DIY Divorce.................

[FAQinglovely]

come and tell me about it.

After a few months of "seeing" each other again, (D)H and I have agreed that in reality we're never going to get any further than the "just friends" stage. Which is absolutely fine by both of us.

However, that means that we move forward onto the legal stuff of divorce.

So how do we go about it?

There's no assets to fight over.

Well there is the marital home, which is currently about 8 months in arrears, and worth less than the amount we (well he all in his name) paid for it, and teetering on the edge of repossession (only held off for now because he'll be getting the interest payment help from the end of May). We also discovered (when trying to sell it end of last year/early this year) that there's loads of stuff needs sorting on it (probably running close to 5 figures when alls said and done).

I'm now settled renting privately, and for the time being the house is a home for the DS's when he has them (what happens when he finds work/the help with interest payment help ends is another story........)

I don't want the house - or a share in what it's worth (which is precisely nothing in actual real monetary terms as it's in negative equity LOL).

The childcare arrangements are sorted fine as they are.

I'm not sure there's anything left to fight/argue over (we did that all last year when we first split up ).

There's no great rush to sort it (I need to pay Eon and the Tax Credits overpayment before I pay money on anything else).

So where do we go from here? Do we need to get solicitors etc involved - or is it possible to do it ourselves???

Google DIY divorce, it can be done yourselves without solicitors if you are both in agreement on the potential issues.

Sorry it didn't work out, it would have been a lovely end but it is great that you are both in agreement in how to move forward

You should be able to do most of it yourselves. I did most of mine (9 yrs ago), and it wasn't too bad. However I think you should draw up both a Financial Statement and a Statement for the children, as otherwise you won't have a clean break and these things could be revisited later by either party.

I drew up drafts for both myself, and then just took them to a solicitor to be checked that they were ok. The solicitor then sent the details to my ex (but my divorce wasn't particularly amicable) who agreed them.

I did have a book which covered all the necessary steps, think it was this one - www.amazon.co.uk/Which-Divorce-Consumer-Guides/dp/0852029454

There is good information and forms on the courts website - www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/infoabout/divorce/index.htm

Thanks KC - yes it's a shame it didn't work out on the "romance" side - but we're still friends so that can only be a positive that we can continue our lifes not dreading any event that the DS's are involved in where we both end up being there.

It would have been awful if we'd tried to keep on making a go of it and ended up having a huge fall out, and not able to even be friends afterwards.

As it was we had the "talk" about 12.30 this afternoon - I left at about 1.30 after he'd given DS3 some milk (he was "babysitting" while I played for a funeral at church earlier) and we had a fag and a coffee, and then took about 4 of his fags so I didn't have to roll anymore while I was out this afternoon - so very amicable indeed.

And he's said I can still pop in for coffee if I've got time to kill near the school gates, and I've said the same to him about when he goes to the gym (not far from me LOL).

Thanks for those links Cosette will have a proper look later when the DS's are in bed.

and on the plus side I have another 10-15yrs of dreaming of a 4th child (he didn't want 3 children - let alone 4, and I knew that if we got back together my dreams of another would have to be binned)

Ex-DH and I did ours ourselves - just ring up the courts and ask for the forms. There are 2 - one for the divorce, one for the children/custody arrangements. Both of them had to be filled out in triplicate (this was a few years ago).

Like you, we were in full agreement re custody etc and had no assets - it was a piece of piss and about £100 IIRC. Where the forms weren't straightforward, there was a helpful booklet telling you what to do.

And I have to say being friends with your ex is great. I'm remarried with 2 more DCs now and he'll be their guardian should the worse happen. He pops in and out all the time - eats with us at least once a week. As I type, Ex-DH and DH are on their way to the football together.

So good luck - it's a lovely feeling knowing you have a friend who understands you so completely.

Hassled - that's good to hear - it had crossed my mind about what it could be like in the future if either of us meets someone else and gets married/more DC etc how the "dynamics" of having an exH as a friend would work - so good to hear that it can work in reality and not just in the imagination .

It can work in reality FAQ, even in my toxic arraige the ex thing was not a problem, even staying at ours overnight if he had to travel to see the dc (he moved around a bit).

Message withdrawn

If you are in receipt of certain benefits you don't even have to pay the court fees!

Sorry it didn't work out for you FAQ but at least you tried at it. I'm on pretty good terms with my ex DH now (although we weren't for a while) and it really is the best thing for the DC.

If you are sure it is over, there is no reason why you can't act in person with regards to a divorce but you need to think about which grounds for divorce you are going to proceed on.
There are only two on which you can proceed immediately, either his adultery (if appropriate and if he will admit it) or his unreasonable behaviour. Failing that, you would need to wait until you had been separated for at least 2 years and he consented or if not, 5 years separation. (the other ground is desertion but no one uses that one really)

Once you have decided which ground to go on you need to obtain the forms from the local County Court (or online) The court staff are quite helpful and will give you guidance on completing but cannot give legal advice. You will need your marriage certificate to enable you to complete parts of the petition and this will need to be lodged at the Court with the petition (at least in duplicate or in triplicate if you want a sealed copy) and the Court will keep the marriage certificate.

You will also need to complete a 'statement of arrangements for children form' a document setting out lots of information with regards to the children, ie their full names, DOB, where they live, attend school, health etc and full details of the current contact arrangements.

The Court fee is around £300 on lodging the petition (on career break so a bit out of touch) and then a further fee due on applying for Decree Absolute which I think is around £30. As cargirl rightly says, if you are on benefits you should be fee exempt

Assuming there is no dispute with regards to where the children will reside (ie with you) and contact arrangments (ie how often they will see their father) then there is absolutely no need for the Court to get involved with regards to the children.

Hopefully all will go through smoothly with no problems.

Good luck

FAQ - I did a diy divorce. Bought a divorce kit from Tesco on line (less than £20 iirc). it had all the relevant forms in there and explained how you go about things etc. You need to prove to the courts that finances and children are all agreed and settled upon.

Court fees were about £250 - that was 5 years ago