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Original poster

I don't know what to do for stepson

65 replies

Doone22 · 14/10/2026 13:38

I really don't know what to do - my stepson is mid thirties, married, living in London, working as a contractor on a very good day rate but he's had issues with his credit score and a year ago put down his inheritance from his grandad (£50k) on a new build. The property is now built and he needs to complete next month (£108k) but he's been rejected for mortgage and as I understand has tried a few different brokers.

He's been told that a family member could do it instead but I have literally just remortgaged and can't afford another one on top of my recently doubled monthly payment, nor do i want to put my house at risk.

I suggested I take my pension pot (only £40k) if he could find the rest elsewhere by getting some off all other family members and a small loan, etc
His dad is dead, his mum is a hippy living abroad somewhere but he has aunties and cousins I think but I just feel I need to help him out here with a short term loan. But on the other hand its his mistake, he's a grown man, he's young, fit, hardworking, healthy and earning ok so should I even make that offer?

Also on the table is we are both trustees for my son (17) and the money in his trust fund would cover it but I'm not even sure its legal to invest in this for a year yet alone possible..

WWYD?

OP posts:
Thisusernameisalwaysavailable · 15/10/2026 06:23

You're mad to even consider it.

Wells37 · 15/10/2026 07:01

If he’s put a 50k deposit down when they started building, surely they would have done a credit check at this point to check he could afford it.

Original poster
Doone22 · 15/10/2026 10:36

Sorry I need to clarify some issues - the flat is in Halifax, its a new build so the deposit was paid direct to the developer before the build even took place - its been over a year so I guess he didn't think if looking for a mortgage until now when its needed. He is paying me back (if I lend him any) because the plan is to sell it right away and make a profit.
I would only be loaning him my pension or trust money and I don't think it would be legal to do the latter even with permissions unless it was going to make a big chunk back (better than what its currently invested in).
He's not asked me to do anything specifically - he just doesn't know who to turn to and I'm pretty much his mum.
He lived with me from age 11 and he feels like a son.

OP posts:
Mum2Fergus · 15/10/2026 10:39

No. Just, no. Do not touch your pension, lend, or be a guarantor of any sort. Seek legal advice in respect of the trustee over your son and make sure stepson cannot do anything with what’s in that pot.

Boohoo76 · 15/10/2026 10:44

Madness to pay such a large sum directly to the developer. We bought our current house as a new build directly from the developer for close to £1 million and we still only paid a holding deposit of £1k (which I got them to put in writing was refundable if we couldn’t get a mortgage). We didn’t pay a 10% deposit until exchange which was handled by our solicitor and properly documented. Sounds like he has been scammed by the developer.

Tel12 · 15/10/2026 10:49

Leave your pension be. It sounds like your own finances are shaky for someone at your stage of life. This is his issue to deal with. Don't set yourself alight to keep your children warm.

Badvocthebad · 15/10/2026 10:50

No no no no no!

OhMyGodSusan · 15/10/2026 11:08

Stop you can't use your sons trust money its fraud if you do. If you use your pension you will have a massive tax bill.
You cannot afford to help him thats the reality. Be it on your own head if you do.

OhMyGodSusan · 15/10/2026 11:11

Also sell it and make a profit? You do know the housing market is terrible right now right?

ABZombie · 15/10/2026 11:14

The chances of him making a profit on a new build are tiny- they lose 10-20% of their value the day you pick up the keys. Added to which, new flats are dropping in value in most of the country. He's been an absolute idiot to get himself into this position.

Don't give or lend him anything. He needs to keep trying to get a mortgage and approach some brokers who specialise in poor credit history.

TinyDancer16 · 15/10/2026 11:18

So the issue is because he’s contracting rather than employed? Has he tried speaking to a broker like London & Country? My DH is self employed so we’ve always had to use them, even though we still end up with mortgage with a high street bank. I wouldn’t consider your pensions and savings.

Mosaic80 · 15/10/2026 11:21

Sorry, id not help in this situation. Lots of people even with bad credit can get mortgages so his situation must be really bad. I’d look into mortgage brokers who help people with bad credit scores.

SilverPink · 15/10/2026 11:29

Sell it right away and make a profit? On a new build?!

HappyViewer · 15/10/2026 11:31

Doone22 · 15/10/2026 10:36

Sorry I need to clarify some issues - the flat is in Halifax, its a new build so the deposit was paid direct to the developer before the build even took place - its been over a year so I guess he didn't think if looking for a mortgage until now when its needed. He is paying me back (if I lend him any) because the plan is to sell it right away and make a profit.
I would only be loaning him my pension or trust money and I don't think it would be legal to do the latter even with permissions unless it was going to make a big chunk back (better than what its currently invested in).
He's not asked me to do anything specifically - he just doesn't know who to turn to and I'm pretty much his mum.
He lived with me from age 11 and he feels like a son.

So he’s buying it as a quick investment, stay well away. He can’t invest money he doesn’t have.

WaffleMacGubbins · 15/10/2026 11:44

Your stepson has been an idiot. What he needs to do now is take advice and listen to what he's told. You can go with him as a second pair of ears if you want to support him.

First thing to do would be to get legal advice on this deposit situation. Why did he put down £50k on a house that wasn't built? That he hadn't exchanged on? What is the nature of that contract?

He needs to go to mortgage brokers that specialise in self employment and see what his situation is. Why h
Did he not do this before handing over £50k?

Where is his wife in all this? Is she working? Does she have savings?

He needs to stop making stupid financial decisions and get himself clued up. There are books, podcasts etc that can help him with this. What's the situation with his poor credit rating? How did it happen and what is he doing to improve it?

