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My dearest neice abused by a teacher, please help (long)

24 replies

Mayjusticeprevail · 11/11/2008 22:40

I'll have to precis this as it's a really long story.

My DN was very shy and had been bullied at school; she's tall and has curly hair, apparently outside the pale with the petite, hair-straightened in crowd. She's bookish and serious minded though full of fun at home. Her parents are quite strict but very supportive of her as the youngest in the family.

Her elder brother had been successfully involved with a school club and the teacher invited DN to join when she was 15, and she did really well. After the bullying her parents were glad and encouraged her to continue to participate. She blossomed and teacher said he would be happy to continue mentoring when she left to attend another 6th form, now aged 16. She went back regularly in her own time, getting lifts there and back from her parents who sought out teacher to thank him for his continuing support.

Well, as you gathered, he was grooming her until she was 16. He'd talked about how alike they were, how they both saw through the superficialities of others and their mundane lives. They would challenge what others saw as normal and right and live by their own rules. they met up for coffee, but she shouldn't say as 'they' would not understand. Etc etc.

You can guess the rest, he had access to school premises after hours and he had unprotected sex with her, even though she told him she did not want to. Then persuaded her that they were in a relationship and only what 'they' would think stopped him being open. It continued on several occasions.She was manipulated and totally in thrall, (she's as ashamed of that power he had over her as of anything else)

Then DN discovered he was having a relationship with a friend of her older brother's, who had left the area but returned often. She saw too that he was doing what he had done to her, with a younger girl. She came forward, told her family, the school, the police.

Her parents confronted him and he admitted it all, went sick and left the area. we also discovered his wife was very young when they married, 16 or 17. We don't know if we made a mistake by not speaking out but DN was so ashamed and hurt. Rumour blamed her for his leaving, he is charismatic and extremely popular.

He has now said he is not guilty, as there is a loophole in the law that has not been tested, in that he had no duty of care as she attended another school, (chosen on his advice ). The CPS are going ahead on charges of breach of trust. We trusted in the law, in the system and wish we had bayed for his blood in the street.

We are on suicide watch, she stays at home or with DP and I. She is silent, she tries to hurt herself, she can't make any plans re uni, she just is raw and heartbroken.

Please don't tell me about the cases where teachers and pupils fall in love, I know this happens. This piece of scum set out to groom this child and she's breaking down before us. She can't access full on counselling in case it proceeds to court so we flounder around, encourage her to talk, give her space, we don't know what is best.

So why am I posting? Can someone with some knowledge tell us, should we expose him? Would it hurt her case? If the loophole stands should we pursue a civil case?

I think she will give up if the law does say he did nothing wrong.

(Have name changed and I am sorry for this ramble but we are all at the end of our tether.)

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ja9 · 11/11/2008 22:44

so so sorry. hope someone helpful will be along soon...

PavlovtheCat · 11/11/2008 22:46

I have nothing constructive to add, but just wanted to say what a sad story. Hope your DN can find a way through this with her family around her.

dittany · 11/11/2008 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NCbirdy · 11/11/2008 22:55

I can understand you wanting to expose him of course! However, if you do expose him that won't actually help your DN will it?

It may actually harm her case, he may even get away with it simply because you made the decision to expose him.

I really, honestly understand your motivation but the fact is that, after the case, you will still have the name etc to expose him if you still feel that is the right thing to do then.

Finally, I would strongly suspect that having everyone talking about your niece as "the one that was abused by.." or making thier own minds up without full facts (as all people do) would not help her state of mind either.

It is truly terrible that htis has been done to her but exposing him illegaly will not make it go away for her and it may cause her more trouble than she has already.

So sorry for your niece

Mayjusticeprevail · 11/11/2008 22:55

It's this stupid loophole that gives him a get out clause. Because she is a former pupil apparently it's fine.

The school is being so protective of its status. I hear parents saying, Little Susie is going to ***, it's amazing. and I think Yes, they let the staff abuse your kids on the premises, it's great.

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Mayjusticeprevail · 11/11/2008 22:57

We feel so helpless and so invisible. I'll get my SIL to give me a link to the law so you can get a clearer picture of how he may wriggle out of this.

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dittany · 11/11/2008 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumonthenet · 11/11/2008 23:02

may, will you or family or dn be called as witnesses?

Surely your knowledge and history of the situation would help the CPS in the prosecution of a breach of trust...?

Are they keeping you informed...requiring your input?

I really have no experience or wisdom but feel sorry for you all.

Poor dn.

mumonthenet · 11/11/2008 23:10

Just had a thought...do you think that the CPS are going ahead on a charge that they actually think they can get him found guilty on...(though it might seem a lesser charge to you)...rather than a charge which is more difficult to prove and where he is more likely to get off scot free?

Mayjusticeprevail · 11/11/2008 23:22

SIL and DNephew will be called IF this loophole doesn't allow him to walk away. If she had followed the usual 6th form route he would be definately be charged but, as he advised, she attends a 6th form in another LEA and returned to help with afterschool club activities, thay are saying there is no breach of trust as he no longer had a duty of care to her.

It doesn't help that recent stories in the news have focused on 'relationships' where people have genuinely fallen in love; the union is calling for these people not to be put on Sex Offenders List. It's so different to DN's experience. All her love and trust has gone and she's such a lovely, earnest girl, who loves to talk about poetry, loves Nature, loves theatre and music.

He had a gift that he could have used to help so many young people, but he chose to prey on a vulnerable girl. I truly believe that what goes around comes around but wish it spun a little more quickly.

