Need a legal bod...scary dilemma

[ShouldIHelp]

I can't quite believe Im writing this since it makes it all real. Yesterday a close relative had some very bad health news. I visited her in hospital today and she has asked me to research assisted suicide for her. And later she said to me 'Will you help me?' Im hoping this is just a shock reaction to her news, a kind of back up plan she just needs to have at the moment. However she is a strong and determined woman so I can well see she may want to take that path. And if she really wanted to and was clearly suffering then yes I guess I would help her honour her wishes, as much as the thought feels me with dread. But I am aware that I am a beneficiary in her will and that assisted suicide is illegal here and whilst I really don't want to make this about me I am a bit concerned about my position if it does come to that. I have 2 small children...I dont want a prison term.
Thought Id try asking here before I start googling the subject since I dont really know who/where else to ask...

oooh what an awful postion to be in.

I doubt you can help her as you are a beneficiary and it is illegal in this country so I doubt there is much you can do.

Am very sorry for you and her.

I think you need to go to Dignitas (the swiss clinic) as far as I know although police have questioned the realtives of those who have gone there no one has been prosecuted and I am fairly sure that the laws are in line to be changed so that it is not illegal. What an awful situation to be in and think long and hard about your decision.

It's illegal to aid or abet (was never sure what the difference was!) a suicide. So, in the recent case of the young rugby player, technically his parents could have been charged if they did things such as book flights to Switzerland, and/or assisted him to get there.

But, what the DPP said was that it wasn't in the public interest to prosecute.

This doesn't give a green light to assist a suicide.

If she is really suffering, then perhaps you could discuss pallative care? There is so much that can be done so that someone is not in pain during their final days.

yes she has mentioned Dignitas...I have said she must wait and see what options she has but she is utterly determined to know all she can about this as a possible option, and I suspect would be just as determined if she chose to take that path. I think I will let it lie a few days, see what further news she is given(she has more detailed results pending) and see what she says then.

What a horrible position to be in.

I would urge you to think carefully about the implications for yourself. Getting somebody else to kill you (I am sorry but this is what it is) is not a "get out of jail card" when the going gets tough (sorry for being harsh)

• You may lose your inheritance
• Your children may grown up with the stigma that their mum is a killer
• You may be sent to prison, and this could break up your family:

-ie your partner might not be able to live with the fact that you put her wishes before your own family.

• YOU may not be able to live with your conscience and the repercussions after the event.

If I were you I would let her research this as far as she wants to, keep out of it for now (I would not even mention it, she will bring it up herself if she is determined) I would list the possible negative implications for YOU to her, and then ask her if she still feels that you should do it.

It looks like she has months to live. It all feels like a surreal soap opera and Im not sure I really believe this is happening. Its one thing discussing it here, objectively, but god help me if she goes ahead with this. I don't think I can help her. I have my children to consider. I've gone to the Dignitas site and its a 5 day process to ensure that its voluntary and to set everything up. Am I being selfish to hope that 2 boys under 3 knocks me out as a potential suicide buddy? I can't spend 5 days away. Can I? And if I provide her with all the info, am I liable for prosecution just for that...? Its quite unnerving all of this. But I have printed stuff off for her tonight. Im hoping it might jolt her back to reality. But then who knows what kind of reality you have when you have a terminal illness.

I think it would be entirely reasonable of you to refuse. She may want to commit suicide, but that doesn't mean you want to help. I think your concerns about your family are very rational - even if you're not prosecuted, you'd be under investigation for quite some time, which is VERY stressful. Don't feel guilty about saying 'I'm sorry, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that for you'.

I don't think you could get into any legal trouble for printing out material on Dignitas from the internet. Information about Dignitas is not hard to find.
But I think it would be perfectly reasonable of you not to want to be the one who travels there with her/books her flight or anything. Your concerns are valid - but at the same time, I think she has the right to commit suicide if she wants to as does everyone.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you can find a way through.

As solidgold says: She has the right to commit suicide if that is what she wants.

However, she can do this on her own.

I am wondering if this is a way for her to take control over her own mortality, in a way that in fact in the end DOES NOT lead to her death by her own hand, so to speak. There is no reason why she should not find a way of taking her own life without implicating you, without going through this long process. I really dont think anybody has the right to ask that of somebody else.

Mostly, IME, people who really wants to commit suicide just do it. (I know, because I have had a few friends who did it and it was not really something any of them spoke about prior)

Maybe what she needs is just a way to talk about this, and coming to terms with it. Maybe she feals she needs to DO something, and the fact that she now is facing the prospect of just a few more months to live, is pushing her towards just DOING something.

I mean, how do you prepare for your last few months of life? It must be totally overpowering.

Thanks for the replies everyone...interesting to see the range of opinion.

I think you are right about her motivation QS. I think it is about fearing the loss of control, and of dignity, that a terminal illness can bring. She is a strong and independent woman and she is trying to take back some of that control by considering this as an option I guess. Unbelievably, nearly a week on, she is STILL waiting to find out exactly how long she has left. The hospital are making her wait and wait for every crumb of information. That in itself is so disempowering for her. Horrible. We hope to hear today. And she reiterated this morning that depending on what they say, she may want to have the info I have got for her asap so clearly still determined to go there if she feels its necessary.

I've chilled out about it a bit, somehow. I think its actually unlikely on a practical level that I can actually help her very much (and would certainly cite my children and risk of prosecution to her.) I think it would rip the family apart tbh, because I know her husband would very much not want this. I dont want him going after me in some kind of crazed grief driven rage. So I have pretty much decided that my involvement will have to be minimal.

Tho what I would do if she begs me and is in pain...god knows. I feel quite cowardly by trying to minimise my involvement. I actually think she is being really brave, taking her illness on, head on, basically saying 'No. I shall decide myself when I die.' Im in awe of that.