Mother WON'T let DC see Dad?

[Sixer]

My DB is going through a divorce. He was made redundant about 8 weeks ago. His Ex-to-be has since refused him contact with his DC aged 14 and 12. The main reason was 3 weeks ago DB picked up his DC as usual. His DS then started to be verbally violent regarding his empolyment situtaion. DB reminded him to have respect, and that his situation had nothing to do with him. Eventually DB said if he was to continue and not look forward to a special/day out with dad he would have no option then to take the DC home. He ended up taking the DC home, due to DS behavior. The ex has now said he owes the DC an apolopy before he can take them out again. Am I old fashioned? why should a father aplogise to his children for their bad behavior. Was he wrong to do this? Is she wrong to now say 'No contact, until an apology'. Where can DB go from here. He wants to spend time with his DC, but without the poison.

difficult one sixer. Unfortunatley, DB's ex has the upper hand here as she has the children living with her and has more control. Although technically and legally she has no more rights than he has with regards to the children, as they are with her, she can more or less dictate to him.
I can understand that your DB will not want to back down and apologise for something that he feels he doesn't need to, but if she won't agree to contact otherwise, what can he do?
His only course of action would to be an application through the local County Court for a Contact Order and that is simply not going to happen before Christmas. Depending on the area where he lives, even if he issues an application tomorrow, it is unlikely that he would get a first Court hearing until possibly late January, maybe later. That would just be the first directions hearing and if his ex still refused contact at that time a very long and stressful (and expensive!) process would begin.
Sadly, he would be better off biting the bullet and making a token apology but making it clear to his ex (and the kids) that his redundancy is not his problem. Surely at their ages (the kids and the ex!) they should be able to read the papers/watch tv and understand that financially things are very bad for a lot of people at the moment. Good luck to him

Sounds like she heard a different version from ds!

If this is not to keep happening your db and his ex need to talk about this sort of stuff, not let children give different versions as it suits them. Next time it could be her that is on the receiving end (believe me I've been a child of divorxce and I know how easy it is to get parents at each other and get what you want as a result).

Having said that, ds might be genuinely upset, so your db could say he's sorry that it was allowed to upset a day out (especially as his dd also suffered for no reason), but still let ds know what he said hurt him and was not acceptale?