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cluelessnchaos · 11/11/2008 23:30

Sorry nothign useful to add apart from I am now discovering how far a paedophile groomed not only me but also my brother and I wish to god I could have had any effect on his life, pretty sure he is dead but doing my best to check.

Mayjusticeprevail · 12/11/2008 07:14

I'm bumping in case anyone else has any experience in this area.

Thank you for your support, those who have posted.

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Mayjusticeprevail · 12/11/2008 08:32

bump

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frogs · 12/11/2008 08:41

This organisation may be able to offer advice?

mumonthenet · 12/11/2008 21:10

mayjustice,

just popped back here, so sorry not to be able to offer useful advice but hope that you can get some. I understand how angry and sad you must be feeling. Don't worry about what's in the news at the moment, really nobody will take any notice of that...

What kind of support is your dn getting? (Apart from you/family I mean)

Mayjusticeprevail · 13/11/2008 20:09

Just to update you all.

We have been on suicide watch with DN all week as the court were to meet tomorrow to decide if there is a case of breach of trust even though she was at a different school.

They had given us the wrong date....not til next month now.

The schools are terrified, no-one outside the family is acknowledging what has been done to DN, she needs someone to say that it was wrong.

She feels that he will walk away and be free to carry on. How do we show her that there will be justice. They haven't even contacted the other girl he had groomed before.

We have not heard a thing from the CPS, all this is from the officer in charge of the case. Should CPS be in touch with DN and family, to strenghten the case?

Please, please if anyone on MN knows anything about this can you let us know what should be happening?

Am frantic tonight, we are so scared she'll harm herself in some way.

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morningpaper · 13/11/2008 20:13

I think your DN needs help, have you tried social services, or your local mental health organisation? I don't understand why she can't see a counsellor or therapist but I have no idea about legalities of these things.

morningpaper · 13/11/2008 20:15

And you need a solicitor

georgimama · 13/11/2008 20:22

I don't know anything about the criminal side of things I'm afraid, but I can advise on the civil side.

She can bring a claim for personal injury against him, if he has anything (such as a house), or against the school where he worked for negligence, otherwise the CICA (Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority) will investigate and offer an award of compensation - you do not have to have secured a conviction for this.

The time limits are not pressing - 3 years from "date of knowledge" for a PI claim (which for a person who was a child at the time of injury doesn't start until their 18th birthday) and 2 years from date of the incident(s) for the CICA. The CICA will consider a claim outside of the 2 year period if it would not have been reasonable for the claim to be made inside the time limit.

Please look on the Association of Personal Injury Lawyers website (APIL) and the CICA website (just google). Please do not contact some television monkey firm, they would not touch this with a barge pole and if they did they would probably fuck it up.

Much sympathy to your neice.

Mayjusticeprevail · 14/11/2008 00:00

The counselling service can't look at what happened in detail in case she has to give evidence and the other side can claim they prejudiced her.

The schools are Sg themselves as it took place on the school site outside of regular hours. To that end they have just said she attended that school from year 7 - 11 and took part in club activities. I know they want to protect their reputation, but FFS this is a child they were supposed to care for.

She is meeting up with support service but the are impasse cos of legal things. She's stayed with me as I work from home and I've been on pins cos she is so close to the edge.

Her reaction to this latest developmnt was a shrug; she thinks that the world thinks she is worthless and she agrees.

Thank you for your replies and good wishes

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mumonthenet · 14/11/2008 16:49

so social services can't help her cos' it might prejudice her legal case? bl**dy hell! But wouldn't everything she said to a counsellor be in strictest confidence? So how could it go against her?

Sorry, I don't know anything about the legal or civil problems in this sort of case but my gut feeling is that you/or her parents should be making her the priority rather than pinning all your hopes on that bastard getting his cumuppance in a court of law. That might happen of course, but in the meantime your dn needs some help (from outside the family maybe?) to understand that none of it was her fault, to realise that one day this wiil be behind her etc...etc...

Maybe she desperately needs to offload on someone but doesn't want to upset you and her family even more than you are.

Check out the Samaritans website, Citizen's Advice Bureau, - they may not be the right people but their websites are really informative and have loads of links.

As morningpaper says you also need a solicitor.

edam · 14/11/2008 16:56

Samaritans might be a very good idea. Your poor niece. Possibly childline? They might know about offering support while awaiting the outcome of a court case.

madlentileater · 14/11/2008 17:33

Sorry I can't add anything more helpful than to endorse the Samaritans suggestion...for you too, as it's so hard to watch someone in this situation.
I'm sure the school are shitting themselves, they should be, but it is just one teacher after all. What they should be thinking abut now is why doesn't their child protection policy prevent this happening?
They will have a named person responsible for CP and a CP policy, which should be available to parents.

Mayjusticeprevail · 14/11/2008 23:47

Sorry just keep popping back.

DN is our total priority but we know that recognition of the wrong he's done her is important to her.

DP's just done jury service in an abuse case and they used all the therapy sessions that the abused person had had over many years.

We've told her that she did the right thing in speaking up, and that now she needs to get on with her life or he will have 'won'. I'm taking her for a hair cut next week, we're going out to a lovely town tomorrow for food and shopping. We are also going to look at campaigns that we can get involved with.

I'll mention Childline and Samaritans again.

We can get her through this but it's a disgrace that he abused all the trust placed in him and may walk away. Hopefully not to another school, I could not bear to think of anyone elses daughter going through this.

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