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Original poster

Can I afford a second child?

18 replies

Izabella · 02/01/2009 01:06

Hi fellow MN'ers

Just looking for advice. I am desperate to have a second child but one big hurdle is money. I earn about 18,000 p/a and own my home outright so have no mortgage. I only work part time and so could earn a lot more but have chosen not to go F/T until my DD goes to school (she is only 2) so my income could be substantially higher. I know that economically times are not the best right now but I feel if I put off having this second child I might regret it as I am in my late 30's already. I also want my DD to have the gift of a sibling as well.

My question is this, is anyone on roughly the same income as myself who has two children? How do you cope financially? I am not on benefits as I have savings above the stipulated amount and so don't qualify.

Any thoughts or advice much appreciated.

Izi x

OP posts:

TWINSETinapeartree · 02/01/2009 01:10

I would think that without a mortage you could cope. For most people a mortgatge is their biggest expense.

I would also love another child but it is something that is a long way off for financial and personal reasons.

Dp and I have had a lot of problems but we are i counselling and both want to really make it work.

WE both earn over average salaries but at the moment have one mortgage and rent to pay, until we can sort out our finances though a baby seems a long way off,

S1ur · 02/01/2009 01:16

yep.

course you can.

Quattrocento · 02/01/2009 01:18

I did really want a third child and DH was firmly of the opinion that we could not cope practically or financially with a third child and that it would take too much from us. It's the one thing I've always regretted. So I'd suggest that you should have the children you want and the finances will sort themselves out.

EachPeachPearMum · 02/01/2009 01:19

Do you have a DP? What is their income contribution?
What are your other outgoings (tax, council tax, utilities, car/petrol, insurance etc)
Whereabouts do you live? Is the cost of living there higher or lower than UK average?
Will your home be of sufficient size to accommodate another child.
Siblings aren't always gifts, trust me!
Do it because you want to....

TWINSETinapeartree · 02/01/2009 01:27

I was going to ask about the partner,

Original poster

Izabella · 02/01/2009 10:39

Thanks for all your replies. No, unfortunately my Dh died before my DD was born (she was concieved posthumously as will no 2 be). I've got the IVF costs covered plus funds for any short fall during maternity leave and then some for a rainy day. I don't want to be irresponsible by having a second child if it is beyond my means but at the same time I don't want to not do it if I can. I get WTC & CTC which I assume I will get if I have no 2 as well. It is such a juggling act but I want to use any means possible to make it work.

OP posts:

bronze · 02/01/2009 10:48

I can fully understand why you dont want to live beyond your means but as you own your home outright then your income would be more than enough to cover all the other costs. A lot of people have less than that after housing is paid for.

DaisyMooSteiner · 02/01/2009 10:58

Look into how much extra you would get in tax credits - with your income and an extra child it is likely to be quite a bit more than you're getting at the moment.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 02/01/2009 10:59

Yes, we have an income of just over that and it is fine, especially with no mortgage going out. You should have all the equipment from your first if not freecycle is good, keep an eye out for FFP's on here for clothes if you have a DS and good luck.

SecretSlattern · 02/01/2009 11:05

At the time I fell pg with DS, I was on 13,000 pa and DH was on a bit more. Both my kids were pleasasnt surprises and we didn't think about the financial aspect of having a second. We just knew we wanted another one and waited 4 years for him.

I left my job in November 2007 due to illness in pregnancy and because I had committed benefit fraud a couple of years ago, was petrified of claiming again, even though I vowed never to lie to them again. I'm not proud of what I did, I actually did it so I could train in my job and hoped they wouldn't find out but they did and I got what I deserved. So because of that, I had nothing coming in and DH had to carry all of us.

