19 yr old DSS driving with no insurance WWYD?

[dreamaway]

SORRY this is going to be long;

My 19 yr old DSS is driving with no insurance i just found out yesterday.
Apparantly DH Knew this and has tried talking to him but basically DSS doesn't give a S*.
DSS Lives with us and has been in DH's Custody since 2 years old, i have brought him up since 4 years old. I can't talk to DSS as he has the attitude of nobody can tell me what to do! (especailly not me as i am not his BM.she didn't want anything to do with DSS growing up) So our relationship is strained at times.

yestrday when DH tried telling him, how serious this was, DSS stood and laughed

DSS is not working at the moment so has no money to try and pay off his debts, he owes eight months on his car @£300 per month Which he took out without our knowledge(he was working at the time) Why they haven't come to take the car back by now i dont know

He owes nearly £2000 to bank in overdraft charges. His car tax is due in two weeks which won't get paid. He has outstanding phone bills to pay, but he just doesn't care. And will not speak to creditors to sort something out. I have to apologise to them because he is never here when they phone and won't answer mobile We cannot possibly afford to bail him out

He has no respect for us as a family and treats our house like a doss house. DH thought he was on drugs because of the pure lack of respect and couldn't care less attitude!! He's not BTW

He Is suppossed to pay us £40 PW board but DH has only been charging him £20

He recieved his benefit yesterday so went out shopping for clothes!!

I realise that alot of this is just teenage attitude but it's really starting to piss me off. But i am really annoyed about the insurance thing.

DSS often takes my two DS's aged 10 and 12 out and about in the car, knowing that he wasn't legal to be on the road but i will be putting a stop to that now.

We tried telling him that if he gets caught then he will get his licence revoked,plus a fine, and the seriousness of it should somebody get hurt in an accident but it all falls on deaf ears!!

The Truth is if he gets stopped/caught,
He will get at least 6 points and have his licence revoked, as been driving less than 2 years
will have to retake his test, if not been banned
will get fined. (no money to pay)
the car will be impounded
will incur charges from them taking and storing it
will have to pay for it to be released (again no money)
therefore will end up being sold or crushed and will still have to pay finance on it

But DSS just doesn't get it

What do we do, i have often said he needs a boot up the backside! How do we make him see how serious this is and make him see sense

I have thought about reporting him to make him realise but not sure this is the way to go

Or do we leave him to get on with it, and stay out of it

Any advice welcome

I Like That Idea

I think you can certainly report him for not keeping it insured as per his agreement. You can also tell them that you know he is in arreas and tht he has been unemployed for an extended period. You can tell them that it is your belief that he cannot pay it back.

If I were you I would just phone them and explain the situation, tell them you are worried for him and their property. I would expect they will be sympathetic and then act on any bit s that they can act on and leave alone any bits that they can't act on.

I have handed back a car on finance before (although for different reasons and payments were up to date) I think your dss will have to do it though.

They will agree to write off any outstanding finance without classing it as reposession if he has paid them a certain amount (in my case it was half), if he has exceeded this amount the remainder of the debt will be cleared but they send out an inspector to assess the condition of the car before agreeing to anything. You need to check his contract.

With the information you've given it sounds like the car isn't the only problem but rather his attitude in general.

My db was like this until my dad asked him to leave. He had nowhere else to go so we took him in but it was on the condition that he got himself a job and paid full board EVERY week and my dh made it perfectly clear he would be thrown out if he didn't stick to the rules. Although he's not perfect now, it did seem to be a wake up call. He got himself a job which he stuck and handles all his own finances now.

Reckon its time dh came down a bit harder on him tbh.

Dreamaway - do you think you could print this thread out and show it to your DH? (Well the responses anyway, you probably don't want him to see your OP, just in case)

madam, I dont think he would even contemplate the forces he is too soft, he doesn't take kindly at being told what to do, he won't even follow the house rules. Although i do agree he needs something to focus on and sort out what he wants from life.

DH and i need a serious talk together to sort out where we go from here because one way or another i am going to stop him driving that car.

