If something happened to you, would your kids live with your partner?

[choosyfloosy]

(Sorry, obviously the thread title refers to those with partners)

Have been thinking about this. We have provision in the will for where ds will live if both of us are gone. But I am seriously concerned that dh would not actually be able to cope with ds full-time, due to his illness(es). I'm going to have to broach this with him at some point - just wondered if anyone else had faced this issue and what you decided?

think it depends on circumstances.,
we both have life insurance, so that if I died dp would be able to bung it in a savings account and use it to afford decent childcare for the children while he was at work.

do you have anything like this set up? there is help of course as well for lone parents, and esp those with disabilities/illnesses etc.
if his illnesses meant that he struggled to care for ds then I am sure he would be entitled to some kind of help?

We have set up so that mortgage is paid off, plus we have a policy that will pay out a certain amount per month - this would cover basic bills and would mean the surviving partner would not have to worry about working initially if necessary.

yes i suppose he would

dh has been turned down for life insurance - both by 'standard' firms and also by two separate firms of people recommended by a support group for his condition

i do have life insurance so that's something. i guess when i say 'full time' i meant evenings and weekends! dh has never done a full weekend with ds i think - he's done 36 hours plus but never more than that without additional help.

oh i don't know. maybe i'm overthinking this.

[looks both ways before crossing road]

Yes, because DS dad adores him and is a very good father. However, it would be tricky for them to adjust (DS dad's flat not that child friendly, and about 15 miles from where DS and I live so it might mean uprooting him from his friends/school etc).
But then I would be dead and not know about it.

what are his illnesses? I only ask because there may be people on here who could advise about help he might be entitled to if he was coping by himself

I no longer live with the father of my children, however if I were to die then they would definately live with him, and would have done before we split.

I just ased Dh he said yes.

But because we have a complicated family I suspect he would move back to where my aprents live so they and my sisters (he is estranged from his own Mum and Brother, dad nice but fairly sueless) could muck in. Dh ahs mental health issues and 2 of our 4 have autism, but it would be such a muck-in-together it would be OK. I suspect his own health would improve in that his work is very stressful and he'd need to give that up and claim as a carer in my place.

Yes my DC's would definately stay with my DP if anything happened to me. Just like the DC would stay with me if anything happened to DP. No question.

Thanks Clarissimo, it's a good point that he could claim as a carer, and after all ds has reached school age (five years and all of us still alive!!) so things could be a lot worse.

If he can claim as a carer he'd also be entitled to a carers assessment from Social Services, and a lot moe likely to get help than a dual - parent family (my suspicions are that a single dad might get more help but i think thats to do with being outsiode the norm, woldn't know though- only single dad of a child with SN I ever knew was a bit hermit like)

I dread if something ever happened to me. I spoke with exh about this very issue a couple of weeks back.
He said he wouldn't take them and 'would have them put into care'.

Nice

without a doubt - we have talked about the probability that his parents would move in (not something I am overjoyed about) and we have also talked about the level of contact I would want the boys to have with my family.
I think it is important to have these difficult conversations.

Annoyingly our lovely foster daughter would be re-placed.

Even though my dh would be the best person for her.

I like to think I'll be in charge of my children even when I'm dead.

PurpleOne

Make a will, for Gods sake.