Please please help me think clearly....

[wasalemonyname]

Ok I need some outside input because I don?t seem to be able to think this through clearly and come to a good way of doing this.
I left my exh in this year and the dc and I moved into rented accommodation. Exh still lives at the old house which I have continued to pay the mortgage on as it is not selling. The sale proceeds are to be split for the divorce settlement. I also pay the utility bills on that house (that was agreed legally) until the end of this year. I really cannot afford to pay both rent and mortgage beyond February and short of a miracle buyer can see the house ending up repossessed. The thing is I think exh has been relying on the settlement money and has not made firm plans to move out/ find a regular job/ get benefits /take on bills etc.
I have very little fight left in me now and I need help to see what I should do and in what order. Like what letters to write re utility companies? Should/when do I tell the mortgage company that I am in difficulties (I have already taken a payment holiday for this and next month)? Do I just do things and then tell exh what is happening? We are not on good terms except for when discussing dc. Everything else just turns nasty.
Can someone please help me see clearly?
Any advice greatfully received

Talk to morrgage company
Can you rent out the house or can he take in a lodger?

I can't understand why you are effectively paying for his accommodation. Why aren't you in the house that you are paying the mortgage for, while he is renting somewhere (presumably smaller and cheaper than your rental needs given that you have the DCs). If you stopped carrying him your financial burden would be greatly reduced.

If that happened - would you be able to sustain the mortgage payments for a while longer?

I think you need to get your head around the fact that if conversations turn nasty with your ex, that's tough and you just have to cope with nasty (easier said than done, I know). Don't let him live rent and mortgage free because you're afraid of raising valid concerns. If it presented as an ultimatum - either you move into rented, for which you find your own money from a job, and I move back in until the house sells, or the house gets repossessed and neither of us walk away with anything - it's hard to see how he can argue.

If I were you, I would tell the mortgage company straight away that you are in difficulties. They might suggest reduced payments, interest only or something else you could live with.

You say "The sale proceeds are to be split for the divorce settlement?" Have you talked to your solicitor about what might happen if the house is not sold?

Hassled at the time of the divorce he refused to move out (his sol advised him not to ) and living under the same roof was untenable.

Sparks I have changed to interest only. I probably do need to go back to the solicitor which I have been avoiding because of the cost.

At the time getting away with the dc was all I could think of even if it meant losing the house. How long do mortgage companies wait before starting reposession?

At the tim

But time has passed since then, and in the light of your current difficulties it makes sense to look at the situation again - and I do think you need to spell out to the ex (write a letter if thta's easier) saying you cannot continue current arrangements and there is a very real danger of repossession, in which case neither of you would gain anything from the house sale. He might see the personal gain he has long term from facilitating you not having to pay rent AND mortgage.

yes a letter would be good. Over the last few months when I have said that it might end up getting reposessed because I won't be able to pay forever he said "oh that's your plan is it, to cast me off with nothing?" . The other week when I suggested he start signing up for income support etc, he said "but that means I have to register with the jobcentre to be available for work and I won't be able to continue work on the house" Yes, signing up for work, that would be the idea.

what he does is no concern of yours. if he is left with a fat lot of fuck all boo fecking hoo. so what.

you need to tell him again.

i can't afford it. it will be reposessed.

OP - does your h have no income of his own?
I dont understand why you are paying for two properties. Does he financially support your dc in any way? Did you have legal advice before you made your original arrangement? It seems totally unfair to me, and your h really has no incentive to move/ find work until this arrangement changes.

Unavailable in answer to your questions- no(not as far as I know anyway aside from ebay),no, yes. I think it's unfair too and yet he can sit and tell me that he has been left to pick up the pieces (ie finish doing up the house he was supposed to be doing for the last ten years).

Ok I think I have decided to write to the mortgage co., utility cos., and my solicitor and write to exh saying that the beyond February I cannot pay the mortgage and have told the mortgage co. that. From Jan I will no longer pay his utility bills. He is free to take legal advice. As long as dc and I have roof over our heads (they are settled now in rented house) and food in our tummies...

That's a lot of letters

I'm glad you arent going to let things carry on. He sounds as if he is happy to bleed you dry for as long as you will let him. Glad to hear your children are settled, too.

you sound lovely - he sounds like he needs his arse kicked. sorry

sorry that was not very helpful. I dont obv know details or reasons behind your divorce but you have done enough for this person. Whoever instigated the divorce and for whatever reason. YOU have moved out. Given him time to sort his life out. So you have utterly no reason to prop him up and would be doing him a favour in the long run as he needs to find his get up and go (pardon pun).This is the longer more tactful version of the previous post. You have paid in more ways than one. You dont owe it to him to KEEP him. BTW is this house renovation a cosmetic thing or a urgent structural stuff ? is it important to aid the sale? i ask because if it is only decorating I would say forget about it in current market.