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Original poster

my ex-husband wants me to pay him half the child benefit, do you think this is fair

17 replies

princessdaisyboo · 21/03/2009 17:59

we both have 50/50 shared custody of our dd as fair as we can split it, she sleeps at each house 3 nights 1 week 4 nights the next and so on, she attends nursery 3 days a week from 9-3pm, on the days that she is with her dad he drops her back off with me in the morn and i take her and collect her from nursery and then he collects her on his way home, on her two days that she does not attend nursery she is with me all day, so if you totted up the hours then i do look after her more. He pays me no maintenance we just pay half each of her nursery fees, i get the child benefit paid into my bank and it was agreed that i would buy all her clothes and shoes which i do but everything disappears at his house and i never see it again he says the same happens when she comes to mine, its so petty but we have hit a bit of a stalemate and he is now asking me to pay him half of the child benfit to make things as even as possible but i just cant decide whether i should or shouldnt, he and his new partener work full time and live in our former matrimonial home, i agreed to a low lump sum payment from our divorce/seperation so that he did not have to move house and now he wants £40 a month from me it just seems wrong??
anyone else ever heard of this happening?
thanks
x

OP posts:

fryalot · 21/03/2009 18:02

No.

You agreed that you would buy her clothes etc. If he chooses to buy more then that's up to him, but you are responsible for providing for her, which you do out of the child benefit.

TheProvincialLady · 21/03/2009 18:02

Well if you are buying her main clothes and shoes then the money should remain yours.

CarGirl · 21/03/2009 18:05

You have her more hours and have the responsibility for buying clothes & shoes so it is yours to spend on her. Perhaps keep a record of what you spend on her clothes & shoes and "prove" that is what it is spent on.

edam · 21/03/2009 18:08

tell him to eff off, the greedy git.

violethill · 21/03/2009 18:31

Why not split it and get him to buy half of the clothes she needs?

mimimilk · 21/03/2009 20:23

Given that you are going two days childcare 'for free' as it were, and also lilkely to be incurring extra expenses on those days (if anything like me on my two days with DS- softplay, swiming, snacks out etc!) I think he has got a good 'deal'.

In theory if you are doing unpaid childcare then you could argue that he should be acknowledging this by maybe paying a higher proportion of the nursery fees or something like that. I assume you do not earn as much as your ex (obviously could be wrong here depends on what you do) but it seems wrong that you are having to pay half the nursery fees, possibly taking a pay cut yourself by working only part time (this may be a choice IYKWIM) but he gets to work full time and has the benefit of you doing the two days plus the half the nursery fees.

Maybe put that to him and see how he responds. if it comes to it, give him the £40 to be seen as reasonable 9I wouldn't min!) but insist thst you have a brief 'meeting ' each month to discuss who will be buying what, what DD needs etc. i bet that will be too much like hassle for him!

Original poster

princessdaisyboo · 21/03/2009 20:35

thanks all for confirming what i sort of already know!! he is so awkward all the time about everthing and this is just another thing he has thought up, i did work part time, with my parents helping me out with childcare after nursery but im currently on maternity leave so really cant afford to give him £40 a month.
im going to email him to try and fight my corner im sure he will have an answer for everything, i think he would rather dd go to nursery 5 days a week and pay more rather than give me the satisfaction of looking after her myself for those two days he is a pillock, hence why were not together anymore but it just goes on and on!!

OP posts:

SkintColditz · 21/03/2009 20:39

No.

No no no.

You have that money to buy her shoes and clothes. You DO buy her shoes and clothes. Him losing them is HIS problem and he should replace them

I suggest you send her to daddy's barefoot until he either finds or replaces her shoes.

mamas12 · 21/03/2009 23:05

Great idea skin, Do not give in he is being ridiculous and unreasonable, make one statement to the effect that no you are not going to pay him any money and then step away from the subject.

mumoverseas · 22/03/2009 06:54

I would normally give a well thought out response from legal point of view.
However, in this case, I think that edam has summed it up far better than I could have done

Original poster

princessdaisyboo · 22/03/2009 21:03

oh thank you so much i have nearly been giving into him he just keeps going on at me about it and i usually give in to everything he asks for just to keep the peace because i hate being on bad terms. I know he is going to be fuming but hes just going to have to get stuffed. Wish me luck xxx

OP posts:

mamas12 · 22/03/2009 21:44

stick to your guns and Good Luck!

Moolimoo · 30/03/2009 10:43

I'm so pleased someone else is having this problem!

My ex wants me to let him claim the child benefit and then he will give me half back (he says).

We both work full time, I am married and have two more children he is single and has no other children and we were never married to each other. (we were very young and silly, our daughter is 8 and I have always claimed the benefit since she was born)

If I let him claim I would then be able to claim the first child rate for my second child and with the £10 back from him per week I'd only be £3.20 per week worse off.

This does sound fair I suppose but my worry is that he then becomes more 'responsible' for her than me. Does that make sense. He took me to court to gain parental responsibility when she was 2, and we have 50/50 custody but this is not a court order its just an arrangement between us which he came up with in order to not have to give me any money when we split up.

If I let him claim will he have more rights to her than me. I have used the benefits letter to prove she lives with me in the past. I really dont know what to do and its not about the money. Please advise????

mamas12 · 30/03/2009 11:01

Do not do it. I seem to remember that you cannot change the benefit recipient but I'm sure someone else more knowledgable will come along and give you facts and figures, but I wanted to show the support of NO do not do as he asks.

kate1956 · 30/03/2009 11:15

Don't do it - whomever has the child benefit is deemed the 'parent with care' - and if you read some of the 'fathers rights' websites this is a particular tactic they use to become it!!

electra · 30/03/2009 11:21

No way should you have to pay him half, imo.

Moolimoo · 30/03/2009 17:41

Thank you guys, I think I will see if the Child Benefit advisers can help!

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