduce the monthly payments.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 31/05/2009 15:22

If you work at least 16 hours, then working tax credits kick in, which makes a tremendous difference. Go to entitledto.co.uk and work out various scenarios.

You could also try mediation which can work if both parties want to reach an amicable solution.

babybarrister · 31/05/2009 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 31/05/2009 21:10

Repossessing with 3 children under the age of 18? How often does this happen?

mumoverseas · 01/06/2009 06:09

good point babyb, hadn't thought of that.
sadly ilovemydog, the banks don't give a stuff about things like children being homeless.

whatdoyouallthink, please try not to get too worried about this possibility. I would imagine that your DH would not want to be credit blacklisted and if the house were repossessed then he would have difficulties in purchasing, or even renting another property so hopefully he will be sensible and keep paying until matters are resolved.

whatdoyouallthink · 01/06/2009 08:12

Thank you all for your advice. Maybe my op didnt come accross the right way, was typing with wriggly 6 month old on lap! But its not that I dont want to work or that I expect him to pay all my bills forever. I am speaking to utility companies about reducing monthly DDs so that I can take them on myself and I have started looking around for work.

I dont think he has less really as he has the life he always wanted. Someone to do all his washing, cleaning, cooking etc, freedom to do what he wants and no one to answer too!

I think the house would be valued at around what we paid for it and although we had a large deposit we also now have a fair bit of debt that would need to be cleared. As you say by the time all the other things are paid off there wouldnt be enough left. Its something I will have to consider though and something I have been.

Just got confused with people saying he has to keep a roof over the kids head until they are 18 aswell as money for kids and me? I thought it was probally the case that it varied on individual circumstance and not just standard practice.

I dont think he would just stop paying the mortgage for the reasons you say, but I do have direct debits bouncing every month where enough money is not in the bank. Thankfully the mortgage has not been one of them.

OP posts:
ilovemydogandmrobama · 01/06/2009 08:32

Without wishing to offend the legal people here, have you considered mediation? The advantage of mediation is that you can discuss various options with your (ex) DH rather than a court ordering how the assets will be divided, or how you will both have suitable accommodation. If mediation fails, there is always the option of going to court. Mediation can be done concurrently with whatever else your solicitor is doing, and of course you don't have to agree to anything in mediation before running it past your solicitor.

of course if there's only one solution, which is to sell the house, then perhaps mediation would come to the same conclusions your solicitor has reached, but if there are issues that can be resolved amicably, then perhaps it''s worth a shot?

I think a lot of high profile divorce cases have given people a false impression. Fact is, a court cannot make an order for something that isn't there.

mumoverseas · 01/06/2009 09:37

totally agree with ilovemydog (and as a 'legal person' not at all offended In fact, I also qualified as a family mediator and it can be really helpful but only if both parties are being realistic about everything.

Definitely worth a go OP if you think your H will attend.

ilovemydog, I HATE those high profile cases. Nothing worse than a client coming in saying 'but Heather Mills/footballers wife got.....'

babybarrister · 02/06/2009 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sandy65 · 22/04/2014 18:57

Hi my ex lives in our marital home and I live in rented
Which is what I wanted he pays mortgage maintenance
And has the children 1week 5days and another. 2 days I now
Want him to sell but he wants to stay in the marital home till boys
Have left school as he feels this will be security fir boys while they
Are at school can someone explain if he can do this x

sandy65 · 22/04/2014 19:07

Hi my ex lives in our marital home and I live in rented
Which is what I wanted he pays mortgage maintenance
And has the children 1week 5days and another. 2 days I now
Want him to sell but he wants to stay in the marital home till boys
Have left school as he feels this will be security fir boys while they
Are at school can someone explain if he can do this x

Rockchick1984 · 23/04/2014 10:12

Sandy you would get more replies if you start your own thread. It may be better posted in Legal Matters rather than Money Matters topic too :)

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