Care of DS in will

[potatoes]

DH and I have made an appointment to do our will.

Should all be straightforward but not sure about what happens if DH and I both died and left DS...

DS would be cared for by my sister. All our money would be put in trust for DS. SIL would be executor and as I understand it trustee, and have to agree to any expense necessary for DS.

My sister would need a regular income to cover DS's expenses, extra money occasionally for holidays etc and probably an extension on her house so DS could have his own room.

I can see DH's family may be resentful of this and may think my sister was somehow profiting from the situation, and put pressure on SIL not to agree to some expenses.

Just wondered if anyone else has been in similar situation and what they have said in their will?

Obviously I hope against hope that this will never matter but if DS was left without his parents I would want everyone to be looking after him rather than bickering over money.

Thanks

My DH specialises int his area of law. The solicitor will be able to talk everything through with you and explain how thiungs work.

Money can be left in trust for your child with your sister having access to money for his upkeep, etc. For the trust you will need to have trustees who have control over the money - this is at least two different people. You could choose one person from both sides of the family for example, or perhaps have the colicitor as one trustee so that everythign like that has to also involve a professional, etc. Again - talk to the solicitor; he/she will be able to guide you.

Also bear in mind that guardianship in wills is not legally binding. It can be challeneged. If it went to a court your wishes would be taken in to account but not guaranteed.

DP and I have had wills for a few years and update them from time to time. One thing that is important (which we have only half done) is to talk to family about it so that in the unlikely event of your passing, they are all clear that these are your wishes. Hopefully that will go some way to making sure people don't fight.

As hulababy said, the trustees have to sign off the expenses/requests and so it should be completely transparent to all other family members that she would be only spending what you would have been spending and doing the things you would have been doing. Trustees may include family but also an independent person (say the bank).

You could always add into your will a line or two expressing your hope for peace......(there is always a section where you can put any special wishes/messages).

It's worth working through all the possible eventualities and considering 'what would happen if..?' The process of doing, and recording this, gives your family a framework for making decisions in the event of your deaths. Sometimes the options you set out in your will may not be the best for your child at the time the will is executed. Your sister may have just had triplets, she may be paralysed in the same car crash that killed you, your SIL may have left the country etc.

We made, on the advice of our solicitor, several contingency plans. If we both die, DD will live with her paternal grandparents. If they are unable to look after her the one of my brothers and one of my sisters have been appointed joint guardians.

DD has a trust fund, set up by her grandparents when she was a baby. It's not a lot of money, but enough to pay university fees. Our money would be added to the trust fund.

The executor of the will is our solicitor, who also happens to be DD's godfather. We trust him to be objective and also have DD's best interests at heart.

The issue for us is, that apart from her paternal grandparents, all her family lives abroad. Should she be orphaned in her teens, we discussed with my brother and sister the possibility of her deciding to stay in the UK and live with her godfather while completing her studies.

Thanks everyone for your replies. Poor solicitor, I'd better warn her it will be a long meeting!!

Hulababy, do families often challenge guardianship in wills? Can't imagine it going this far, but my sis is a single mum whereas SIL is married, would this make a difference if it was challenged?

I don't know sorry; DH not home to sk at the moment.

But I doubt it. If you have discussed it with everyone in advance and there is no real reason why the guardians are unsuitable the courts will generally listen. The children's best interests are always paramount.

We made sure that we discussed our wishes with all the main members of both our families so that they could ask questions, raise concerns etc.

I think this was a really important thing to do, rather than keeping everything under wraps and then presenting a fait accompli in the event of the death of dh and I.

Many thanks for your help. Not surprised so many people put off making a will there's so much to think about!

Just about to do the same.

Singingbear is there any reason why the guardian shouldn't be sole trustee?

We are planning to appoint my sister as guardian and tbh hadn't really thought about money much, beyond thinking my sister would have it all to look after DC.