How do we decide what happens to REALLY PRECIOUS family photos as part of probate? Stupid luddites will throw their share away if given the chance.

[Uberelf]

Sorry to speak so ill of my sibling, but there you go, it's probate.

So my parent left everything in equal shares to me and my brother; but he may well throw away VERY precious family photos which I just can't bear. We are completely at loggerheads, so no amicable agreement even remotely possible; he may chuck them out of spite, since they are the only things that really matter to me. We have been talking about splitting the albums 50-50 but the prospect of his 50 per cent being lost to me and family history forever is hard for me to bear. I know you probably think I just have to live with it, since our parent didn't specify, but I wonder if there's any other remedy. At all. (Thanks for listening, I know I sound bitter )

Cold hard cash often speaks to the unsentimental. Could you simply buy them from him?

Thanks for that, Ninedragons. Believe me, dh and I are discussing it. The problem is that they will deliberately ratchet up the price to something ridiculous just for the sake of it. Especially if he knows how much I want them - which I'm managing to be coy about, so far.

How much do you think? £500?

Are you talking about family photos??? Buy a scanner for £100 and scan them in and reprint them (costs next to nothing at ASDA or Costco) and then you can both have copies of all of them. We have been doing this with all the family photos on both sides of the family and it means that all 2 zillion cousins can now have copies of the old photos of the great great grandparents.

I have had all the family photos from DF,as well as Family Documents and letters that were sent after Mom died, and scanned them all, sent copies to all the brothers, vacuum packed all the originals and stored them at the bank.

I did this too when my grandfather and great aunt died.
Scaned all the images and repaired alot of them.
Sent out copies, also all the photos on a cd.

My mum loves it, she just has hers playing on her dvd player, like a digital photo frame.

We did the scanner thing as well

Yeah, I was going to suggest 500 quid or thereabouts. If they do ratchet up the price, well, I suppose you just have to pay it and hope they have their arsehole karma coming to them.

Is there nothing that he really, really wants and you could generously concede in exchange for the photos?

Scanning is a great idea.

If he tries to ratchet up the price tell him you're not negotiating. He'd be mad to walk away from £500.

Is he on good terms with any other relatives? Perhaps they could request the photos and could get copies made for you (or sneakily give you the originals)?

Shoshe, I like the bank idea. Does that cost much, please?

Ninedragons, I like the sound of arsehole karma even more. Is that something I pray for? And yes, I'm hoping that I'll have some kind of bargaining chip thing.

Scanning is a great idea, thanks. I would still like the originals in a bank though. In fact I would be happy to pay for that. I had thought about it, but dh dismissed it as bonkers, so VERY glad to hear someone has done it.

I use a scanning company for all my photos-have just got them to scan 1000 photos for about £60 as it would have taken me for ever.

That seems very good value, whoosh.

I have no advice, I'm afraid, but I do sympathize with where you're coming from. My late Grandmother tore up most of the photos of my Grandfather (who had died 20 years earlier - she ramarried twice after that). All his army photos of him with his comrades in North Africa in WW2, him with me and my bro as children - almost everything. My dad, an only child, was devastated. So you do have my sympathy.

Thank you - sympathy most welcome! At least digitisation stops that kind of destruction. Did she not realise? Or was it vindictive?

god whoosh really

wish I hadn't bought a scanner now

We're not really sure. She was never the kind old granny type. I think thoughtlessness rather than vindictiveness.

My bro is trying to get replacements through an army website.

Family mediation?

Can you get physical access to the albums at all for scanning?

Lots of sympathies. Things like this matter more than 'stuff' or money really. When my paternal grandmother died (she had 7 surviving children) some really precious photos somehow got split between several aunts, uncles and cousins ... all of whom said they'd make copies for everyone and not one of the bs did. When my grandfather died my parents gave loads of his old wartime stuff to someone's personal bloody musuem where it will fester in a rotten corner. I volunteered to digitise but, being the youngest, I was told no no no, that's for the senior members of the family to do ... they know what's right...

We are digitising lots of family old photos now and distributing to family as we do them.

Well, that's a useful cautionary tale, Primula - don't give em up till you've got the copies in yer hands.

Ilovemydog - how does family mediation work, please?

www.nfm.org.uk/index.php?page=Mediation

Have the photos already been distributed?

No, they are all in the parent's house still.
I don't suppose Mediators would store them for us? Oh, please please please say yes.
Actually, what I'm hoping is that the photos can be separated out from the probate process - they are not of much financial value - and stored somewhere safe; then we could use Mediation to decide what happens to the photos when the whole probate nightmare is over. That seems a very sensible solution, Ilovemydog, if it will work. I'm pretty sure we'll need some kind of mediation to decide what happens to the ashes. I don't actually mind if those disputes go on and on and on as long as it doesn't stop the estate being distributed.