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Original poster

My ex owes me £10k, how can I get it back?

22 replies

atterual · 24/04/2009 14:30

When we got together my ex had some credit card debts and he sold his flat when he moved in with me and there was a deficit, so to keep things straight, cos I dont like things all messy, I decided to re-mortgage (the mortgage is all in my name) and pay off these debts for him. We split up after only a year or so cos (as some will know from my other thread) he got into child porn. Anyway he has been giving me £100 a month since he left, if Im lucky. In fact Ive had nothing so far this month. At this rate its going to take him at least 9 years to pay me back. Of course Ive got nothing in writing to say Ive paid all these things and that he owes me the money, cos at the time I felt it was the right thing to do, we were starting a new relationship and I thought Id be spending the rest of my days with him. (Im 49 and hes 53). I dont think I can even take him to court over this beasue I have no proof. does anyone know what i can do to get my money back in a lump sum preferably??? Please help.

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Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 14:32

meant to say, I havnt divorced him yet, I was thinking it would lessen my chances of getting any money if I start divorce proceedings.

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Rhubarb · 24/04/2009 14:33

Personally I'd report him for the child porn, forget about my money and watch him rot in jail.

Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 14:36

Oh, sorry I should have said, he was done for the child porn, but unfortunately didnt go to jail. I hope you dont think the money is more important to me than what he had done, cos I can assure you it isnt. Ive been through hell with this situation and what he did over the last three years. im on my own now and struggling and just wanting some advice on how I can get my money back.

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cestlavie · 24/04/2009 14:40

I'd be inclined to speak to CAB or a debt advisory line to see if they've got any professional advice on what you can do.

I guess if he's paying money to you then (absent anything else) this is recognition in itself that he owes you money. Do you have any e-mail traffic in which he acknowledges the debt/ amount of money you paid off and/ or where he says that he'll try to repay you? If not, do you think you could get one out of him if you did it casually?

Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 14:45

Cestlavie - i think I do have an email where hs told me couldnt pay me it all cos he cannot get a loan. i must look for it. Will that make a difference?

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Rhubarb · 24/04/2009 14:53

I'm afraid there isn't much you can do. You didn't have a contract, he could say the money was a gift in actual fact. If you took him to court, they could order him to pay it back to you, but they can't force him to do this. It's not an official loan you see, it's a personal one. Unless you have anything in writing to say that you lent him this money, you will struggle to take it further.

You could see the CAB and hope that he doesn't know his law too well. A official looking letter might frighten him into paying some back. But I'm afraid all you're likely to get out of this scenario is a lesson learnt. Sorry.

Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 14:57

Some lesson!!!

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cestlavie · 24/04/2009 14:57

I'm not sure it would necessarily make a difference but clearly if he's written down that effectively he knows he owes you the money and that he should pay it back then that would certainly help your case (and make it less likely that it is treated as a gift).

Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 14:58

Ive found the emails from him saying that hes tried to get a loan to pay me back and that he wil pay me what he can each month.

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Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 14:59

aren't there any solicitors on here who have nothing to do for 5 mins who could help me out? lol

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jumpingbeans · 24/04/2009 15:04

Im afraid you might have to forget about the money, and thank god everyday you are rid of the wanker.

SOLOisMeredithGrey · 24/04/2009 15:08

My exh owes me that much too. I took out the original loan for him 10 years ago and in the end had to remortgage because he was so bad at repaying it. I know I'll never get it back and I don't really know how you will from your h. I try not to think about it as it winds me up terribly, but at least you, like me still have your home.

Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 15:09

Its so unfair. Im the one who has suffered the most through all of this, Im having to move cos i cant afford to keep the house im in going with only one salary. Im the one whose been through all the emotional turmoil and now im the one whose going tolose out financially...... I cant believe it.

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lal123 · 24/04/2009 15:14

I would have thought that him acknowledging the debt in the e-mail should be at least some evidence that it exists? Have you phoned CAB?

Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 15:23

No I havent phone CAB yet? Ive been hoping (stupidly its seems) that he was going to be able to borrow the money and pay me back without too much trouble, but looks like Im going to have to try to speak to someone.

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Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 15:23

sorry to hear that SOLO ! Men eh?

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SOLOisMeredithGrey · 24/04/2009 16:05

Yup! but that's a whole other thread atterual!

Original poster

atterual · 24/04/2009 16:24

tell me about it!!! I think Ive decided to stay single for a while, and not look for another man, the one I keep meeting are only after one thing and its beginning to piss me off!!

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SOLOisMeredithGrey · 25/04/2009 01:05

Rhubarb · 25/04/2009 10:41

Everyone is legally entitled to half an hour free legal advice. Go to a solicitor and claim your free half hour.

tinseltot · 25/04/2009 16:55

Hi there,

Just because there is no written contract it does not mean that a contract does not exist.

For a binding contract to come into existance there must be 1) an offer by 1 party 2) an accceptance by the other 3)a benefit to the parties 4) certainty of the terms of the contract and 5) an intention by both parties to create a binging legal contract. Oral contracts are perfectly possible but obviously you will need evidence that an oral contract was agreed between you. Your email will help in this regard. Was anyone else a witness to the agreement, a mutual friend or family member etc? That could also assist. Maybe you made it known to your mortgage lender why you wanted the money and referenced that he would be paying you back?

In your shoes i would see a solicitor who can advise you of the possibility of going to court to get a judgment against him if he defaults on his repayments. In fact if he is still reasonably amicable with you your solicitor may even pursuade him to allow a judgment to be entered against him so that a payment plan can be drawn up and approved by the court. This would place you in a stronger position than you are in now as you will have more options open to you if he defaults on the payment plan.

I hope this helps a bit.

Original poster

atterual · 25/04/2009 17:49

thanks tinseltot, thats given me alot to think about.

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