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need help and advice so i can be a better friend! please!

4 replies

BONKERZ · 03/04/2009 18:39

ok so long story, shorter version is this,

i have a very good friend who i have known for 5 years now, we get on wel etc etc etc, recently she has been a bit distant and not happy but i could not get out of her what was wrong, i have taken the softly softly approach, making more itme for her and letting her open up and not fircing, today she finally told me whats wrong.

she has a boyfriend who lives with her he is father to her 2nd child and they have been together on and off for 8 years. he has been unemplyed now for 7 months and is making no effort to find a job. She is a fulltime student doing a 2+2 course and is finishing her 2nd year now she also works 12 hours in evenings as a cleaner.

She is absolutely shattered. her bf isnt doing anything and she wants him to leave and has asked him but he gets violent and wont go but she is insistant she does not want to involve police etc.

financially she is earning about 500 pm wages plus she gets 500 per month student loan and gets £90 per week CTC and £33 a week CB and her bf gets £30 per week job seekers, she gets no council tax help or housing benefit and now has just £100 to last her till end of april. She is desparate.

I have said i will take her to citizens advice on monday because to me it souncd like she should be getting more help financially.........

How do i support this friend? she is scared she would not cope as a single parent but is getting nothing from this relationship but she feels she is stuck. I dont know how to help...or maybe its a case of i cant help her till she wants to help herself......

thanks if you have got this far and can offer any help!

OP posts:
racmac · 03/04/2009 18:50

CAB would be helpful - not sure if she would be entitled to anything else.

With bf - is the property in joint names? Is it rented or owned?
Consider telling him a date to get out by and if he hasnt gone change the locks

I think she may have no choice but to get Solicitor involved or police involved if he really wont go.

Aimsmum · 03/04/2009 18:55

Message withdrawn

Aimsmum · 03/04/2009 18:55

Message withdrawn

BONKERZ · 03/04/2009 18:56

currently out of her income (loan, ctc, wages) she has to pay full rent and CT plus bills etc.

The house is in her name only. its HA house.
she has been asking him to leave for months and he says he has nowhere to go then gets violent if she persues it. i have seen his anger and dont blame her for being scared. He also uses the kids against her saying he will take them if she kicks him out. she is terrified and doesnt want to involve police cos she is worried for her kids.
Whilst i understand her fears i am struggling to help her as i personally think she should get police and an injunction and get him out but she doesnt want that.
I have offered to have kids and be there to sort getting him out, i have offered to have them all here till police can get him out, what else can i do if she chooses not to get rid of him?

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