The idea that you can flip a new build and make a profit is ludicrous. You pay more for a new build because no one has lived in it. The day you get the keys it's market value drops by 10%. Then you have the additional costs of stamp duty, solicitors fees, moving costs, surveys etc. Absolutely no way on earth that he can sell it soon to make a profit. It's just a further example of how little he knows about money

You cannot give him your pension if you're under 55. Phone your pension provider and ask them if you like. Pensions are not the same as cash savings or Stocks and share ISAs. Read this https://www.gov.uk/early-retirement-pension/personal-and-workplace-pensions
If you're over 55 then you can access your pension and could give him the 25% tax free lump sum which would be £10k assuming that you haven't already taken it. But that would be terrible financially for you. And terrible for your relationship with him when he doesn't pay you back.

You cannot legally use your 17 year old's trust to help your SS. It's not an investment. You would be in serious legal trouble if you did this and you'd ruin your relationship with your 17 yesr old. You would be stealing from him.

Your job as his step mum is emotional support and guidance to get him sitting in front of the professionals that can help him out of this hole he's dug. Nothing more than that.

Early retirement, your pension and benefits

Taking early retirement can affect the pension and benefits you get

https://www.gov.uk/early-retirement-pension/personal-and-workplace-pensions

harriethoyle · 15/10/2026 12:46

Tell him to use mortgage brokers Jordan Lynch - 0161 486 9316

When I was first self-employed and didn't have 3 years of accounts (so couldn't get traditional mortgage based on accounts) they worked wonders. They're free to consult with costs only being incurred when a product is signed for and not always then.

cartagenagina · 15/10/2026 13:48

It’s still a hard no.

ChaChaChaChanges · 15/10/2026 14:30

WaffleMacGubbins · 15/10/2026 11:44

Your stepson has been an idiot. What he needs to do now is take advice and listen to what he's told. You can go with him as a second pair of ears if you want to support him.

First thing to do would be to get legal advice on this deposit situation. Why did he put down £50k on a house that wasn't built? That he hadn't exchanged on? What is the nature of that contract?

He needs to go to mortgage brokers that specialise in self employment and see what his situation is. Why h
Did he not do this before handing over £50k?

Where is his wife in all this? Is she working? Does she have savings?

He needs to stop making stupid financial decisions and get himself clued up. There are books, podcasts etc that can help him with this. What's the situation with his poor credit rating? How did it happen and what is he doing to improve it?

The idea that you can flip a new build and make a profit is ludicrous. You pay more for a new build because no one has lived in it. The day you get the keys it's market value drops by 10%. Then you have the additional costs of stamp duty, solicitors fees, moving costs, surveys etc. Absolutely no way on earth that he can sell it soon to make a profit. It's just a further example of how little he knows about money

You cannot give him your pension if you're under 55. Phone your pension provider and ask them if you like. Pensions are not the same as cash savings or Stocks and share ISAs. Read this https://www.gov.uk/early-retirement-pension/personal-and-workplace-pensions
If you're over 55 then you can access your pension and could give him the 25% tax free lump sum which would be £10k assuming that you haven't already taken it. But that would be terrible financially for you. And terrible for your relationship with him when he doesn't pay you back.

You cannot legally use your 17 year old's trust to help your SS. It's not an investment. You would be in serious legal trouble if you did this and you'd ruin your relationship with your 17 yesr old. You would be stealing from him.

Your job as his step mum is emotional support and guidance to get him sitting in front of the professionals that can help him out of this hole he's dug. Nothing more than that.

All of this.

DSS’s plans are financial madness. Please don’t get involved beyond offering emotional support. As a man in his 30s, he needs to own his mess.

CarryOnRewardless · 15/10/2026 14:38

I used to work for a house builder and also purchased a new build this year. We only had to pay a £1,000 deposit to reserve.

He won’t make money selling it straight away and might lose money on it.
Do not get involved!

GrumblingGeek · 15/10/2026 15:59

my new build was £1k deposit.
not £50k

so i suspect hes given them the £1k…..and frittered the remaining £49k away or gambled it. And is trying to hide it.

i would therefore suggest hes up shit creek without a paddle

he will fritter any money you give him. do not give him a penny. this is his mistake and his learning curve. hes already made mistakes and seems to not be learning from them….

HappyViewer · 15/10/2026 16:01

GrumblingGeek · 15/10/2026 15:59

my new build was £1k deposit.
not £50k

so i suspect hes given them the £1k…..and frittered the remaining £49k away or gambled it. And is trying to hide it.

i would therefore suggest hes up shit creek without a paddle

he will fritter any money you give him. do not give him a penny. this is his mistake and his learning curve. hes already made mistakes and seems to not be learning from them….

I had to put a large amount down to exchange contracts, the house was then built and I completed 8 months later.

TFImBackIn · 15/10/2026 16:03

Never touch your pension, OP!

How does he know he'd make a profit? I thought house prices were pretty stagnant at the moment.

Has he tried every possible mortgage broker?

Zanatdy · 15/10/2026 16:14

New builds drop in value to start with, so its all a crazy idea.

Zanatdy · 15/10/2026 16:15

HappyViewer · 15/10/2026 16:01

I had to put a large amount down to exchange contracts, the house was then built and I completed 8 months later.

Show quote history

I paid 33k deposit 3 months before completion, as is standard for new builds to pay deposit on exchange within 6-8wks.

Iwantanothergo · 15/10/2026 16:31

Still an absolutely terrible idea for you. What if he can’t sell it quickly for a profit?

I can understand you wanting to help but even if he was your own son I’d say no. He’s an adult and responsible for his own finances. The fact that he’s had problems with his credit cards doesn’t inspire confidence. If you do it and something goes wrong, you’ll have many miserable penniless years when you’re older. Don’t do it.