If I die, will dd1 (from previous relationship) stay with my dh and dd2?

[jellybelly25]

I had thought that this would be obvious - she is 9. Her biological father IS on the birth certificate but because she was born before Dec 2003 and the rules changed then, he DOES NOT have parental responsibility. He has had no contact with her since she was 16mo (2001).

Dh and I have been together since 2003 and are married. He is my dd1's father, she has called him Dad for a long time. We also have a nearly 2yo.

I had assumed that it would be a total nonsense that if I got run over by a bus or something she would be removed from his care but someone put the wind up me the other day and told me he needed to legally adopt her otherwise if I die, her biological father could feasibly try to get custody of her.

Can I just write this in a will? Does he really have to adopt her?

Dunno - but worth checking with a lawyer or an organisation like Gingerbread, I would have thought. He's legally her stepfather so I suppose bio father could cause trouble if you weren't around.

Ok thanks Edam (I wish I had known that organisation existed a few years ago!) it looks like I need to appoint a Guardian then, and make it dh. Can I just write a will myself or do I have to do it with a Solicitor (nil funds available for anything much at the moment!)

Is adoption out of the question?

I'm in the same position almost idential JB so will watch this with interest.

I think if they want to adopt then permission has to be sought from the biological dad.

Unless your dh adopted her even appointing him as guardian wouldn't necessarily mean that your ex couldn't apply for custody if something were to happen to you. Although at nine I do think her views might be likely to be taken into account by a court.

However in order for your dh to adopt her your ex would have to sign away his parental rights, so you would need to contact him.

but the OP's ex doesn't have parental responsibility - so would he still need to give his permission?

You should definitely get legal advice and make sure things are sorted - a colleague went through a lot of grief when widowed and suddenly having to go through courts to get custody of a non-biological child he'd always been "Dad" to.

This happened to my DB, his girlfreind died leaving him to care for her daughter 4yrs, she had known my BD since she was 18mths and called him daddy.

There was no formal arrangement in place regarding my DB and his DSD. He was advised against applying to adopt as this would alert the father (violent drunk who tryed to smash up the house regularly bfore they moved). This would have given him opportunity to object, he suspected the biological father would not care enough to acutally do anything, but thought his mum might try to get involved. DB's GF's mum was happy to let my DB continue to care for his DSD and she was to elderly to do it.

So.. DB was advised to apply for legal guardianship, and he was granted this. She has now grow up and left home but legal guarianship seemed to be enough and he was able to apply for passports for her and claim child benifit etc.

There was no will so nothing to say what his GF's wishes were.

Sorry I don't have any legal background so shouldn't have really commented. jellybelly25 the best thing you can do is contact a lawyer.

Adoption isn't out of the question but it seems a bit odd when we are already married and he is her stepfather - also I looked at the adoption pages and they said that just applying for adoption so that a child 'belongs' to the same family is not, on its own, a good enough reason. Maybe to ensure custody in the event of my death would be though! I am worried about contacting laywers cos I've never done it before and am the sort of person who always gets stung with costs that I am not aware of! Might get dh to do it he's more astute than me.

Oh b*gger dd2 has just woken up and i got nothing done whiel she was napping. Now banging keys and asking for teletubbies. Thanks for thoughts so far!

P.S. I am pretty sure that as he doesn't have parental responsibility we dont' need his permission for anything... I am more worried about the situation that AMumInScotland described