SB DH did threaten to kick him out well before xmas, he changed for a couple of weeks and we thought he was getting sorted out but he soon reverted back!

Should have made the point that when db moved in with us he agreed that his wages were paid into my account at first and I handled his finances (making sure I took his board first ).

He spoke to his creditors and gave them persmission to speak to me and I arranged payment plans with them.

Only after everything was paid did I withdraw what was left and what he did with it was up to him.

Suppose you would have get your dss to co-operate with that one first though.

If he doesn't care and is not going to get any then I would tell the police, at the end of the day if he has an accident you would end up paying.

I have every sympathy with your situation. Had an exSD who did the same thing as well as my ExP.. phone up police anonymously and report the car reg number, they will sit outside the house at times when he normally leaves if you can provide them with this information, and poof, he'll get done.
Its his problem, not yours. I understand the repercussions for you, especially with money, but its a moral obligation now..to protect innocent people from his stupidity, and his dad sounds like a doormat to him and will probably secretly be glad the problem has been taken out of his hands too IMO.

Report him to the police or face your inactivity meaning the poor sod he crashes into and disables can't claim or if he kills someone their family can't claim how would you feel if your DH was wiped out by some teenage with no insurance?

By not doing anything you are complicit! (I think that is what I mean!)

Thank you all, for your replies.

Just waiting for DH to come home to talk about this.

When it comes to DSS, DH is a bit soft in the head, He can be tough with him when DSS goes too far. But most of the time he just wants peace.

yet in any other situation he will stand his ground for what he believes is right. Everyday at work he has to make decisions and follow them through.

In fact were both pretty strong willed, i myself don't take crap from anyone but with DSS i think it's just not worth another fight with DH so tend to back down.

DH Needs to know that i am serious, Either DSS gets insurance Immeadiatly or i phone the finance company to collect the car or Phone the Police.

I have been thinking about this all day and i have asked myself, what if it was one of the other 4 DC's being in an accident caused by an idiot like him??.... i would never forgive myself if DSS caused any kind of pain and suffering to another.i really couln't live with myself

He has to stop...Now.

I will keep you updated, Thank you all again you have been a Great Help. I just needed someone to tell me what i already Knew

Good luck Dreamaway. and remember you are right about this, they are wrong.

Message withdrawn

Update,

Well i had a long chat with DH when he finally got in at 10pm.

I told him how serious this was and if something wasn't done first thing Friday morning then i would have no choice but to phone the police.

Dh sat and said nothing, to which i thought, here we go again....DH not intereted or thinks i'm wrong, but to my surprise called DSS down And had a long chat with him

Basically we outlined how serious the situation had got and it couldn't continue.

DSS has realised now how much trouble he would be in should he be involved in an accident or stopped by the police. He agreed to hand the car back to the finance company and not to drive it anymore.(we have the keys)
As someone has previously said Dss Was giving the "couldn't care less" attitude, as he realised it had got too much and he didn't know how to sort it out, so basically buried his head in the sand.

Phoned finance company yesterday and car is being collected on Monday.

DH Has also outlined to him that he has to get a job and sort out his debts and that we will not support him financially if he doesn't get a job, has also given him ideas to try and earn some money whilst looking for a job. Ebay, Car boots, And computer reairs....Things Dss is capable of doing. DSS now Regrets messing up the jobs he did have, They were very well paid jobs and he was earning a small fortune compared to his friends of the same age.

Dh Is taking DSS to CAB On Monday to make a start on his finances.

Hopefully DSS Will Start as he means to go on

but TBH I am not expecting things to change overnight, but will see how it goes over the next couple of months.

Thanks to all for the advice it really helped me deal with this

thats great,
haven't seen any of this, but its fabulous that there has been a resolution, and that you let us all know!

YAY for you

oh great! good thread

Good to see a great outcome on a thread like this. Good luck for the future.

This is very good outcome. Well done you and DH. And hope your DSS can sort himself out.

Credit is definately done on the address! I had to disassociate myself from my family as applied for a credit card and got refused at 18 and it was because of my families poor debt.

Good luck and small steps

Good news Dreamaway - and well done!