yet again I am asking advice
OK, last week I took ds to the hosp because his abses had come back. It is a perianal abs, and this is the 4th hosp visit to have it drained, it keeps coming back.
Last time was in Aug/Sept. At the end of the last visit, they recommended that he should see an immune deficiency specialist in a different dept of the hospital, and gave me a phone number.
During Sept and Oct, I was very busy, and also had good reason to believe that we would be moving into the city soon. (verbal promise of job in munich, that hasnt been followed up yet) Also, was planning a few weeks break between jobs, that hasn't happened.
At the moment, it is hard to get him to appointments in the city, and means that I lose a day's pay. So I waited on this and loads of other things, until I was sure about the job.
They also recommended a psych (more about that later)
Anyway, last week the abses swelled up again, so I took him back. Yesterday, the doctors called me into a room and said that they were going to keep ds in hosp for several weeks while they did further tests, because the abs keeps coming back, "because you haven't kept appointments with the paediatrician, so clearly ambulatory treatment is not working."
No appointments were made with any doctor, and I have not missed any appointments, so I said this.
They then backtracked and said they were not blaming me, but the blaming words had already been said.
They also started to say that he needs a social worker, and a psychiatrist.
The basis of the psych need seems to be (a) that he is not like german children and (b) that he has many fears.
ds is generally confident, but he is a very over the top child, so when he is happy, he is the loudest happiest child present, and when he is scared, he is the loudest, scaredest child in the building.
when he was little, ex h took him away from me for long periods, and this was very bad for both of us. eg ds has said that he remembers crying and not knowing where I was So he may have extra fears from this period.
however, I do not want him in the german hosp psych system. It is not a multi-cultural society here, and the onus is generally on foreigners to comply to german culture and behaviour. I do not want a psych trying to correct his behaviour to make him more german. ds is over the top enough that I am worried they might want to give him ritalin. It is too late once they are in the system, because they can force your child to go to a mental hospital/have drugs, or they can take your parental rights away in court if you try to refuse (true story).
Also, it was clear from what the doctors were saying (or NOT saying) that they think I am to blame for ds's fears. They know nothing about his history, and I don't want to go telling it to every tom, dick and harry who tells me that my son is "strange" (their words). Especially when they are prejudiced against me to start with. It is a humiliating story of bullying ex h and excessive violence, from which we have escaped. I don't like recounting this story all over the place, because it makes us look very un-german, and people are VERY judgemental here, always comparing you with the perfect gold standard of the 2 parent, 1/2 child family, dad works, mum stays at home. To put this into context, we are a single parent, immigrant family with 4 children, and a violent ex. Think Daily Mail readers and you have an idea what I am up against.
They have called a big meeting on Monday, to which I have been called, at which I gather everyone concerned with ds's treatment in the hosp will be present, "so that we can discuss his care"
how best to protect ourselves?
If I take a translator, I will have to pay them myself - I won't be able to follow all that they will say, esp as it will be medical terms.
Take our contact at the JA who knows our history? (but I dont totally trust him not to side with the hosp)
I want to stop this story that ds is strange, and that I have in some way made him strange and needing psych treament.
(None of his teachers in france or germany have evers suggested that he needed psych treatment, it comes only from the hosp)
should I complain in writing about the meeting yesterday and the allegations of blame?
am very upset, and all these things have been swimming round in my head.