tips for choosing the right solicitor for family matters

[nightmarehell]

I need some legal advice about my present relationship position.

My first point of call will be CAB as I understand they keeps lists of local solicitors who will give free half/hour advice.

But has any one got any further tips as to what else I should take into consideration when commiting to using services further.

A friend says I should use amale solicitor as she found hers seemed to know what made a mans mind tick (ie they all twats )managed to stay one step ahead and ended up with a very generous divorce settlement.

Not thinking of divorce yet but need to make sure my dd and my needs are met at the moment and in near future plus other complex issues. ie he refuses to leave marital home, can't make him as property in joint names but everyday is a nightmare from the strain not a good environment for me or dd.

Thanks

Does this make sense

you can make him leave, even with property in joint names. you need evidence of how horrible the atmosphere is and his behaviour. you also need to know if you qualify for legal aid. if you dont, come join me in my hole for a cry

well you could try your friend's solicitor since she was so happy with him. Don't think gender makes a difference - a good solicitor will be good with tactics/insight into the opponent etc.

The Legal 500 - guide to the best lawyers in each area - is also worth looking at -

www.legal500.com/books/l500

it's online, but rather clunky to navigate - it does list family solicitors (as a submenu of private client solicitors).

Thanks stitch he is not abusive physically or verbally but I just find being in the same living space intolerable. I sent him to spare room as when I asked him for clarification on our relationship all he could say is we are now living sep lives under one roof then on saturday he moved all of belongings to the spare room I have refused to cook or do washing for him as this is a man who deserted his family one week before christmas to be with ow.

All he could say was tell dd i will be home soon! He came back 21 dec when ow left uk

I then had to put a brave face on for xmas and my dd birthday 29th Dec as had guests for xmas could not make a scene as did not want to upset dd.

He says he cannot afford to leave. Plus this suits him as ow not resident in uk he wants to have his cake etc.

I have told him that this is not acceptable and the situation is making me ill etc etc its like talking to a brick wall atm

Thanks total chaos but sol my friend used is not local she divorced when she lived in another part of the country.

Maybe I just need to try a few.

I will need legal advice as have child no income of my own sahm. Husband high earner but sod all equity in property etc etc.

Am familair with procedures as did my own diy divorce for first marriage but that was easy no children involved just paid him off clean break etc etc.

Also did my husbands divorce for him diy

if there is an ow, then you have grounds for divorce righthter.
an if no equitey in house, then you get legal aid. as a single mom, you get various benefits, but you need to work out how much.and if enough to live on.

why do you take him back when he comes back? change the locks, an d dod the divorce. sorry, i am not being very understanding i know. but going through a lot of crap myself, and tbh your situation seems cleaner than mine . if that makes sense.

don't want to do anything in haste slowly slowly catchy monkey could not make scene when returned dd only just 4 do not want to expose her to all this crap.

I want to continue to live in the manner I have become accustomed to and mark my words one way or another he will pay.

Just want to put everything on a solid legal footing before I make any moves.

slowly collecting all relevant info I need but I want a really brill sol who will serve me well.

sorry to read what you are going through nightmarehell. Not an easy time for you.
Stitch is right about you having grounds for divorce on the basis of his adultery, assuming he will admit it. If not, then you would have grounds to petition on his unreasonable behaviour which he wouldn't need to admit.
I can understand however that your first priority is yours and your DD's financial security.
Again, stitch is right about you being eligible for public funding (legal aid) so make sure you look for a family lawyer that has a public funding franchise (unfortunately not that many have them anymore) As you have no income (and presumably no savings in your own name) then you would be eligible for public funding to cover you for the first few hours advice and during the first few interviews all the full public funding/legal aid forms could be completed and sent off to ensure that you have full funding should you need to make an application to the Court (it can take a few weeks to get full public funding approved) You obviously need to ensure that your husband continues to maintain you and your DD financially and need to be prepared to make a Court application in case he suddenly decides to turn the tap off (control thing that some men like to do)
To be honest, I don't think a male lawyer would be any better than a female and in my experience, I found a lot of female clients actually preferred to have a female lawyer as felt they would be more understanding.

