Friend's DP just lost custody of his DD

[fatzak]

Just heard the shocking news that my friend's partner has just lost custody of his DD after 8 years. I am just so sad for him - he has brought her up alone since she was two and her mother left them to live abroad. Mother now has new family and would like her daughter to go and live abroad with them - the court/social services/whoever have decided that she can.
I haven't spoken to my friend yet as it sounds like the decision was only made yesterday, but i am heartbroken for him. Friend was just in the process of planning to move in with him and to start family life with him and his DD.

That is really really unusual; for a non resident parent to be granted residence after a long period.

Your friend must be in shock....

They both are ilovemydog. We really didn't think that this would happen - will be v. interested to hear the reasoning behind the decision when I speak to her.

Really really really unusual. Maybe there is more to this than you know?

agree with ilovemydog and theothermarypoppins. This sounds VERY unusual and there has to be a lot more to it than that or a misuderstanding somewhere.
I cannot believe that a District Judge would make an order allowing the child to not only be removed from the jurisdication but to be removed from the residence of the only parent she has effectively known. That does not sound right at all.
In cases where there is a dispute the CAFCASS officer (government appointed official employed at the Court to assist in family matters) would meet with both parents separately, often on several occasions and sometimes with the child and would write a detailed report on the background of this matter, the proposals put forward by each parent and would then give their recommendation. Both parents would then get a chance to make detailed statements and then at a Court hearing the Judge would hear the evidence and then make an order which is in the best interests of the child. This is an extremely long and drawn out process and doesn't happen overnight. I would usually expect any final judgment to be made up to 12 to 18 months (if not longer) than the mothers initial application. This sounds very very odd.

It has been going on for a long time and the CAFCASS officer certainly has been involved. I still haven't spoken to my friend so I don't know the ins and outs of it all. It's very odd as you say - he is a fantastic Dad, has brought her up brilliantly into a wonderful well rounded young girl yet this decision has been made. She has seen her mother during the holidays and goes over to the states to stay with her but hasn't lived with her since she was 3.
I am just baffled why it has been decided to be in best interests for her to move overseas

eh? After 8 years living with him, she is to move in with her mother, not only that but move to another country? How can that possibly be in her best interests?

Unless, of course, she has been asked and it is her preference? She is 10 yes? so she would have been asked because at that age they do take their wishes into account. Maybe they spoke to her confidentially to get her views? Perhaps she told them something she feels she can't tell her dad - that she wants her mum??

So the dd is 10 years old - this means she is old enough to have her own requests taken into account.

As others have said it is really unusual but perhaps due to the age of the child and possibly the court taking what she wants into account then the decission has been made on that. As if the child had stated she didn't want to move abroad with her mother then the court would have listened to what she siad and not moved her....

Did he not have a solicitor? I just can't understand how a DJ could make a decision like this based on the background information provided. What does the daughter actually want. At her age it is borderline as to whether she'd be consulted but surely on a matter as serious as this she would have been consulted regarding her views.
If he hasn't a solicitor, he needs to get one and needs to appeal this decision.

I am wondering if there was any gender bias here?

In other words, a girl of 10, approaching being a teenager, body issues/awareness and the mother being identified as the best person to deal with these issues.

Have seen some bizarre CAFCASS reports.

yeah but even so. The mother buggered off and left her and dad was the sole parent on the scene for most of her life! Would love to know which DJ in which Court made THAT decision! I know there is a nationwide shortage of CAFCASS officers but you've got to wonder where they got that one from!

Mum, clutching at straws here. Father unpresented, mother with good counsel?

Any details Fatzak?

I agree with you ilovemydog, I can't see how dad had representation. Or maybe he just didn't object (strongly enough?)
surely its got to be appealed. I can't possibly see how this order is in the childs best interests. To all intents and purposes, her dad is the only parent she has really known!

Good morning - just seen all your posts. Dad certainly had representation as my friend met with him several times. DH and I were talking about this for most of last night - neither of us know much about the justice system - is it possible that the mother could have brought some hot shot team over from the states to represent or would she have to use an English one?

she would have had to use an english solicitor/barrister unless an american one actually had rights of audience here which is rare. I do know of one American family lawyer who practices in the UK but not very common. In any event, I doubt any american lawyer would be better than an english one and anyway, the law is different there.
Dad needs to appeal this order. Also, what provision was made in the order for him to have continued Contact with the daugther? There would have had to have been a pattern of contact set up when the Order was made. I think he should seek a second opinion from a specialised family solicitor/barrister regarding this Order as it really doesn't sound right.

OK have finally spoken to my friend.

Hectate - spot on. A very confused little girl has told the CAFCASS person and then more importantly the judge(in private) that she does want to live with her mum. The poor girl is now utterly beside herself that she actually does have to now go to the states next weekend and will only see her Dad a few times a year

It is such a sad situation and my friend's DP is a broken man

Re the legal team - he had a very good solicitor but she had a solicitor plus a barrister and their two trainees. Friend said it was like out of some court drama when her team came trooping in

The judge was very very complimentary to the father and basically said that if the girl hadn't expressed her wish to live with mum, then things would have stayed the same.

There are US firms who have offices in the UK, but they are staffed by UK lawyers. A UK lawyer has to be admitted to the solicitors roll or called to the Bar and have a practicing certificate. It's possible, but unlikely that a team of lawyers would descend from the US to the UK.

Have you asked your friend what the CAFCASS report says? I think this is really the crux of the matter as the CAFCASS reporter is the ears and eyes of the court, and while a judge wouldn't necessarily just rubber stamp the recommendations, the report does carry a tremendous amount of weight...

Sorry - didn't make it clear that her solicitor was from the UK

Sounds like the CAFCASS bloke was a bit of an arse to be honest and that various things he should have done hadn't been done. I can't remember everything that my friend told me as it was such a blur of a conversation.

This is just too sad

The mother should absolutely not have forced the issue and made the girl choose between her mother, who abandoned her, and whose love and affection she probably is desperate for, and her father, who has been the only parent she has known.

If the family court system was up to me, I would insist on children staying in the family home and parents rotating.

Am so sorry.

Oh how sad and upsetting for everyone.

If the CAFCASS Officer didn't do everything he should have done, maybe there will be grounds for appeal?

I share exactly your thoughts ilovemydog - she is obviously very hurt from her mother leaving all those years ago and is desperate to have her love and this seems the way to her. Plus mother has plenty money, big house, promise of ponies and swimming pools which is obviously a great sweetener for an eleven year old.

It sounds like paternal grandparents are really keen to put in a formal complaint about the CAFCASS bloke - Dad is just too preoccupied in getting through this week before she has to go.

This is so sad, I am sat here thinking this little girl is going to go too the states and it will be a big adventure then after a short while when the varnish rubs off and she doesn't get to go home she will be so homesick that is the reality and the father altought an adult is just going to be heartbroken.