We currently get Tax credits and have found it manageable having 2, but with the credit stuff going on atm and the fact that DH is self employed, I have decided to return to work as at least there will be regular money at the end of the month.

lalalonglegs · 02/01/2009 11:12

It sounds as if you are very sensible financially. I am sorry to hear that you lost your husband but it seems you are coping very well with one child and two shouldn't be too big a burden especially as childcare will not be a major outgoing. I know women who really regret not having additional children for various reasons - some logistical, some financial - and I think children are (generally) worth a bit of belt-tightening. The major expense is the first child, after that it's hand-me-downs all the way

sarah293 · 02/01/2009 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Izabella · 02/01/2009 11:25

Thanks everyone, it has made me feel like I am not living in dreamland wanting this second child. Its my parents who are worried that I wouldn't cope financially but I am confident that I will.

Twinset, I hope the counseling works for you & your Dh. I admire you for working so hard at your marriage.

OP posts:

dsrplus8 · 02/01/2009 11:35

secretslattern , [shocked] at you, but very pleased you owned up to your mistake. hope you are in a better place now, but think you are very brave in posting about your past situation, obviously hoping to steer others away from the same (silly) decision. well done on going back to work, wish you all the best for new year! OP, firstly sorry to hear about your DH ,if you want another child and can afford the ivf then go for it!, you obviously have thought and fought long and hard for this and altough children are expensive,the reward of seeing them grow , is more than compensation, children are a gift to be treasured and even more so in your case. i hope you and your children(present and future)have lots of wonderful times ahead of you, and i wish you a fabulous new year. good luck with the concieving!wishing fertile thoughts your way!

SecretSlattern · 02/01/2009 12:00

Thanks dsrplus8.

It was a really stupid thing to do and I am not proud of what I did. I didn't realise at the time that I was actually taking benefit away from those who acutally needed it, I was so intent on doing the best for my family and, looking back on it all now, it wasn't the best thing to do at all because the paying it back has pretty much crucified us. But there you go, you live and learn. It is not something I would ever do again. Like I said, I was reluctant to claim benefit once I left work, not even maternity benefit and even sorting out tax credits is a fairly recent thing for us (October). To make sure there is no confusion this time, I have informed the TC people of my intention to start work already (I think it is about 3 times now) but they can't amend our claim until I actually start.

OP, I was trying to show you the other side of the situation and by that I mean how we have so far managed to survive with our 2 DC's on pretty much nothing coming in and lots and lots (fines, repayments of IS, HB and CT benefit, not to mention household bills, shopping, things for the kids etc) going out. I think if we were to wait for the "right" time to have children, we probably never would have done. In our situation, I think we just made the best of a bad situation iyswim.

I don't think we are going to be a lot better off by me working, but at least it will mean that we can up the payments on things we owe and clear them quicker. Mind you, that is dependent on how long DH's job lasts.

mollythetortoise · 02/01/2009 14:44

I think you should definately go for number two. Without a mortgage to pay I bet you are much better off every month than most and a second baby will cost nothing (particularly if you have the same sex - clothes can be passed down etc. Childcare if you work, will obviously be higher for a short while but your eldest wil start school in about 2 years so you'll only have high childcare costs for a year - 18 months.. all very doable I think. You said your dp/dh had died.. IMO this is even more reason to give your dd a sibling.. you don't mention other family, cousins etc but a sibling in later life when you are elderly is something money can't buy. PLus as your dd was concieved after her father had died, to have another person in that situation may be a great relief to her - someone that can understand this as for most people this obviously isn't the case. You'll be giving her the chance of neices/ nephews/ brother in law etc..

TWINSETinapeartree · 02/01/2009 18:08

Thankyou Izabella, I think both of us forgot that you have to work at a relationship.

We are very very happy at the moment, but life is good. Hopefully the counselling will help us in the more difficult times.

You too sound very brave, good luck.

Original poster

Izabella · 02/01/2009 19:13

Secret, I do appreciate your honesty. Thank you.

Molly, my DD does have cousins, two on either side and I am so grateful that they are all very close but nothing makes up for having a sibling. I see her with them and all I can think is how great it would be if she could have a sibling of her own. I would like another child because I can't shake the feeling that our family is not yet complete.

Dsr, thanks for your kind words.

Thank you so much. This is really helping me to look at all angles during my decision making process.

OP posts:

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