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Original poster

Residency given to ex-husband

20 replies

Anon8 · 01/01/2009 19:42

Can anybody help? I am in a dreadful position. I left my abusive ex-husband two years ago and he has since filed several applications for residency of our two children. Contact has always been difficult but I have forced the children to go and a SRO was in place. The eldest child ran away from his fathers and my ex took me back to court for residency on the basis I was the problem that the children would not see him and was alienating them. The Judge decided to transfer residency immediately and give contact to me but no staying contact. My ex has always had staying contact. I cannot make sense of this. My children have run away from him 3 times. The Police took him back to his father. Has anybody dealt with anything similar or any advice?

OP posts:

blushingm · 01/01/2009 21:21

oh goodness - no experience but i couldn't let you go unanswered

lollystar · 01/01/2009 21:25

No advice sorry, but didn't want you to go unanswered. How old are you children? x x x

LadyMuck · 01/01/2009 21:26

Which country are you in?

thisisyesterday · 01/01/2009 21:29

oh gosh, how awful for you.
I presume you have lawyer? solicitor? whatever it is you need to fight this.

are there any organisations you could ring for advice???

noonki · 01/01/2009 21:34

ring women's aid at get a good solicitor near you asap

phone no is:0808 2000 247, and get their advice too.

I work in the field of Domestic violence and that sounds like something has gone wrong in the courts system.

hope you are ok, can't imagine how tough that must be for you.

where in the country are you and is he near by?

Does you have any access rights currently?

What are the kids saying?

What is your ex acting like?

callmeovercautious · 01/01/2009 21:37

Why did he get residency over you? What can you do to correct it? How old are they?

Contact the support line noonki posted and have a good chat. I think you need professional guidance here. X

fuzzywuzzy · 01/01/2009 21:41

how can they do that, are CAFCASS involved, did they do a fact finding hearing thingy.... How can that happen????

How old are the children, will the courts not listen to them?

Original poster

Anon8 · 02/01/2009 05:58

The children are 5 and 9. We are in the southwest (I am too scared to put details on here) He lives less than a mile away. I have contact every other day for four hours but it is traumatic for the children everytime they have to go back and handovers are horrendous despite me telling the children this is what they have to do. Yesterday my eldest (boy) was kicking his father, hitting him, screaming at him to let him go as he physically had to remove him. Neighbours called the police and they came and said there was a court order and took him back to his fathers. My ex is aggressive to me and does nothing to encourage the children to go. he just watches me struggle at handovers and then keeps telling me it is my fault they do not want to go and I need to get them in his car. CAFCASS are involved but it has gone from bad to worse as the CAFCASS officer has been taken in by him and is acting in a bias manner. does anybody know if you can request another Guardian Ad Litem? I am desperate to protect my children who are traumatised by this experience as am I.

OP posts:

snookster · 02/01/2009 06:08

God, how awful!! My heart goes out to you and your 2 dc. I think you should ASAP contact a solicitor and helpline. Can you post this thread on lone parents and ask for a MacKenzie friend? Someone who's not a lawyer but has good knowledge and self-represents in court? One or 2 guys on there. Best of luck!!

Original poster

Anon8 · 02/01/2009 07:03

How do I post on lone parents? I am new to this website and have never done this before.

OP posts:

onebatmotherofgoditschilly · 02/01/2009 07:34

Oh Gosh Anon8 - this sounds absolutely awful. I have no experience I'm afraid but would second getting over to Lone Parents and re-posting - also Women's Aid.

To find lone parents scroll to top of page. Look for 'topics list' on top line titled 'find discussions'

The Lone Parents topic is in the second section down, under the title 'Being a Parent'

Click on that.

Above the list of discussions it says "To create a new conversation in the "Lone parents" topic, go here"
Click on 'here' and cut and paste this post into it.

Really good luck, wish I could help more.

Flihgtattendant · 02/01/2009 07:45

This sounds appalling, I am so sorry for you.

Yes, do come over to lone parents, there are a few of us with relevant experience although you might get help here too so keep the two threads open

mumoverseas · 02/01/2009 09:43

It sounds like something has gone horribly wrong with the legal system here. Its pretty bloody obvious that something has to change if the kids keep running away and clearly don't want to go back to their dad. I can only assume you don't have a solicitor (or if you have, you need to change him/her) If you don't have one, instruct one immediately making sure it is one that specialises in childrens act applications. You need to keep a detailed log of all the incidents where the police have been called out and the children have run away as this is really important evidence for you.
sadly with regards to CAFCASS officers, they are overworked and in a lot of areas don't really have the time to get involved as much as they should. Given the childrens ages it is unlikely the 5 year old would be consulted about his/her wishes but the 9 year old is borderline and given the fact he has run away, he SHOULD be interviewed by the CAFCASS officer and his views should be taken into account. You need to be firm when instructing a Solicitor and seriously consider an urgent application, possibly ex-parte (without notice to your ex) and get the matter before the Court ASAP. good luck x

Podrick · 02/01/2009 09:48

I don't understand what grounds the court has given for giving you no residency for your young children?

Original poster

Anon8 · 02/01/2009 16:18

Nor do I - my ex-husband did a great job acting in person of convincing the guardian/judge that it was my anxiety/distress that the children were picking up on and were therefore unhappy to go to contact. He even inferred that I told my son to run away! This cannot be further from the truth. Even my GP has recognised that he is using the chilren to continue to exert control over me and they are his tool to get at me. Police were call yesterday as my son refused to go and he was very violent to his father who refused to let him go and was trying to force him physically into the car. Police said it all builds a picture but there is a court order and we have to take your son back to him. The wall is three times higher as the Guardian has taken the view that the children are picking up on my anxieties and therefore are torn whether to go or not. My anxiety/stress is a sympton of what is happening not the cause of it. He never had a relationship with the children when we lived together.

OP posts:

MascaraOHara · 02/01/2009 16:23

Call Social Services and a solicitor, go to your GP to your childrens school.. go to everybody until somebody sits up and takes notice

and get back to court, isn't your 9 year old enough to have his wants considered by the courts?

Original poster

Anon8 · 05/01/2009 21:39

Thank you for all the advice and words of encouragement. My children are becoming resigned to the fact that they have to go. I have spoken to their GP who says it is unbelievable the courts cannot see he is using the children to control me. i have spoken to school and asked them to keep careful records when the children are back at school tomorrow. I am going to some external agencies. It is being reviewed in Court on Wednesday.

OP posts:

ilovelovemydog · 05/01/2009 21:46

Agree with mumoverseas, but you need to get something in writing by the GP for Wednesday.

Are you represented?

If not, it's really important that you are, especially if your ex h is bullying you and the system.

babybarrister · 06/01/2009 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Anon8 · 11/01/2009 12:58

Has anyone any experience with JACAT?

OP posts:

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