Ref him being in the house, if things became really unbearable, ie he was physically or mentally abusing you or you felt his behaviour was damaging for your daughter then you may have grounds to make an application for a non-molestation/occupation order. (types of injunction) if granted by the Court, this would essentially prevent him from returning to the house so you and your DD could remain there.
Regarding the locks, sadly legally you are unable to change them and if you did, he would be able to use reasonable force to gain entry and then replace them but he would have to provide you with a key.
I would suggest that you keep a diary of various incidents which could then be used for either particulars for a petition on his unreasonable behaviour or to support any application you may make in the future for an occupation order.
Good luck

Thanks for your advice mumoverseas.

You obviously have some experience in these areas.

These are indeed difficult times for me I am still in shock I believe over all this that someone once so loving could become such a different person.

Will keep a journal as suggested. At present I don't really have any concrete grounds to request an occupation order just that when he is in the house life is very difficult. I cannot bring myself to be in the same room as him or talk to him.

I am suppressing feelings of anger hurt and rage in irder to protect my daughter who is obviously aware something is different. She has just turned 4 so I don't want to say anything until things become clearer obviously at the moment feeling emotions are changing on an hourly basis. It is so difficult.

I intent to write to him not a formal letter but a personal one explaining the emtional side of things in a hope he may realise it is better for him to leave voluntarily.

As for my other actions I will prepare myself quickly and without his knowledge as although he says his first financial priority is his familythe way he has lavished money on his travels etc with ow will put a large drain on his available his resources for the future.

Thanks

You are most welcome nightmarehell. Just a thought, but have you considered mediation/counselling at all? The fact that you say you are not ready for divorce yet may possibly indicate that you don't think your marriage has irretrievably broken down?
It might be worth suggesting to your husband the possibility of counselling (ie relate) or if you feel that the marriage is over, then mediation may assist as the mediator will be completely impartial and will assist you in resolving the other issues relating to the breakdown of relationship, ie the finances and your DD. If an agreement can be reached at mediation then this could be incorporated into a document to be taken to your respective lawyers if and when you decide to divorce and could pave the way for a smoother and cheaper divorce. Worth thinking about. Good luck x

Thanks mumoverseas this avenue has crossed my mind if I can get h to sign onto it. Doing the numbers myself I cannot see how I can be better off divorced than my present situation (from a financial level)plus if I can get agreement on livivng arrangements finacials I would be better off as horrible thing to say if he died whilst still married I would be provided for.

Having said that not sure how present day law will provide for me hence needing some initial advice.

At present my h has his head in the sand seems to be a common problem with unfaithful husbands he does not want to face reality and although I have explained to him when it comes to sorting things out legally it will cripple him financially.

I should not worry about this because if h has made his decision then he will have to suffer the consequences.

Thanks Babybarrister

That website is very good will look indepth
later also lots of choice of specialised solicitors that offer legal aid in my area.

Can def recommend keeping a journal - mine has been invaluable in my hideous divorce! got dates and times for everything!! Got my first court date on fri!!! My sol was v matter of fact and told me that he was there for the practical/legal side - I could cry to my family and friends, but he was too expensive to get emotional with!!! Liked his approach straight away and he has been fantastic! Everyone else kept telling me to get a sol I could cry too but mine was right - why pay £250 an hour to cry on someone's shoulder?!! Have since found out loads of people rec him so very pleased I went with instinct.

agree with babybarrister, forgot to mention in my posts about resolution. Collabrative law is a relatively new thing in the UK but if you and your husband can agree (when the time comes) to go down this route it can make the whole experience a lot less painful.
BTW, if you are in the Surrey/Sussex areas I may be able to recommend a good family lawyer with a legal aid franchise

Thanks mumoverseas

sorry live too far away from surrey/sussex area

our local CAB office closed today will hit the phone tomorrow when dd at preschool

just bear in mind that the majority of CAB staff have absolutely no legal qualifications or experience and can sometimes give totally wrong advice.
If you are simply looking for a local family lawyer with a public funding franchise you should either contact the Law Society, Resolution (specialist family lawyers with a very proactive approach to resolving matters amicably) or perhaps your local County Court who will know which local lawyers do public funding (legal aid).