So, this is the current situation.
Myself, my 8 yr old DD and my almost 4yr old DS have lived with my partner for the last three years.
We also have a child between us.
I split from XP when DS was just 8 months old so he doesn't really know him.
DP & myself tried to keep some kind of relationship between DD&DS1 and their father but he let them down time and time again.
Eventually I would only agree to allow visits in the company of another adult, either his mother or sister as I found he was taking them to the pub or having his friends round drinking when they were there.
Didn't take long before his sister left them with him and buggered off out all night so it was only his mum I agreed to arrange things with.
His mum started letting them down, and handing them around to whoever when they stayed there so it wasn't very stable and I said I'd prefer them not to stay overnight but they could go for the day, or she was able to come to mine.
Yet again she fucked around, letting them down, arranging, rearranging, cancelling appointments.
I hadn't heard from her for 6 months when she emailed me abusive messages on facebook.
Everyone in question has my mobile number and has had the ability to call me. Up until just over two months ago they all knew my address.
DD has expressed an opinion that she never wants to see any of them again (this was on her birthday when she realised not one of them had bothered and she asked what the point was of caring as they have always been the same)
I am worried what will happen if I die. Partly because we are hoping to have another baby and the risk could be higher than normal pregnancies.
I do not, under any circumstances, believe that going to live with their biological family would be anything other than detrimental to them.
Not in the least because DD thinks of them as unreliable and DS has no idea who they are (there is only so much you can tell a 4yr old that they will actually understand).
Also, I would not want them to be split up from their brother. I know that if something did happen DD would tell whoever that she would want to stay with DP but at 8 would they listen? and would it mean that she stayed but DS1 went?
I am also concerned that if something happened to one of them and I was not around DP could not legally deal with it.
I have been looking up adoption and one of the scenarios presented is that the father may try to re-establish contact with the children when approached by the social worker. Would I have to allow this? Even though DD wouldn't want it? and DS wouldn't have a clue? I don't want them harmed by him reappearing, building them up again and then disappearing once he is satisfied the adoption is not going through.
The most important thing to me is that they are not hurt but are legally allowed to stay with DP and DP is legally allowed to give consent if anything occurs when I am not there.
Has anyone been through the adoption process successfully? Does anyone have any legal knowledge on the situation?
XP has PR for DS, but not for DD.
TIA.